If You Want To COMPLETELY HEAL Your Body & Mind, WATCH THIS! | Gabrielle Bernstein & Jay Shetty

TL;DR

Happiness is the ability to be fully present in each moment, and unresolved trauma is what blocks it. Both big-T trauma (violence, catastrophe) and small-T trauma (being told you're not good enough, being bullied) build defense mechanisms that keep us dissociated and disembodied. Healing means undoing those storylines so they no longer control your nervous system.

Transcript

what we're running from first and foremost is we're running from trauma even the subtle moments in time someone tells you you're stupid or you were in the best of environments growing up but you were fat shamed by a friend those tiny moments that are seemingly insignificant dictate the rest of our lives hey everyone welcome back to on purpose the n... Read More

Key Insights

• Trauma is the inability to be present, according to Peter Levine, founder of somatic experiencing. Gabby Bernstein identifies it as the root cause of most unhappiness, whether big-T or small-T, because unresolved trauma keeps people from experiencing life's moment-to-moment richness.
• Small-t trauma includes seemingly insignificant moments like being told you're stupid, being fat shamed by a friend, or being bullied. These tiny moments feel insignificant but, when unresolved, can dictate the rest of our lives by building lasting defense mechanisms.
• Happiness is defined as the ability to be fully present in the moment with whatever is going on right here, right now. Bernstein says this understanding transcended her earlier definitions after nine books and 16 years as a spiritual teacher.
• Understanding what happiness is not was necessary to discover what it truly is. Bernstein had to go to that place, come through it, and reach the other side before deepening her awareness of what takes people out of the presence of joy.
• Presence is not the same as judgment, critique, or observation. True presence comes from undoing the storylines of your past so they no longer hold your nervous system, letting you reorganize your reactivity and relationship to yourself.
• A felt sense, a term from somatic experiencing, means physically experiencing life, like smelling spring or feeling a rush of oxytocin when looking into your son's eyes. Most people move too fast, dissociated and disembodied, to access it.
• Awe makes people happier and increases pro-social behavior. Jay Shetty cites the awe effect, explaining awe makes us feel simultaneously tiny yet part of something bigger, producing both insignificance and connectedness at once.
• People live in protector mode, with a wall built up against awe and presence. From a spiritual perspective, healing means dismantling each brick of that wall to reconnect with and return to the presence within ourselves.

Questions & Answers

Q: What is happiness according to Gabrielle Bernstein?

Happiness, to Bernstein today, is the ability to be fully present in the moment with whatever is going on right here, right now. Her answer differs greatly from six years ago because she deepened her understanding of what happiness is not. After nine books and 16 years as a spiritual teacher, she feels she reached a place where happiness transcended obvious descriptions and became about actually being able to experience life through all its moment-to-moment richness.

Q: How does trauma affect our ability to be present?

According to Peter Levine, founder of somatic experiencing, trauma is the inability to be present, and it is often the root cause of most unhappiness. When trauma stays unresolved, people build up defense mechanisms against it, and that creates the inability to be present. Bernstein describes living stuck in truncated trauma for many years, moving through life dissociated and checked out, unable to fully experience each moment or even hug a dear friend while truly being in her body.

Q: What is the difference between big-T and small-T trauma?

Big-T trauma refers to major events like living through a catastrophic event or experiencing violence in the household. Small-T trauma refers to subtler moments, such as being told you're not good enough, being called stupid, being fat shamed by a friend, or being bullied. Bernstein emphasizes that we all have trauma in some form, and these seemingly insignificant moments, when left unresolved, can dictate the rest of our lives by keeping us from being present.

Q: Why is presence different from judgment or criticism?

Shetty notes that people often think being present means spotting everything going wrong or highlighting what they like and dislike. Bernstein explains that true presence is not about quieting the mind during meditation alone. It comes from going on the journey of undoing the storylines of your past to such a level that they no longer hold your nervous system, letting you reorganize your reactivity and your relationship to yourself and the world beyond constant judgment.

Q: What is a felt sense in somatic experiencing?

A felt sense, a concept from somatic experiencing, is the capacity to physically experience life fully. Bernstein describes standing outside her house in the country, feeling the season change and smelling spring, or looking into her son's eyes and feeling an insane rush of oxytocin move through her heart. She notes this is not the typical human experience, because most people move so fast and dissociated that they walk around disembodied, unable to take life in.

Q: Why does awe make people happier?

Shetty cites a study on the awe effect showing that people are happier and display more pro-social behavior when they experience awe. Awe usually comes from nature, beautiful landscapes, or views, but it can also come from something like someone's eyes. The reason people love awe is that they simultaneously feel tiny yet part of something bigger and beautiful, experiencing both a sense of insignificance and connectedness at the same time.

Q: How do we run away from trauma without realizing it?

Bernstein describes people living in protector mode, having built up a huge wall against the presence of awe and that energy. There are obvious ways people run away, but also hidden, in-between ways where people convince themselves they are not running away. From a spiritual perspective, healing requires dismantling each brick of that wall to reconnect and return to the presence within ourselves, unearthing why and how we have been running.

Q: What role did the global crisis play in healing?

Bernstein describes the gift of the global crisis everyone lived through as cracking so many people open to the reality that they could no longer just pretend anymore. This began the journey of unearthing why people have been running, how they have been running, and how to stop. She frames it as an opportunity to uplevel well-being, noting that readers and listeners have unconsciously and consciously raised their heads and said they are ready to level up.

Summary

In this video, the guest, Gabby Bernstein, discusses her book "Happy Days: The Guided Path from Trauma to Profound Freedom and Inner Peace." She talks about the concept of happiness, trauma, and how running from trauma is a common theme in people's lives. She also delves into the importance of being fully present and how to navigate through trauma.

Questions & Answers

Q: What is the concept of happiness according to Gabby Bernstein?

Happiness, according to Gabby Bernstein, is the ability to be fully present in the moment with whatever is going on. It involves deepening the awareness of what takes us out of the presence of joy and how unresolved trauma plays a significant role in our overall happiness.

Q: How does Gabby Bernstein define presence differently from the common understanding?

Gabby Bernstein defines presence as more than just being in the moment or observing without judgment. She believes that true presence comes from undoing the storylines of our past and resolving the defense mechanisms we have built up against trauma. It involves establishing a felt sense of being fully present and engaged with life in all its richness.

Q: How does trauma affect our ability to be present and experience happiness?

Trauma, whether big T trauma or small t trauma, has the ability to make us unable to be present and fully experience life. It creates defense mechanisms and disconnects us from the present moment. Unresolved trauma builds walls that prevent us from truly connecting with ourselves and others, and it hinders our ability to find joy and happiness.

Q: How does trauma manifest in our lives and impact our well-being?

Trauma can manifest in various ways, from physical conditions like gastrointestinal issues, sleep disorders, and acne to mental and emotional conditions like panic attacks, depression, and anxiety. It can also affect our relationships, work, and overall sense of well-being. Trauma, regardless of its size or form, influences our behaviors, beliefs, and how we navigate through life.

Q: How can we help ourselves and our partners when facing trauma?

To help ourselves and our partners navigate trauma, open, honest communication is crucial. Sharing our experiences, fears, and intentions can create understanding and support. It's important to recognize that healing from trauma is a gradual process, and both individuals need to be patient and compassionate with each other. Providing resources, such as books or podcasts, can also be helpful in gaining insight and perspective.

Q: What are some hidden ways we run away from trauma?

Some hidden ways we run away from trauma include turning to substances like drugs or alcohol, seeking external validation through work or accomplishments, engaging in addictive behaviors, seeking control, and harboring judgment and criticism. These protective mechanisms help us avoid facing the pain of unresolved trauma, but they ultimately hinder our ability to be fully present and find genuine happiness.

Q: How can we begin to heal trauma without getting overwhelmed or stuck?

Healing trauma requires a slow and gentle process. It's important not to rush or force the healing journey. Titrating in and out, taking breaks, and seeking professional guidance are essential. The book "Happy Days" provides step-by-step guidance and offers different practices and exercises to help individuals navigate trauma without overwhelming themselves. Recognizing when it's necessary to take a step back and returning to therapy when needed can prevent getting stuck or overwhelmed.

Q: What was one surprise Gabby Bernstein encountered during her own trauma healing journey?

One surprise Gabby Bernstein encountered during her trauma healing journey was the discovery of deep-rooted shame. Despite being a spiritual teacher and author, she had buried her shame so deeply that she didn't even realize it was there. The journey of healing trauma also revealed core beliefs and impermissible feelings that had been driving her behaviors and choices in life.

Q: How does Gabby Bernstein view the relationship between physical conditions and trauma?

According to Gabby Bernstein, physical conditions are often manifestations of unresolved trauma. Conditions like gastrointestinal issues, sleep disorders, migraines, and even acne can be connected to underlying emotions and trauma. Addressing the psychological and emotional aspects of trauma can have a positive effect on physical conditions, as the body and mind are connected.

Q: What is the importance of facing and speaking about trauma?

The importance of facing and speaking about trauma lies in breaking the stigma and shifting the shame associated with it. Trauma can lurk beneath the surface, causing distress in various aspects of life. By bringing it to light and sharing our experiences, we create a space for healing, connection, and understanding.

Takeaways

The video highlights the significance of trauma in our lives and how it impacts our ability to find happiness and be fully present. Trauma, whether big or small, affects our behaviors, beliefs, and well-being. Healing trauma requires a gradual and gentle process, acknowledging the body's response, and seeking professional guidance. The journey of healing trauma can reveal deep-rooted emotions, such as shame, and the importance of open communication and support from partners is crucial. Recognizing the psychosomatic nature of physical conditions can help individuals explore the emotional and psychological aspects of trauma. Facing and speaking about trauma creates an opportunity for healing, connection, and growth.

Summary & Key Takeaways

• Gabrielle Bernstein returns to Jay Shetty's On Purpose podcast to discuss her ninth book, Happy Days: The Guided Path from Trauma to Profound Freedom and Inner Peace. She explains that after 16 years as a spiritual teacher, her definition of happiness has changed to mean the ability to be fully present.

• Trauma, defined by Peter Levine as the inability to be present, is the root cause of most unhappiness. Both big-T trauma like violence and small-T trauma like being bullied or told you're not good enough build defense mechanisms that leave people dissociated, checked out, and disembodied.

• True presence requires undoing the storylines of the past until they no longer hold the nervous system, developing a felt sense of life. Shetty connects this to awe, which makes people feel tiny yet connected, and both agree the global crisis cracked many people open to stop running and begin healing.