The Science of Love, with Dr. Helen Fisher | Big Think

TL;DR

Slow love allows for deeper understanding and compatibility, leading to happier marriages and relationships.

Transcript

We all want to have a good stable relationship with somebody and one of the problems with early stage intense feelings of romantic love is that it’s part of the oldest parts of the brain that become activated. Brain regions linked with drive, with craving, with obsession, with motivation. And in fact some cognitive regions up I the prefrontal corte... Read More

Key Insights

• 🥰 Early stage intense feelings of romantic love can cloud judgment and hinder decision-making.
• 😨 Getting to know a potential partner before marriage can reduce the fear of divorce and help build more compatible and stable relationships.
• 🥰 Slow love, characterized by activities like friends with benefits and living together, allows individuals to gather important information about a potential partner's compatibility.
• 🥰 The brain can sustain intense feelings of romantic love for up to two years, providing an optimal timeframe to assess compatibility.
• 😀 Sustaining the three basic brain systems for mating and reproduction (sex drive, romantic love, and attachment) is crucial for a happy and long-lasting relationship.
• 🥰 Novelty plays a vital role in sustaining intense romantic love by driving up the dopamine system.
• 🏛️ Staying in touch, both physically and emotionally, helps build deep attachment and empathy.

Questions & Answers

Q: How do intense feelings of romantic love affect decision-making?

Intense romantic love can activate older parts of the brain associated with craving and obsession, leading to poor decision-making and the inability to see potential challenges in a relationship.

Q: Is it beneficial to spend more time getting to know a potential partner before marriage?

Yes, spending a considerable amount of time with a potential partner allows the intense feelings of romantic love to subside, enabling individuals to truly understand the compatibility and potential challenges in a relationship.

Q: Why are many people hesitant to get married?

A significant number of people are afraid of divorce, not only due to the legal and financial consequences but also the personal and social fallout. The fear of divorce often motivates individuals to take more time to learn about a potential partner before committing.

Q: What are the benefits of slow love?

Slow love allows individuals to gather information about a potential partner's ability to handle various situations such as holiday gatherings, arguments, and personal health. It promotes compatibility and helps build a long-term, stable relationship.

Summary & Key Takeaways

• Early stage intense feelings of romantic love can hinder decision making and lead to impractical relationships.

• Spending more time getting to know a potential partner before marriage can help identify compatibility and reduce the fear of divorce.

• The concept of slow love, through activities like one night stands, friends with benefits, and living together, allows individuals to learn about a potential partner before committing.