An Evolutionary Psychologist's Dating Advice - Geoffrey Miller | Modern Wisdom Podcast 432

TL;DR

The mismatch between ancestral norms and the modern world has led to changes in dating and mating behaviors, such as the increasing number of women choosing not to have children by age 30.

Transcript

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Key Insights

• 🧙‍♀️ The decline in the number of women having children by age 30 is a significant deviation from ancestrally normal behavior.
• ❓ Emotional reactions to prolonged infertility can negatively affect relationships.
• ❓ The mating market and its mismatches are a fascinating and frustrating area of study.
• ❓ Understanding the evolutionary perspectives on mating and dating can provide valuable insights into human nature and behavior.
• 🧑‍🤝‍🧑 Choosing role models who are successful in various aspects of life can be beneficial when navigating the complexities of dating and mating.
• 🔉 Social media and online platforms can be harnessed to manipulate and signal various traits in the mating market.
• 👾 Perspective taking is essential to navigate the complexities of the dating and mating game.
• 💨 Slut-shaming serves as a way to enforce social norms and protect the sexual marketplace from becoming a price war of easy sex.
• 🥺 Understanding the roots of mating behaviors can lead to a better appreciation of the unique qualities and possibilities of human life.

Questions & Answers

Q: Why is the declining number of women having children by age 30 considered a mismatch with ancestral norms?

In ancestral times, women would have started reproducing at a younger age due to puberty occurring earlier. The delay in reproduction in modern society is a significant deviation from what was biologically optimal for humans in the past.

Q: How does the delay in reproduction impact relationships and emotions?

The delay in reproduction can lead to emotional conflict and questioning of commitment in relationships. The absence of a pregnancy after having sex for an extended period of time can create doubts about the viability of the relationship. This emotional impact has not been extensively studied but is likely to have negative effects on relationships.

Q: Is there an instinctive reason why a couple becomes less attracted to each other when they choose not to have children?

While this has not been extensively studied, it is possible that there is an instinctive reaction to prolonged infertility, suggesting that the relationship may not be viable for reproduction. This emotional reaction could manifest as decreased attraction and doubts about the relationship.

Q: How does the concept of mismatch apply to mating market dynamics?

Mating market mismatches occur when ancestral norms and modern dynamics conflict. For example, the increase in women's educational and career pursuits has disrupted traditional mate selection criteria. The discussion highlights the frustration and interest in understanding the mating market mismatches that arise in the modern world.

Summary & Key Takeaways

• An article on the declining number of women having children by age 30 prompts a discussion on the mismatch between ancestrally normal behaviors and the modern world.

• The delay in reproduction in modern society, due to factors such as education and career, is a mismatch with the biologically optimal age for reproduction.

• The discussion explores the concept of mismatch in various domains, such as diet and sunlight exposure, but focuses primarily on the mating market and the emotional impact of delayed reproduction.