Why Do Sad Songs Make Us Feel Uplifted?

TL;DR

Sad songs can feel uplifting because they evoke a unique blend of joy and sorrow, often linked to beauty, wonder, and transcendence. Research shows that people listen to sad music significantly more than happy music, suggesting that such art resonates deeply. This sense of longing is a profound aspect of the human experience, connecting us to deeper emotions and shared empathy.

Transcript

When I was in my early 30s, I was an associate at a Wall Street law firm. And I had been working 16-hour days for seven years straight. And even though, ever since I was four years old, I'd had this beautiful and impossible dream of becoming a writer, I was also pretty ambitious and on the verge of making partner. Or so I thought. Because, one day,... Read More

Key Insights

• 💼 Many people sacrifice their dreams and ambitions in pursuit of stability and success in their careers. However, sometimes unexpected events can disrupt these plans and force individuals to reevaluate their priorities and make significant changes in their lives.
• 💔 Often, people become infatuated with individuals who represent something they deeply desire or long for. These obsessions can blind individuals to their true desires and prevent them from pursuing their passions.
• 🎵 Sad music holds a unique power over sensitive individuals, as they often find it uplifting rather than depressing. This paradox challenges the notion that positivity and happiness are the only acceptable emotional states.
• 🌍 Humans are drawn to experiences and art that evoke feelings of sorrow and longing because they provide a glimpse into a more perfect and beautiful world, which seems unattainable in reality. This state of longing drives individuals to pursue moonshots and connect with others on a deeper level.
• 😊 While positivity is essential, it's crucial to acknowledge and embrace the dark aspects of life and our own emotions. Modern culture often pushes a message of constant happiness, but there is value in allowing ourselves to feel sadness and longing.
• 📚 Literature, art, and music have long embraced the theme of longing and homesickness, demonstrating humanity's fascination with these emotions. Longing is often at the heart of religion and spiritual beliefs, as individuals yearn for a connection to a perfect and beautiful world.
• 😢 Our broken hearts and unfulfilled longings unite us as human beings. Despite living in an imperfect world, our longing for something more powerful and magical enables us to empathize with others and seek out shared experiences.
• 🌈 It's essential to follow our longings and desires, as they can lead us to the sacred and wondrous aspects of life. Longing and passion go hand in hand, driving us to care deeply, ease others' pain, and experience the insane beauty of the world.

Questions & Answers

Q: Why can sad songs and rainy days feel uplifting?

Susan Cain believes they can trigger longing, which she describes as joy laced with sorrow. Experiences such as bittersweet music, rainy days, tragic drama, and short-lived cherry blossoms can evoke beauty, wonder, transcendence, and a sense of another, more perfect world.

Q: Why do people listen to sad songs more often than happy songs?

Cain says people play happy songs on their playlists about 175 times on average, compared with 800 times for sad songs. She explains that many listeners, especially sensitive types, associate sad music with beauty, wonder, transcendence, and other sublime emotions.

Q: What is the paradox of tragedy?

The paradox of tragedy asks why people sometimes welcome sorrow even though they naturally try to avoid it at other times. Cain sees our attraction to tragic drama, rainy days, and fleeting cherry blossoms as evidence that people crave longing rather than sadness alone.

Q: What does Susan Cain mean by longing?

Cain describes longing as a joy laced with sorrow, often awakened by something so exquisite that it seems to come from another world. She also cites C.S. Lewis’s phrase, “the inconsolable longing for we know not what,” to characterize this ancient and universal state of mind.

Q: How did longing lead Susan Cain to become a writer?

After seven years of 16-hour workdays at a Wall Street law firm, Cain learned that she would not make partner and left that afternoon. She later recognized that her obsession with a musician represented the writing life she had wanted since age four; once she understood that longing, the obsession faded and she began writing seriously.

Q: Why did Susan Cain leave her law career and relationship?

Cain left her law firm after senior partner Steve Shalen told her she would not make partner. A few weeks later, she ended a seven-year relationship that had always felt wrong, leaving her without a career, love, or a place to live.

Q: What kinds of music express sorrow and longing?

Cain names Spanish flamenco, Portuguese fado, the Irish lament, American country music, and the blues as genres that draw on sorrow. She also notes that cultures around the world often use heartbreaking melodies in lullabies sung to newborns.

Q: How can longing inspire ambition, love, and empathy?

Cain calls longing the deep source of humanity’s moonshots and loves, connecting it both to playing “Moonlight Sonatas” and building rockets to Mars. She argues that recognizing our shared sense of exile and our broken hearts gives us the capacity to empathize with one another.

Summary & Key Takeaways

• The speaker recounts a personal experience of leaving her law firm job and ending a relationship, which led to her realizing her longing to become a writer and pursue the "writing life" she had always dreamed of.

• She explores the concept of the longing for something greater and how it is often associated with sadness and beauty, as evidenced by people's preference for sad music and appreciation of tragic art forms.

• The speaker argues that modern culture tends to avoid and dismiss this longing and emphasizes positivity, but that embracing and following our longings can lead us to a deeper connection with others and a sense of the sacred or wondrous in the world.