How I Stopped Caring About What People Think

TL;DR

Elizabeth stopped caring so much about what people think by living for herself, recognizing that social confirmation never lasts, and rejecting responsibility for expectations she never promised to meet. As a medical student and artist in London, she describes six reasons behind her shift from perfectionism and people-pleasing toward greater freedom. Read on for her practical reasoning about passion, failure, embarrassment, and judgment.

Transcript

so this is a very cry me a river with an orchestra of tiny violins playing in the background sort of video and i don't know who needs to hear this but i genuinely hope that this video can help anyone out there so here we go hi i'm elizabeth i'm a medical student and an artist living in london and i am one of the biggest perfectionist and people-ple... Read More

Key Insights

• "if you are not living your life for yourself who is going to live it for you" (1:35)
• "my second point is that social confirmation is brief and we need fresh doses of it all the time" (2:47)
• "there is no permanent passport of coolness so why should i keep chasing certificates for the rest of my life" (4:13)
• "it is not my responsibility to live up to people's expectations of me" (4:22)
• "i have made mistakes i do make mistakes i will make mistakes" (4:44)

Questions & Answers

Q: How did Elizabeth stop caring about what people think?

Elizabeth began reminding herself that she does not need permission to pursue what she wants. She also recognized that social confirmation is temporary and that she is not responsible for fulfilling expectations she never promised to meet.

Q: Why did Elizabeth struggle with people-pleasing and perfectionism?

When Elizabeth was younger, she was known as a polite, well-spoken, high-achieving girl who excelled in school and competitions. That identity created expectations that shaped much of her life and made breaking away from other people's opinions difficult.

Q: Why should you live your life for yourself?

Elizabeth argues that nobody else will follow your passions, have fun, or pursue your desires for you. She reminds herself that she can try something she wants, even if it might completely flop or fail.

Q: Why can pursuing personal interests feel embarrassing?

Elizabeth says she worried most about judgment when pursuing things she genuinely wanted, such as starting YouTube. In the past, she sometimes claimed that her mother made her do something or that friends challenged her, rather than admitting that she wanted it herself.

Q: Why is social confirmation a bad source of validation?

Elizabeth says social confirmation is brief and requires fresh doses continually. Each new exam, video, movie, or other effort is judged individually, so an earlier achievement does not permanently protect someone from judgment.

Q: What does Elizabeth mean by a "passport for coolness"?

She means that no achievement makes someone permanently cool or guarantees approval for everything they do afterward. Because that lasting status does not exist, she sees little value in continually chasing new certificates of approval.

Q: Is it your responsibility to meet other people's expectations?

Elizabeth says it is not her responsibility when she has not promised to deliver something. If people assume she will win a competition and she does not, she regards their unsupported expectation as their responsibility rather than proof of her failure.

Q: How does Elizabeth think about making mistakes and disappointing people?

She accepts that she has made mistakes, still makes them, and will make more. If someone expects her never to make mistakes and becomes disappointed, she does not believe she must feel responsible for that assumption.

Summary & Key Takeaways

• The speaker, Elizabeth, shares her personal journey of being a perfectionist and people-pleaser, driven by the expectations of others.

• She discusses six reasons that helped her transition from being a people pleaser to caring less about what others think.

• Elizabeth emphasizes the importance of living life for oneself, embracing embarrassment as a learning opportunity, and not feeling responsible for meeting others' expectations.