Why Do Therapists Cry in Sessions and Is It Okay

TL;DR

Yes, therapists cry with clients and view it as a genuine sign of empathy and connection. Letting emotion flow rather than suppressing it helps regulate both the therapist and client, reduces burnout, and supports authentic processing. Crying is presented as a strength, not a weakness, in the therapeutic relationship.

Transcript

Hello, everyone. I'm glad you're here.  I'm Emma McAdam. I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist, and I make mental health  education videos. Now sometimes I get asked "Do you cry in session?" You know, "Do you cry with  clients?" And my answer is "Yes, of course I do." I am one of those people where there's like this  direct, hardwired connec... Read More

Key Insights

• Therapists may cry in sessions as a sign of genuine emotion and connection.
• Crying is described as a tool for empathy, not a sign of weakness or failure.
• Suppressing tears can create a cost, including headaches, numbness, and burnout.
• Allowing emotion to flow is linked to better resilience and long-term mental health for therapists.
• Tears serve as an outward sign that facilitates client regulation through mirroring.
• Not all therapists cry; individual differences mean tears are not a universal benchmark.
• Therapists may discuss tears openly with clients to ease concerns and build trust.
• The capacity to cry is framed as a strength that enhances authentic processing of emotions.

Questions & Answers

Q: What is the therapist's stance on crying with clients in sessions?

The therapist explicitly states that crying with clients happens and is a normal part of processing emotions. She describes crying as an authentic sign of empathy and connection rather than a sign of weakness. By allowing tears, she can model healthy emotional processing, which can help clients regulate their own nervous systems and feel understood.

Q: Why does the therapist believe crying can be beneficial in therapy?

Crying is described as a means to connect and mirror clients' emotions, creating a regulated environment that supports healing. When tears flow naturally, it signals that the therapist is emotionally present, which helps normalize emotions for clients. This approach can reduce burnout by alleviating the need to suppress feelings constantly.

Q: How does the therapist handle clients who might be unsettled by crying?

The therapist acknowledges that some clients may feel unsettled when she cries. She addresses this by being frank about her own processing style and explaining that tears are one way she copes with intense emotions. This transparency helps normalize tears and reassures clients that it does not indicate hopelessness.

Q: Does the therapist think crying in sessions is a universal practice?

No, she emphasizes that crying is not universal; different therapists have different emotional styles. Some may cry, while others may not. The key point is that care and effectiveness do not depend on tears, but on authentic presence, appropriate emotional regulation, and the ability to support the client’s process.

Q: How does crying relate to burnout and emotional regulation according to the video?

Crying is linked to reduced burnout when used as a regulated response rather than a forced suppression of emotion. By not stuffing feelings and by letting them pass through, the therapist maintains a healthier emotional state and remains more resilient, which supports continued effective practice and client care.

Q: What is the role of mirroring in crying and therapy according to the speaker?

Crying serves as an outward sign of inner pain, enabling mirroring of emotions between therapist and client. This shared emotional state helps regulate the nervous system, fosters connection, and supports the client’s experience of being understood and supported, enhancing the therapeutic alliance.

Q: How does the video describe the public perception of crying in general?

The video notes that crying in public is often seen as a weakness or something to apologize for, shaping how people learn to hide vulnerability. The therapist challenges this stigma by reframing crying as a strength and a functional tool for empathy and healing within therapeutic relationships.

Q: What future topics or resources does the video promote for viewers interested in emotion processing?

The video mentions a course on body image and a broader program on processing emotions, inviting viewers to explore these resources. It suggests practical steps for managing emotions, reducing self-criticism, and building resilience, aligning with the overall theme of healthy emotional expression and self-compassion.

Summary & Key Takeaways

• Crying in therapy is framed as an authentic expression of compassion that can strengthen the healing alliance. The therapist explains that suppressing tears can lead to emotional numbness, burnout, and reduced ability to connect with clients, while regulated crying supports resilience and better processing of difficult emotions. The emphasis is on balance and presence.

• The video discusses personal vulnerability as a therapeutic tool, showing that crying can model openness for clients and help them regulate their own nervous systems through mirroring and shared affect. It also notes that not all therapists cry and that care does not depend on tears alone.

• The takeaway is that crying in session is a deliberate choice linked to authenticity, connection, and emotional regulation. Viewers are encouraged to reflect on their own responses to tears, and consider how vulnerability might improve or complicate their therapeutic journey, depending on individual differences and contexts.