How Do You Approach a Girl in Public? The Side Approach and 5-Second Rule

TL;DR

Approach her from the side within 5 seconds of deciding, and open by making her comfortable rather than hitting on her directly. Coming from the front makes her raise her wall of resistance before you speak, and coming from behind scares her off. To kill approach anxiety first, ask 10 women a day for the time with no watch and your phone off. The video also explains why nightclubs are the worst starting point and which places work better.

Transcript

this is you and this is a girl you like how do you get her number or contact information that's what we'll learn in today's video and I will give you a perfect technique to approach a girl that guarantees you a yes response every time as we discussed earlier in the series on how to attract women it's important to stay calm in all situations if you'... Read More

Key Insights

• Staying calm before an approach is essential because a relaxed man appears confident, while a nervous one seems less confident, which leads to rejection in social settings.
• The best way to overcome approach anxiety is to take action gradually: approach 10 women each day and simply ask them for the time, without a watch and with your phone off, to build confidence.
• Nightclubs are poor places for beginners due to high competition, defensive attitudes from frequently-approached women, and loud music that makes conversation hard.
• Hobby classes like yoga, salsa dancing, or aerobics are ideal practice grounds because they have many women and few men, giving more chances to practice with little competition.
• The 5-second rule matters: approach within 5 seconds of deciding, because the longer you wait, the more your brain invents excuses and insecurities take over, often ending in no approach at all.
• Direct approaches fail because women are strongly programmed to turn down them down, assuming any man who approaches that way only wants casual sex, and pickup-line users get rejected the most.
• Approaching from the side is best: approaching from the front makes her raise her wall of resistance, and approaching from behind scares her, so walk past and talk over your shoulder.
• The key to a successful approach is making her comfortable in your presence first, because trying too hard signals something fishy and makes her put up a wall of defense.

Questions & Answers

Q: What is the best direction to approach a woman from?

Always approach from the side. Approaching from the front is a mistake because if she sees you charging toward her, she puts up her wall of resistance before you say your first words, and approaching from behind by touching her shoulder or speaking without notice scares her and makes her instantly avoid you. From the side she cannot really see you coming, so she does not raise her defenses. A good way to do it is to walk past her, tilt your head in her direction, and start the conversation with your chest facing the other way.

Q: What is the 5-second rule for approaching a woman?

Once you have picked a target, make your approach within 5 seconds of deciding to do so. The longer you wait, the more likely your brain is to come up with excuses not to, and you can talk yourself out of it while insecurities take over. The more you hesitate, the more nervous you become, and you may end up not approaching at all.

Q: How do you build confidence to approach women if you are shy or nervous?

Take action, but start small instead of jumping into full conversations. Approach 10 women each day and simply ask them for the time, nothing more, with no watch on your wrist and your cell phone turned off. After a few days of this exercise you will notice you feel more at ease. Doing it a few minutes before you plan to talk more also boosts your confidence.

Q: Why do direct approaches and pickup lines usually fail?

Women who go out regularly have thousands of men approaching them, so they are strongly programmed to turn down every approach of that kind. Girls automatically assume any guy who opens that way is only looking for casual sex and nothing else. Guys with a large collection of witty pickup lines are the type who get turned down the most. The video's example is a guy walking straight up and saying "Hi, I am Fred, can I buy you a drink," which gets the "my boyfriend is standing over there" brush-off.

Q: Why should beginners avoid approaching women in nightclubs?

Nightclubs have three main problems: high competition because many other guys are trying to do the same thing, defensive attitudes because the women there are approached frequently and stay on guard, and loud music that makes it hard to hold a conversation. Many guys try to meet women at bars and clubs, get rejected, and then feel discouraged from trying again.

Q: What are the best places to practice approaching women?

Hobby classes such as yoga, salsa dancing, or aerobics are great options because they often have many women and few men, giving you more chances to practice without much competition. Restaurants, coffee shops, public libraries, and malls are also good options. For the ask-for-the-time exercise specifically, use calm spots like parks, malls, or coffee shops rather than a nightclub.

Q: Should you approach a woman who is with a group or one who is alone?

Approaching a woman who is with a group can be harder than approaching someone who is alone, but the video says not to worry too much about that. Just choose someone you would like to talk to and make her your target. The bigger factor is picking a beginner-friendly setting and approaching within 5 seconds.

Q: Why does trying too hard make a woman reject you?

The key to approaching a woman successfully is getting her comfortable in your presence before moving on to anything else. As long as you try too hard to get her, she senses that you are on to something fishy and puts up her wall of defense before you can think of anything to say. It can reach the point where she would do almost anything to get rid of you.

Summary & Key Takeaways

• Confidence is built through action. Start by approaching 10 women daily and just asking the time (no watch, phone off) in calm spots like parks, malls, or coffee shops. This simple exercise eases anxiety within a few days and prepares you to talk more.

• Choose the right places and targets. Beginners should avoid nightclubs because of high competition, defensive women, and loud music. Hobby classes, restaurants, libraries, and malls are better. Once you pick a target, approach within 5 seconds so your brain cannot talk you out of it.

• How you approach and open matters most. Approach from the side, not the front or behind. Avoid direct lines and canned openers; instead get her comfortable using natural, observational openers, guesses, and assumptions, then transition into emotional attraction using the series' techniques.