What Do Sex Positions Feel Like for Women?

TL;DR

In missionary, clitoral stimulation comes from keeping your pelvis pressed close and grinding, since there's little G-spot contact unless you're long enough to reach deeper spots. Cowgirl gives a woman control over depth and speed but can make her self-conscious. Reading her body and adjusting in real time matters more than the position itself.

Transcript

You already know that sex feels very different for men and women. But have you ever wondered exactly how different? Do you ever wonder what sex actually feels like for a woman? Not just out of curiosity, but also because in order to provide a really incredible experience and to be the best lover that she has ever had, you need to get inside of her ... Read More

Key Insights

• Missionary provides little to no G-spot stimulation, so clitoral stimulation from staying close and grinding your pelvis against hers is what supports her reaching orgasm, unless a man is long enough to reach the A-spot or P-spot near the cervix.
• Pounding deep in missionary stimulates the vestibular bulbs, which sit outside the body under the lips, and can reach the A-spot and P-spot even without extra length, but it should come after she is warmed up and has already had an orgasm or two.
• Creating a little space between bodies in missionary lets a woman reach her fingers down to touch her own clitoris, which many women need in order to reach orgasm during penetration.
• Body weight matters in missionary: holding yourself up on your wrists can feel distant, while laying all your weight down can feel stifling, so maintaining pelvic connection is the priority.
• Missionary aligns partners heart to heart and face to face, making it emotionally intense and hard to distract from, which can deepen connection but makes fantasizing more difficult.
• Cowgirl is more physically demanding and can feel dominant for a woman since she is on top, and it gives her total control over how fast or slow penetration happens, which helps when a man is larger.
• Cowgirl can make women self-conscious because their body is fully exposed and viewed from an unflattering upward angle, causing some to get stuck in their heads or avoid the position entirely.
• Sex therapist Vanessa Marin, author of Sex Talks, advises naming your fears with your partner and using the pancake rule, treating a first attempt as an experiment since the first pancake never comes out right.

Questions & Answers

Q: What does missionary position feel like for a woman?

Missionary provides little to no G-spot stimulation, so what feels good comes from the man staying close and grinding his pelvis against hers to stimulate the clitoris, which supports her reaching orgasm. It can feel close and connected because partners are lined up heart to heart and face to face, allowing eye contact and kissing. Body weight affects the experience: too little feels distant, too much feels stifling. Emotionally it can be very intense and, when it hits just right, can feel like souls temporarily merging.

Q: How can a man help a woman orgasm in missionary?

The key is maintaining connection between your pelvis and hers, since that pressure stimulates the clitoris, which is what supports her getting to orgasm given there is little G-spot contact. Stay close and grind a little. After she is warmed up and has already had an orgasm or two, pounding stimulates the vestibular bulbs and can hit the A-spot and P-spot. Alternatively, creating a little more space lets her reach her fingers down to touch her own clitoris, which many women need to reach orgasm.

Q: Why do some women feel self-conscious in the cowgirl position?

Cowgirl exposes a woman completely because the man is looking up at her and can see her boobs, belly, face, and the bottom of her chin, which most people know from selfies is not a flattering angle. This can cause women to get stuck in their minds, thinking about how they look rather than staying in the moment. It is also physically demanding, so a woman who is not feeling fit may get winded and embarrassed. Many women avoid getting on top because they are afraid of looking foolish in front of their partner.

Q: What is the pancake rule for trying new sex positions?

The pancake rule comes from sex therapist Vanessa Marin, author of the book Sex Talks. The idea is that when you make pancakes, the first one never comes out just right and is always a little wonky. So instead of putting pressure on the first time you try something like cowgirl, treat it as an experiment, something you are just playing around with and having fun with. It is only the first pancake. Marin also advises naming your fears with your partner and having a conversation before trying.

Q: What advantages does cowgirl offer during sex?

In cowgirl, the woman is on top and straddles the man while facing him, which can feel more physically demanding and even a little dominant for her. If a man is larger, it can be a great position to start in because she has total control over how fast or slow penetration happens and how deep it goes. The man can use the fact that her body is exposed to touch her skin, neck, sides, butt, and breasts, and this physical connection all over her body helps her stay out of her head and in the moment.

Q: How should couples pace themselves in cowgirl?

Both partners should be realistic about what they are up for and make adjustments as necessary. If her quads get tired, she can lean over and lie on the man's body to take a little break. If the man is close to orgasming, she can slow down and gently grind so he can extend his time. She does not have to be bouncing around like the man is a trampoline. The creator also notes that a woman's desire to ride cowgirl can decrease sharply after she orgasms, since she may feel physically weak or woozy and want to relax.

Q: Why does understanding a woman's experience during sex matter?

Understanding exactly how sex feels from her perspective lets a man intentionally create different experiences that leave her feeling like he has read her mind and knows what she wants, why she wants it, and how to deliver it. It also creates variety and helps spice things up so she stays curious and wants more. It gives insight into why she may not want certain positions. The creator stresses that only a woman herself can tell you what is truly going on in her head, so this knowledge is a starting point for asking her directly.

Q: How does emotional connection affect the missionary experience?

Because missionary is face to face, partners are lined up heart to heart, which is why it can feel so close and connected. It is a great position when the energy is good and emotions are flowing, when you are making eye contact, kissing, and whispering sweet or dirty things. The creator says she has been moved to tears making love in missionary on several occasions, and when it hits just right, especially if partners orgasm at the same time, it can feel cosmic like their souls temporarily merge. A man can also bury his head in her neck to avoid eye contact and make it less emotionally intense.

Summary & Key Takeaways

• The creator, who has researched and taught about sex for almost 20 years, explains what missionary, cowgirl, spooning, and doggy style feel like for women physically and mentally, sharing from her own perspective and coaching experience to help men understand sex from a woman's point of view.

• In missionary, staying close and grinding stimulates the clitoris because there is little G-spot contact. Deep pounding after she is warmed up hits the vestibular bulbs and possibly the A-spot and P-spot. Creating space lets her touch her own clitoris, which many women need to orgasm.

• Cowgirl gives a woman control over depth and pace but can trigger self-consciousness from being exposed. Vanessa Marin's advice is to name fears with a partner and treat first tries as experiments using the pancake rule, while both people stay realistic and make adjustments as needed.