How to Overcome Fear and Create the Life You Want

TL;DR

You gain freedom not by avoiding fear but by confronting it, so write down your biggest fears, rank them, and tackle the largest first. Spend 30 minutes making a fear list, then take one uncomfortable step today rather than planning to start later. The moment you go all in on your fears is the moment they start to disappear.

Transcript

Most people spend 30 plus years climbing the wrong ladder, doing the wrong things, trying to get to the wrong place, only to realize when it's too late. You could finally learn the right process for creating what you want in your life. That's what we're about to do right here. There's a number of main keys that I want to talk about in this video. T... Read More

Key Insights

• Writing down your deepest fears and then facing them is the first key to creating the life you want. Putting fears on paper moves them out of your head so you can literally look at them and reflect, instead of leaving them stuck inside.
• You cannot outsmart or outanalyze your fears. The only way through is to embody and embrace them, because the moment you go all in on your fears is the moment they start to disappear.
• Building a fear list means writing every fear down one by one, ranking them by which makes you most afraid, then tackling the biggest ones first, taking on these fears daily for the next one to two years.
• Facing fear starts with one small, uncomfortable step taken today, not a game plan for next month. If there is someone you have been afraid to talk to, call or text them and start the conversation now.
• Lewis Howes hit rock bottom in his early 20s: he broke his wrist playing arena football, slept on his sister's couch for a year and a half, had no money and no college degree, and lost the athletic identity his whole self was tied to.
• Courage produces clarity and confidence. You gain freedom not by avoiding fear but by confronting it, and that confrontation is how clarity and confidence are born, though it takes courage to create them.
• The second key is identifying the season of life you are in. Don't fear the pause or curse the climb, because your highest self is always right on time, and there are multiple seasons rather than one.
• To go three steps forward you have to go three steps deep. Building a deeper foundation of courage, morals, values, and integrity means adversity makes you bend rather than break, because you are rooted in truth and strength.

Questions & Answers

Q: How do you overcome your fears according to Lewis Howes?

You overcome fear by embodying and embracing it rather than trying to outsmart or outanalyze it. The moment you go all in on your fears is the moment your fear starts to disappear. Howes recommends spending 30 minutes writing a fear list, ranking each fear by how afraid it makes you, then tackling the biggest ones first and taking action on them one by one every single day. He emphasizes choosing one uncomfortable step today instead of making a plan to start later, because you gain freedom by confronting fear, not avoiding it.

Q: What is a fear list and how do you make one?

A fear list is a written record of your biggest fears. Howes suggests spending about 30 minutes writing your fears down one by one, then ranking them to identify which one makes you most afraid. You start tackling the biggest fears first and take action on them daily. Writing fears down matters because it moves them out of your head and onto paper, so instead of the fear staying stuck inside you emotionally or psychologically, you can look at it and literally face it. Most people never do this because they never speak about their fear.

Q: Why should you write your fears down instead of just thinking about them?

Writing your fears down externalizes them so they are no longer stuck inside you emotionally or psychologically. When you put a fear on paper and look at it, you are facing it and your fears are facing you, which Howes calls a great first step that most people never take. People typically keep fear locked inside and never speak about it. By writing it or speaking it out loud, you allow yourself to look at it, reflect, and then identify the specific action you need to step into to overcome it.

Q: What happened to Lewis Howes in his early 20s?

In his early 20s, around the 2007 to 2008 economic crash, Howes was playing arena football when he broke his wrist and needed surgery. He slept on his sister's couch for a year and a half while recovering. His entire identity was tied to being an athlete, and when that ended through injury he did not know what he would do next. He had no money, no college degree, and felt broken physically, spiritually, and emotionally. He was afraid of intimacy, abandonment, public speaking, and putting himself out there.

Q: How did Lewis Howes face his fear of speaking Spanish publicly?

Speaking Spanish publicly remained on Howes' fear list because he is not fluent and felt insecure about it. Instead of committing to an hour-long speech in a language he does not speak yet, he asked whether he could do just one minute on stage in front of a Spanish-speaking audience. A year ago he was paid to speak at a large convention for a company in Mexico, where he knew translators and headphones would be provided. He wrote out and practiced a one-minute Spanish opening. It was terrifying and uncomfortable, but he took the action and went through it.

Q: What does it mean to identify the season of life you are in?

The second key Howes shares is identifying and reflecting on what season of life you are currently in. He advises not to fear the pause or curse the climb, because your highest self is always right on time. He compares life to sports, noting that people think there is only one season when there are actually multiple, including a preseason. Understanding your current season helps you approach it with the right mindset rather than rushing or judging yourself for where you are in the process.

Q: What does going three steps deep to go three steps forward mean?

Howes credits his friend Jay Shetty with the idea that to go three steps forward you have to go three steps deep. Rather than the common saying that you take one step back to go two forward, Howes prefers going deeper on what you are working on in order to go higher. Building a deeper foundation of strength, courage, morals, values, and integrity gives you the strength to accelerate higher. The deeper your roots, the more adversity, challenge, pain, or obstacles will only make you bend rather than break, because you are rooted in truth and strength.

Q: What book does Lewis Howes recommend for overcoming fear?

Howes recommends his book The Greatness Mindset, which he describes as a New York Times bestseller. He calls it the book he wishes he had 10 or 20 years ago and a foundational blueprint to help uncover every fear, overcome all self-doubt, and step into your purpose and meaningful mission. He says he breaks down the fear list and the entire process of overcoming fear with exercises in the book. The video description also mentions another of his New York Times bestselling books, Make Money Easy.

Summary & Key Takeaways

• Most people spend 30 plus years climbing the wrong ladder and realize it too late. The first key to creating what you want is to write down your deepest fears and then face them, because you cannot outsmart or outanalyze fear.

• Lewis Howes shares hitting bottom in his early 20s after a football injury, sleeping on his sister's couch, having no money or degree, and his father's near-death car accident that left him unable to work or remember. Fear filled every category of his life.

• The practical method is a 30-minute fear list: write fears down, rank them, and tackle the biggest first, taking one uncomfortable step today. The second key is identifying your season of life, going deeper to build a foundation strong enough to skyrocket higher.