How To Get Over Your Ex

TL;DR

To get over your ex, cut digital and real-life contact, use negative reappraisal, and rebuild a sense of self through old friends and hobbies. Facebook monitoring was linked to greater longing and decreased personal growth, while repeatedly reconnecting was associated with anxiety and depressive symptoms. Read on to understand which strategies reduce feelings of love and which only improve mood briefly.

Transcript

Almost everyone experiences romantic love in their lifetime and although it comes with happiness, euphoria and increased life satisfaction break-ups are associated with depression mood swings and anxiety. So, are there any scientific strategies for moving past a break-up? How can you get over your ex? The first thing you might wanna do? Stop creepi... Read More

Key Insights

• "Almost everyone experiences romantic love in their lifetime and although it comes with happiness, euphoria and increased life satisfaction break-ups are associated with depression mood swings and anxiety." (0:00)
• "In short, break-ups and social rejection can physically hurt, so overall it's probably best to cut the digital, and real life cord with your old flame if that fails, perhaps a dose of tylenol." (1:23)
• "Negative Reappraisal, decreased love feelings for the ex but caused a short term unpleasant feeling whereas distraction increased pleasantness but did not decrease love feelings." (2:35)
• "Based on this research one researcher suggests writing a list of as many negative qualities about your ex that you can think of at least once a day, until you feel better." (2:58)
• "Psychologists described one of the most important challenges is to regain a sense of self separate from a former partner." (3:07)

Questions & Answers

Q: How can you get over your ex?

Stop monitoring or contacting your ex online and in real life, because continued exposure is associated with greater longing, sadness, and difficulty moving on. Focus on their negative qualities, then reconnect with old friends and hobbies to regain a separate sense of self.

Q: Why should you stop stalking your ex on social media?

Facebook monitoring of a former partner was shown to produce greater sexual desire and longing for the ex. It was also associated with a decreased level of personal growth.

Q: Does staying in contact with an ex make moving on harder?

People who continued seeing an ex after a break-up reported greater sadness and love. These feelings ultimately decreased their ability to move on.

Q: What are the effects of an on-again-off-again relationship?

Among the 30-50% of young adults in on-again-off-again relationships, repeatedly breaking up and reuniting was associated with increased anxiety and depressive symptoms. It was also associated with poorer communication and commitment.

Q: Can a break-up cause physical pain?

Yes. Sensory areas of the brain associated with physical pain became activated when people were shown a picture of an ex, indicating that break-ups and social rejection can physically hurt.

Q: What is negative reappraisal after a break-up?

Negative reappraisal means thinking about a former partner's negative qualities or imagining negative future scenarios with them. In the study described, it decreased feelings of love for the ex but caused a short-term unpleasant feeling.

Q: Does distracting yourself help you get over an ex?

Distraction increased pleasantness in the short term, but it did not decrease feelings of love for the ex. It may briefly boost your mood without helping you get over the relationship in the long term.

Q: How can you regain your sense of self after a break-up?

Psychologists described regaining a sense of self separate from a former partner as one of the most important challenges. Unplugging and reconnecting with old friends and old hobbies may help you heal and move on.

Summary & Key Takeaways

• Break-ups can lead to depression, anxiety, and mood swings, but there are scientific strategies to help you move on.

• Stalking an ex on social media or maintaining contact with them can hinder your ability to move on.

• On-again-off-again relationships are associated with increased anxiety and depressive symptoms.