KENDALL JENNER ON: Setting Boundaries & Putting Yourself First For SUCCESS & HAPPINESS | Jay Shetty

TL;DR

Setting boundaries and learning to say no protected Kendall Jenner's well-being after five overworked years in modeling. She decided at 14 to become a model, pushed relentlessly until about 23, then prioritized her own happiness by saying no when possible, reconnecting with horses, and grounding her self-worth internally rather than in others' opinions.

Transcript

what would you say for you as being one of your like proudest moments or greatest achievements or something that you really feel like and internally I mean like for the basis of our conversation like something that really brings you Joy internally when you think about it or when when you had it like I said I look back and the things that I've accom... Read More

Key Insights

• Deciding on a goal early and executing it fully is a genuine source of pride. Kendall Jenner decided at 14 that she wanted to be a model, asked her mom for help, and did not stop pursuing it until she was 24.
• Overwork can erode happiness even when you love the work itself. During roughly five core years, Jenner felt overwhelmed and unhappy because she kept saying yes to everything out of gratitude for her position.
• Setting boundaries requires more courage when you have everything to lose than when you have nothing. Jenner set boundaries around age 23, about a year before the pandemic, despite people warning her not to stop.
• Saying no can make you show up better for yourself and others. After setting boundaries, Jenner felt she could be a better person for the people around her and those she worked with each day.
• Trusting that things will work out enables letting go. Jenner reached a point of accepting she would be okay if she didn't get a job tomorrow or next month, believing everything works out as it should.
• Reclaiming small pleasures matters as much as big changes. With her newfound time, Jenner valued simple things like attending a friend's birthday party, which her heavy work schedule had previously prevented.
• Happiness that depends on others' actions leaves you at the mercy of things you cannot control. Jenner treats being happy as a core goal and refuses to let external opinions determine her sense of well-being.
• Affirmation and self-talk anchor identity against false narratives. Jenner looks in the mirror and reassures herself of who she is, trusting that her friends, family, and even her dog and horse know her true self.

Questions & Answers

Q: How did Kendall Jenner decide to become a model?

Kendall Jenner said she decided at 14 years old that she wanted to be a model and that this was what she wanted to do. She went to her mom and asked for help, then pursued the goal with determination and did not stop until she was about 24. She describes being proud of being that determined kid and executing on the decision to the level she achieved, which she views as one of her proudest accomplishments.

Q: Why did Kendall Jenner become unhappy despite loving her work?

Jenner explains that for the core five years of her modeling career she was extremely overworked and not at her happiest, not because she wasn't doing what she loved but because she was overwhelmed. She felt she was saying yes to everything because she was grateful and honored to be in her position. Constantly saying yes took a lot out of her to the point where she was no longer happy, which pushed her to set boundaries.

Q: When did Kendall Jenner start setting boundaries?

Jenner set boundaries for herself around age 23 to 24, which she estimates was about a year before the pandemic, settling on roughly 23. She decided she wanted to continue modeling because she loved it, but needed to start saying no when she could and prioritizing her own happiness and well-being. She says this shift did wonders for her, allowing her to show up better for herself and the people around her.

Q: Why does it take courage to set boundaries when you're successful?

Jay Shetty notes that when you have nothing there is nothing to lose, so courage comes easily, but when you have everything and everything to lose it takes far more courage. Jenner faced people, including some who worked for her and could benefit from her continuing, telling her not to say no or stop. She fought her way out because she knew that going any further would mean losing herself.

Q: What did Kendall Jenner do with her newfound time?

After setting boundaries, Jenner took time to be off for a while and rediscovered simple pleasures. She mentions being able to attend a friend's birthday party, which her heavy work schedule had previously prevented. Around that same time, roughly age 23, she bought the horse she now jumps and rides, returning to a hobby she had loved her whole life. She focused on taking more time for things that made her genuinely happy.

Q: How does Kendall Jenner protect her happiness from others' opinions?

Jenner says that if your happiness depends on the actions of others, you are at the mercy of things you cannot control, which is never where she wants to be. She works with her therapist on living in her 'higher goddess' or higher self, a place no one can take away from her regardless of whether they agree or disagree with her. She strives to hold onto her happiness and not let anyone else affect it.

Q: What role do affirmations play in Kendall Jenner's mindset?

Jenner says she loves words of affirmation and has learned a lot about talking to herself and looking in the mirror. She reassures herself by saying she is great, gorgeous, amazing, loyal, and positive. This matters to her because there are many false narratives about her, and reminding herself of who she is helps her cope when she reads or hears unfair things that don't reflect her true self.

Q: How does Kendall Jenner handle false narratives about herself?

Jenner acknowledges that many people think they have her figured out when they don't know the half of it, and that reading or hearing untrue things said about her can feel unfair and really gets to her at times. Her response is to look at herself in the mirror and affirm that she knows who she is. She reasons that her friends, family, dog, and horse know who she is, so everything else is just noise that shouldn't matter.

Summary

In this video, Kendall Jenner discusses her proudest moments and greatest achievements. She shares how she pursued her dream of being a model and the self-work she has done along the way. She talks about the importance of setting boundaries and prioritizing one's happiness. The conversation also touches on topics like courage, navigating the competitive industry, and the belief that being happy is essential. Kendall shares her journey of finding balance and taking time for herself, as well as the qualities of her higher self. The discussion emphasizes the need to see individuals in their complexity rather than reducing them to a singular view.

Questions & Answers

Q: What is one of your proudest moments or greatest achievements?

For me, one of my proudest moments is when I pursued my dream of being a model. It was something I decided at a young age and worked towards for many years. Executing that dream and reaching the level I have achieved brings me immense joy and pride.

Q: How did you find the courage to set boundaries and say no to certain things?

At around 23 years old, I reached a point where I was overworked and overwhelmed. I realized that if I continued on that path, I would lose myself. It was important for me to prioritize my well-being and happiness. While there were people telling me not to say no, I knew deep down that I had to do it. It was an indescribable sensation, knowing that making that choice would ultimately make me better for myself and the people around me.

Q: In a competitive industry like yours, where there's comparison and pressure, how did you have the courage to prioritize your happiness?

Prioritizing happiness in a competitive industry can be challenging, but I knew that my well-being was more important than anything else. I didn't want my happiness to depend on the actions of others or external validation. I learned to talk positively to myself, using words of affirmation and reassurance. I also recognized that false narratives exist about me, and I focused on staying true to who I am, regardless of what others may say or think.

Q: What did you do with the newfound time and freedom after setting boundaries?

With the newfound time, I allowed myself to enjoy simple things. I could attend my friend's birthday party, which wasn't possible when I was constantly working. I also started indulging in the activities that brought me joy, such as horse riding. It was a time of rediscovery and reconnecting with things that truly made me happy.

Q: What qualities does your higher self possess?

My higher self is confident and compassionate. I don't like dwelling on negativity or engaging in self-pity. Instead, I embrace positive self-talk and affirmations. It's about knowing who I am, even when faced with unfair criticism or false narratives. This belief in my higher self allows me to hold onto my happiness and not let others affect it.

Q: How do you navigate perceptions and the tendency to put people in boxes?

I believe that everyone is multidimensional, and it's essential to recognize that. People often create singular views of others based on limited knowledge or impressions from social media. It's crucial to remember that we are all complex and that no one truly knows the full picture of who we are. Instead of seeking validation from others' perceptions, I focus on my own beliefs and the opinions of those who truly know and understand me.

Q: How do you handle the pressure of social media and external opinions?

Social media can be overwhelming and lead to comparison and negativity. To counter this, I aim to live in alignment with my higher self. I hold onto my happiness and refuse to allow others' opinions to define me. I remind myself of the people who know and love the real me, like my family, friends, and even my pets. By focusing on my own happiness and surrounding myself with supportive people, I navigate the pressure of social media more effectively.

Q: How do you stay grounded and confident in a fast-paced industry?

Staying grounded and confident involves self-reflection and reminding myself of my worth. I practice affirmations and spend time with my thoughts, acknowledging my strengths, beauty, and loyalty. I focus on the person I am beyond the industry's demands and the external perceptions. This inner confidence helps me navigate the industry's challenges and stay true to myself.

Q: How did you learn to prioritize your own happiness and well-being?

I realized that external recognition and success weren't enough to sustain my happiness in the long run. I wanted to feel genuinely good and fulfilled, which required prioritizing my own well-being. This realization led me to set boundaries, say no when necessary, and engage in activities that truly brought me happiness. Prioritizing myself has allowed me to show up as a better person for myself and those around me.

Q: What advice do you have for others struggling to prioritize their happiness?

My advice would be to trust in yourself and prioritize your well-being. It's essential to know who you are beyond external expectations and the opinions of others. Take the time to explore what truly brings you joy and make it a priority in your life. Remember that happiness comes from within and should not depend on the actions or perceptions of others.

Takeaways

Kendall Jenner's journey in pursuing her dreams and finding happiness teaches us important lessons. Setting boundaries and prioritizing our well-being takes courage, especially in competitive industries. It's crucial to recognize our multidimensional nature and not let others' perceptions define us. By grounding ourselves in our own beliefs and values, practicing self-affirmation, and surrounding ourselves with supportive people, we can navigate the pressures of social media and embrace our happiness. Prioritizing our well-being is essential for personal growth and the ability to show up as the best version of ourselves.

Summary & Key Takeaways

• Kendall Jenner decided at 14 that she wanted to be a model, asked her mom for help, and pursued it with determination until about 24. She is proud of executing that goal, but even prouder of the internal self-work she did throughout the demanding process.

• During roughly five core years she was extremely overworked and unhappy, not because she disliked the work but because she felt overwhelmed from constantly saying yes out of gratitude. Around age 23, about a year before the pandemic, she set boundaries and began saying no when she could.

• Prioritizing her happiness let her show up better for herself and others. She reconnected with horse riding, embraced small joys, and grounds her identity in a 'higher goddess' self through affirmation, refusing to let external opinions or false narratives control her well-being.