How to Give and Receive Better Workplace Feedback

TL;DR

Effective workplace guidance combines sincere praise about what to repeat with direct criticism about what to fix, while addressing observable behavior instead of attacking personality. To receive guidance well, ask a comfortable recurring question, tolerate the resulting discomfort, listen to understand rather than rebut, and reward candor by acting on useful criticism or respectfully acknowledging it.

Transcript

Hi, everyone. Welcome to the A16Z podcast. I am Sonal. We're here today with Kim Malone Scott, the co-founder and CEO of Candor Inc. Before that, she was a CEO coach for several companies. She also previously led AdSense, YouTube, and DoubleClick online sales and operations at Google, and she was a member of the faculty at Apple University. But Kim... Read More

Key Insights

• Guidance is a combination of praise and criticism that people solicit, give, and encourage among colleagues. Calling it guidance can reduce the instinct to resist because the term emphasizes useful direction rather than judgment.
• The purpose of praise is to identify what someone should do more often, while the purpose of criticism is to identify what the person should fix. Both forms should help improve future behavior rather than merely evaluate past performance.
• Effective criticism addresses observable behavior rather than condemning personality. Telling someone that a specific pattern creates a negative impression gives them something changeable, while labeling the person as inherently negative is more likely to discourage them.
• Direct language can be compassionate when softer guidance has been dismissed. Sheryl Sandberg became more explicit about Kim Scott's repeated use of "um" only after Scott brushed off the concern and an offer of speech coaching.
• Positive examples can reveal a practical path to behavioral change. When Scott focused on what a colleague did well, she discovered that his apparent negativity came from enjoying difficult problems, even though his excitement discouraged other people in the room.
• Soliciting useful criticism requires a question that feels natural enough to ask regularly. Scott's example asks whether there is anything she could do or stop doing that would make it easier for the other person to work with her.
• Receiving criticism requires listening with the intent to understand rather than respond. Criticizing the criticism or immediately cross-examining the person can undermine the candor that the recipient deliberately requested.
• Rewarding candor shows people that honest guidance is worthwhile. When feedback is valid, the recipient can fix the problem or describe the steps being taken, while disagreement still requires recognizing the difficulty and value of speaking honestly.

Questions & Answers

Q: How should managers give effective workplace feedback?

Managers should treat feedback as guidance that includes both praise and criticism. Praise should clarify what an employee is doing well and should repeat, while criticism should identify a behavior that can be changed. The manager should avoid attacking personality, pay attention to how the employee responds, and become more direct when an important message is being dismissed.

Q: What is the difference between criticizing behavior and personality?

Criticizing personality assigns a broad identity, such as telling someone that they are negative, and can leave the recipient discouraged without a clear path forward. Criticizing behavior identifies specific actions or patterns that affect others. This distinction matters because behavior can be examined, practiced differently, and connected to positive examples of what the person should do more often.

Q: Why is praise important when giving workplace guidance?

Praise tells people what they are doing effectively and what they should continue doing more often. It can also reveal the constructive motive behind behavior that is creating an unintended negative impression. In Scott's example, focusing on successful moments helped show that a colleague sounded negative because challenging difficult problems excited him, although that excitement discouraged others.

Q: How can employees ask colleagues for honest criticism?

Employees should prepare a question that feels comfortable enough to use naturally and repeatedly. Scott offers: "Is there anything I could do or stop doing that would make it easier to work with me?" The wording focuses on improving the working relationship and makes it difficult to dismiss the request without considering whether a useful change could be suggested.

Q: When is a good time to ask for workplace feedback?

One useful moment is when another person is angry, because that person may be more willing to reveal what they truly think. Another approach is to let an employee finish every agenda item and then ask the prepared question. After asking, the recipient should not rush to eliminate the awkwardness, because embracing discomfort can create room for an honest answer.

Q: How should someone respond emotionally to criticism?

An emotional reaction to criticism is normal because people care about their work and spend substantial time with colleagues. Telling someone not to take criticism personally ignores that reality. The productive response is not to deny the emotion, but to tolerate it long enough to listen, understand what the other person means, and decide what action the guidance supports.

Q: Should you ask for specific examples after receiving criticism?

The recipient should avoid immediately cross-examining the person who offered criticism. Instead, Scott suggests proposing a possible example personally and asking whether it illustrates the concern. If told that interruptions are a problem, for instance, the recipient might recall entering a meeting late and launching into a story. This approach supports understanding without making the giver defend the feedback.

Q: How do you reward candor after receiving feedback?

When the recipient agrees with criticism, rewarding candor can mean fixing the problem and telling the person it was fixed. If improvement will take time, the recipient can explain the steps being taken. This follow-through demonstrates that speaking honestly had value. When the recipient disagrees, the conversation is harder, but the act of offering candid guidance should still be recognized.

Summary & Key Takeaways

• Kim Scott frames feedback as guidance because guidance is something people seek, while the word feedback can provoke resistance. Guidance includes praise and criticism that people solicit, provide, and encourage among colleagues. Praise identifies behavior worth repeating, while criticism identifies a problem that the recipient can work to fix.

• Radical candor avoids choosing between harsh aggression and excessive empathy. Effective criticism can be unusually direct when a person is dismissing an important issue, as Scott experienced when Sheryl Sandberg confronted her verbal tic. The direct wording worked because it broke through resistance and led Scott to accept professional speech coaching.

• Receiving criticism is an active skill. Scott recommends preparing a natural question, asking even when the conversation feels awkward, listening to understand instead of immediately responding, and rewarding honesty. Emotional reactions are normal because work matters personally, but recipients can still examine examples, identify possible changes, and demonstrate that candid guidance is welcome.