How To Know When It Is Time To Break Up With Someone | Mel Robbins Podcast Clips

TL;DR

It is time to break up when you know deep down that you are no longer happy in the relationship, according to 18-year-old Oakley. He says fear of hurting the other person often holds people back, but temporary sadness or awkwardness is better than remaining unhappy. He also explains how space can make friendship with an ex possible, so read on for his specific boundaries and relationship advice.

Transcript

ooh Oakley this next question is about breaking up and it's from a listener who's a young adult like you and they specifically wanted your take on this topic and I think that's an important note to highlight for you listening because I can give all the advice in the world but I'm 55 and sometimes you want to hear from somebody your age and as an 18... Read More

Key Insights

• 🤕 Prioritizing personal happiness is crucial when considering a breakup, even if it means potentially hurting the other person.
• 🤲 Building meaningful connections through getting to know someone before engaging in physical intimacy can enhance the overall relationship experience.
• 💱 Maintaining a friendship with an ex requires space, time, and understanding that the relationship dynamics might change.
• 👊 Creating a family group chat can foster better communication and a sense of connection among siblings.
• ❓ Reaching out and assuring younger siblings of your continuous support contributes to a healthy sibling relationship.
• 👶 Gaining confidence involves stepping out of your comfort zone, trying new things, and surrounding yourself with supportive people.
• 🤳 Middle school can be a challenging time for self-esteem, but understanding that everyone goes through similar experiences can help alleviate self-consciousness.

Questions & Answers

Q: How do I know when it is time to break up with someone?

Oakley says you will know deep down what you want. If you are no longer happy in the relationship, he advises considering what will make you feel best instead of staying primarily to protect the other person's feelings.

Q: Should fear of hurting my partner stop me from breaking up?

No, Oakley says worry about the other person's feelings is often what prevents someone from ending an unhappy relationship. Their crying or sadness may be painful, but he describes it as a moment in time rather than a reason to remain unhappy.

Q: What if I will still see my ex at school?

Oakley acknowledges that seeing an ex at school may feel awkward or sad. He argues that an uncomfortable encounter might last about an hour, whereas staying with someone you are unhappy with prolongs the problem.

Q: Is it possible to be friends with an ex?

Yes, Oakley says former partners can still be friends and occasionally spend time together. However, they need to accept that the friendship will not be exactly like the relationship they had while dating and may sometimes feel awkward.

Q: What boundaries help you become friends with an ex?

Oakley recommends taking space at the beginning and allowing the transition to take time. He advises against post-breakup hookups, immediately getting back together, or calling the ex while drunk.

Q: Why does Oakley prefer knowing someone before hooking up?

Oakley says he wants to know, care about, and respect the person and feel that something exists between them. For him, that connection makes being together feel more special and enjoyable, though he does not say others are wrong for choosing differently.

Q: How can I support a younger sibling when I leave for college?

Reach out and clearly say that you are always available if your sibling needs to talk, even when you are no longer living at home. Oakley says siblings do not need to speak every day; he and his sisters sometimes talk about twice a month while living their own lives.

Q: How can a family group chat help siblings stay connected?

Oakley says a family group chat makes it easy to share photos, memes, brief updates, celebrations, or a simple message such as saying you miss everyone. Family members can participate without needing a serious conversation, which helps them feel connected even when someone is not a frequent texter.

Summary & Key Takeaways

• Oakley suggests that when considering a breakup, it's important to prioritize personal happiness and not let fear of hurting the other person hold you back.

• He believes in getting to know someone before engaging in a hookup, as it creates a more meaningful and enjoyable experience for him.

• Oakley advises creating a family group chat for better communication and staying connected with siblings, even if it's not a daily conversation.