"But now, psych experts are poking holes in that theory, noting that while elevating your self-esteem can certainly be a pathway to more confidence, it has its pitfalls."

"On the long list of wants in life—to be healthy, happy, fulfilled—feeling really, truly good about yourself likely takes a top spot for many people."

"Self-esteem is tied to external validation, like compliments at work or likes on an IG post, so it’s fragile, says Christopher Germer, PhD"

"When you get down on yourself, you wind up doubting yourself, which makes it harder to take risks, learn, and grow. You become afraid of failure, and you’re more likely to give up than to try again."

"An alternate way to a more assertive you: self-compassion, which involves showing yourself kindness when you’re struggling, failing, or noticing something you don’t love about yourself."

"Self-compassion isn’t about measuring up to expectations; it’s a way of relating to yourself as a human. By caring and expressing concern for yourself during hard times, you’re able to persevere and create changes."

"“Self-compassion gives you a stable source of self-competence, as opposed to a ‘sugar high,’” Neff says."

"We tend to think of self-compassion as passive, even unproductive (“If I’m easy on myself, I’ll become complacent”)."

"There are two sides to self-compassion, Neff says. The tender side embodies the idea that although you are innately flawed, you are still worthy."

"And the fierce side says if you truly care about yourself, you accept yourself but don’t accept all of your behaviors, especially harmful ones."

"Part of caring for yourself means taking active steps to change,” says Neff. That’s where the power of self-compassion comes in."

"We tend to be waaay nicer to others than we are to ourselves—and we’re quick to judge our shortcomings and failures."

"1. Ask Yourself: What Do I Need?"

"2. Put a Hand on Your Heart"

"This self-touch lowers cortisol levels, according to German research."

"Also, when you rub your chest, specifically, you may activate your vagus nerve, the main nerve of your parasympathetic (or “rest and digest”) system, Germer says."

"3. Figure Out When You Just *Don’t* Have It in You"

"Notice the Negativity"

"Focus on the mistakes or flaws that have been bothering you lately, then find where the emotions about them tend to end up in your body, like a tightness in your jaw or tension in your shoulders."

"Make a Wish"

"Germer favors the use of wishes over positive self-statements (like “I’m getting stronger!”). Wishes, such as “May I accept every part of me,” are like “surrounding yourself with sacred company rather than the nasty chatter in our own minds,” he says. Plus, they encourage growth."

"Replace the Word Should"