Are Women In Charge Of The Dating Market? - Jon Birger | Modern Wisdom Podcast 448

TL;DR

Women are not simply in charge of the dating market; Jon Birger argues that local sex ratios and educational preferences shape who holds leverage. Over the past 20–30 years, about one-third more women than men have graduated from college across Western countries and many non-Western countries, while university graduates increasingly seek one another. Read on to see how assortative mating, dating apps, and local demographics affect dating behavior.

Transcript

a woman met a guy who's five foot nine at the party and brilliant and funny and handsome she's not gonna notice these five foot nine but when it comes down to putting a number on a screening function on a dating app people start treating dating like shopping john berger welcome to the show chris thanks for having me on the podcast talk to me about ... Read More

Key Insights

• 👫 The dating market imbalance between college-educated women and men creates challenges for women seeking partners.
• 🧑‍🤝‍🧑 Assortative mating based on educational background contributes to the dating imbalance.
• 🥳 Sex ratios on college campuses influence dating culture and behavior.
• 👫 Women can benefit from making the first move and being open-minded about dating individuals with different educational backgrounds.
• 👫 The #MeToo movement has influenced dating dynamics, with men becoming more cautious and hesitant to initiate interactions.
• 👯 The genuine stories of how people meet are essential for building connections.
• 🥺 Online dating can be perceived as unsafe, leading to increased anxiety and cautiousness.
• 🤕 Age gaps in relationships can provide advantages and address specific challenges faced by women.

Questions & Answers

Q: Are women in charge of the dating market?

Not categorically. Jon Birger argues that dating behavior responds to the local ratio of men to women: when men are scarce, dating tends to involve more casual sex and fewer dates before sex, while a surplus of men shifts behavior toward what women tend to prefer.

Q: Why has dating become easier for college-educated men than for college-educated women?

Birger says that over the past 20–30 years, about one-third more women than men have graduated from college in every Western country and many non-Western countries. Because university graduates often prefer to date and marry other university graduates, the post-college dating pool contains more educated women competing for fewer educated men.

Q: Is the college-educated dating imbalance limited to major cities?

No. Birger initially suspected that job markets in cosmopolitan cities such as New York, London, Toronto, and Los Angeles attracted more college-educated women, but his research led him to call it an everywhere issue rather than a big-city problem.

Q: What is assortative mating?

Assortative mating is the tendency of university graduates to date and marry other university graduates. Birger says its rise makes the educational gender imbalance more consequential because graduates are less open to partners with different educational backgrounds.

Q: Why does Jon Birger think assortative mating has increased?

His theory is that familiarity and social stratification play major roles. He suggests that university graduates and non-university graduates do not encounter one another as often as they did 40 years ago through mixed communities, churches, or social clubs.

Q: How do local sex ratios change dating behavior?

The discussion says people adapt their mating strategies to the relative numbers of men and women around them. A surplus of men is associated with more dates before sex, less casual sex, and higher rates of virginity, while a surplus of women is associated with more casual sex and fewer dates before sex.

Q: How can women respond to an imbalanced dating market?

Birger encourages women to make the first move and to consider partners with different educational backgrounds. The existing insights also recommend focusing on genuine real-life interactions rather than relying entirely on dating apps.

Q: How can dating apps make partner selection more restrictive?

The discussion contrasts meeting someone naturally with screening profiles by fixed criteria. A woman might find a five-foot-nine man brilliant, funny, and handsome at a party without focusing on his height, but a numerical filter on an app can turn dating into a shopping-like process.

Summary & Key Takeaways

• The dating market has become easier for men than women, with a higher number of college-educated women than men in many countries.

• Assortative mating, where people prefer to date and marry individuals with similar educational backgrounds, contributes to the dating imbalance.

• The prevailing sex ratios at college campuses impact dating culture and behavior, with different dynamics observed based on the number of men and women present.