How Can You Build Self-Confidence?

TL;DR

You build self-confidence by treating it as a trainable skill, mainly through repetition and positive self-talk rather than any magic button. Dr. Ivan Joseph, a soccer coach, defines self-confidence as the belief you can accomplish any task no matter the odds or adversity, and calls it more important than talent. His goalkeeper caught 350 balls a day for eight months to master it. See how persistence and self-talk make the difference.

Transcript

Transcriber: Jaime Ochoa Reviewer: Elisabeth Buffard In my past life as a soccer coach, once you won a national championship, everyone wants to come play for you. Really not true. Once you paid them $ 25,000 a year in scholarships, everybody wants to come play for you. And parents would always come to me and they'd say: "Okay, my son or my daughte... Read More

Key Insights

• 👻 Self-confidence is the most important skill for success, as it allows individuals to fully utilize their abilities and talents.
• 🥺 Repetition plays a significant role in building self-confidence, as consistent practice leads to mastery and familiarity.
• 🤳 Positive self-talk is a powerful tool in building self-confidence, by replacing negative thoughts with affirmations and reminders of past accomplishments.
• 🤳 Interpreting feedback in a constructive manner helps cultivate self-confidence, by focusing on the positive aspects and using it as an opportunity for growth.
• 🤳 Surrounding oneself with supportive and positive influences can boost self-confidence and help maintain a positive mindset.
• ❓ Believing in oneself is essential because no one else will believe in an individual unless they do.
• 🤳 Self-confidence can be applied in various areas, such as business, relationships, and personal development, to overcome challenges and achieve success.

Questions & Answers

Q: What is the skill of self-confidence, according to Dr. Ivan Joseph?

Dr. Ivan Joseph defines self-confidence as the ability or belief that you can accomplish any task, no matter the odds, the difficulty, or the adversity. He deliberately calls it a skill because he believes it can be trained rather than something you either have or lack. As a soccer coach, he ranks it above talents like speed, vision, or a great left foot.

Q: How do you build self-confidence?

The easiest way is repetition: practicing a skill over and over until it is no longer novel to you. Dr. Joseph also teaches positive self-talk, replacing the negative tape that plays in your head with reminders of your abilities and past accomplishments. There is no magic button; confidence comes from doing something so many times that pressure no longer rattles you.

Q: Why is self-confidence more important than talent or ability?

Dr. Joseph argues that without self-confidence you are useless as a soccer player, because when you lose belief in yourself you are done for. Talents like speed or vision are the last things he looks for when recruiting. It is the belief that you can accomplish the task that lets you push past difficulty, adversity, and doubt.

Q: How did the goalkeeper from Colombia improve his skills?

Dr. Joseph recruited a 6'3" goalie whose hands were so poor he dropped every ball. The simple solution was to kick a ball against the wall and catch it, over and over, with a goal of 350 catches a day for eight months. He came back with calloused hands and now plays in Europe. It was repetition, not magic.

Q: What is more important, repetition or persistence?

Dr. Joseph suggests the real answer may be persistence rather than repetition, because most people bail after the first bit of failure or adversity. He points out that Edison took anywhere from 1,000 to 10,000 tries to build the light bulb, and J.K. Rowling took Harry Potter to 12 or 13 publishers before it was accepted. Everyone repeats, but few truly persist.

Q: How does positive self-talk build confidence?

Everyone has a self-talk tape playing in their head, and it is often negative, like telling yourself you look fat in new pants or that you do not know the answer. Building confidence means catching those negative thoughts and replacing them with affirmations and reminders of what you have accomplished. Changing that internal tape changes how you show up under pressure.

Q: How can practice help you handle high-pressure situations?

Dr. Joseph describes practicing his speech in front of a mirror, then in front of his kids and wife, then a smaller group, each time feeling a bit nervous. By the time he faced 2,500 people, he had done it so many times that he felt no nervousness at all. Practicing over and over removes the novelty, and pressure builds diamonds.

Summary & Key Takeaways

• Self-confidence is a vital skill for success in any field, even more important than specific talents or abilities.

• The skill of self-confidence can be developed through repetition, as seen in the example of a goalkeeper who improved his skills through countless hours of practice.

• Positive self-talk is another way to build self-confidence, by replacing negative thoughts with affirmations that remind oneself of their capabilities and accomplishments.