Having Trouble Finding Love? Watch This! Feat. Jay Shetty | Mel Robbins Podcast Clips

TL;DR

To improve your chances of finding love, build a sense of worth that does not depend on someone else choosing you. Jay Shetty says the story you tell yourself becomes your reality and recommends using solitude to discover what you genuinely like. Reflect on people, places, and projects with three simple questions so you do not lose yourself in relationships. Read on for the practical prompts.

Transcript

I want to start sort of at the beginning of the spectrum so you receive so many people from around the world every day and so do I writing in because they can't find love because they have a string of relationships that have failed and they have a story about needing to find love about I can't find love about and I I as a mom having had two daughte... Read More

Key Insights

• 🥰 Our minds create fictional versions of our love story, which can change daily based on our thoughts and beliefs.
• 🥰 The story we tell ourselves about love becomes our reality, so it is crucial to change the narrative to one of self-worth.
• 😚 Solitude is an important aspect of self-discovery, allowing individuals to learn about their own preferences and avoid losing themselves in relationships.
• 🥺 Seeking validation from others in relationships leads to settling, dependency, and fear of being alone.
• 🥰 Childhood experiences and parental influence shape our search for love, often causing us to seek what we didn't receive from our parents.
• 🥰 Giving ourselves the love and validation we seek from others is essential for finding true love.
• 🍝 Reflecting on past experiences and evaluating our own likes and dislikes helps in understanding ourselves better.

Questions & Answers

Q: How can you find love when past relationships have made you feel unlovable?

Begin by changing the story you tell yourself about love, because you naturally look for evidence that confirms it. If your worth depends on another person loving you, a change in their feelings can immediately make you feel unlovable again.

Q: What is the first rule for changing how you think about love?

The first rule focuses on what you do alone. Use that time to learn what you like, dislike, want to experience, and do not enjoy instead of waiting for another person to validate your worth.

Q: How does your inner story about love affect your relationships?

The story you repeat becomes the reality you search for and perpetuate. If you believe no one is attracted to you or that you are not good enough, your attention will focus on experiences that seem to confirm those beliefs.

Q: Why is solitude important when looking for love?

Solitude is described as the strength of being alone, while loneliness is described as its weakness. Time alone lets you understand yourself and establish a sense of worth that does not depend on someone else's approval.

Q: How can you discover what you genuinely like?

Try experiences first, then reflect after they are complete because judging them in advance can be misleading. Apply this process to people, places, and projects, just as you would decide whether you enjoyed a restaurant or its food.

Q: What three questions can help you evaluate an experience?

Ask whether you liked it, what you liked or disliked about it, and whether the negative reaction came from discomfort or from genuinely finding it terrible. These questions can be used after work projects and time spent with people or groups.

Q: Why do people lose themselves after they start dating someone?

They may adopt the other person's likes and dislikes without first understanding their own. After a few years, this can leave them feeling that they no longer know who they are.

Q: How can reflection help you make better relationship choices?

Reflecting after spending time with someone helps you notice whether you actually enjoyed the experience and why. Without that pause, you may keep returning to the same person even when you would avoid a restaurant after one bad experience.

Summary & Key Takeaways

• Many people struggle to find love due to past relationship failures and a negative view of themselves.

• The story we tell ourselves about love becomes our reality, so it is important to change the narrative of being unlovable or not good enough.

• Solitude, or the strength of being alone, is essential for self-discovery and understanding one's likes and dislikes.