Perfectionism: Why and How to Beat It

Perfectionism: Why and How to Beat It

Perfectionism is a common trait that many individuals possess. It is often associated with the desire to do great work and achieve high standards. However, perfectionism becomes problematic when it leads to rigid adherence to these standards and unrealistic goals. The rigidity associated with perfectionism can result in burnout, neglect of other responsibilities, and overall feelings of misery. To overcome perfectionism, it is important to understand the purpose of your rules, recognize when they are helpful or harmful, and be flexible in applying them.

In the behavioral psychology community, there are two types of rule following: tracking and pliance. Tracking refers to following a rule because it has been reinforced by positive outcomes in the past. Pliance, on the other hand, involves following a rule because of perceived social expectations. Perfectionism, when applied to oneself, is often seen as doing a great job. However, when it is observed in others, it is labeled as perfectionism. The issue with perfectionism lies in the rigidity of the standards and the inflexibility in achieving them.

The antidote to perfectionism is not getting rid of your rules entirely, but rather understanding their purpose and being able to assess when they are helpful or detrimental. Often, individuals become so attached to the rules that they become blind to situations where they do not work. Psychologists refer to this as rule-governed behavior. Instead, what we need to focus on is contingency-shaped behavior, which involves learning from our experiences and adapting our behavior accordingly. By allowing our experiences to teach us, we can lead a more effective life.

To begin shifting away from perfectionism, it is essential to understand your values. Values are the directions you want your life to go in and the qualities you want to embody throughout your journey. They serve as guideposts when faced with challenging circumstances and can help counteract the grip of perfectionism. Unlike goals, which have an end date and often leave individuals feeling lost afterward, values provide ongoing motivation and purpose. Studies have shown that individuals are more likely to approach difficult situations if they are aligned with their personal values.

The thoughts and ideas associated with perfectionism can actually be a gift. They provide insight into what is most important to you. However, it is crucial to differentiate between rules you follow because you think you "should" and rules you follow because you genuinely desire the results they bring. Socially expected standards of behavior should not dictate your actions. Instead, focus on intrinsic motivation and following rules that align with your values.

Developing awareness is a powerful tool in overcoming perfectionism. It allows you to gain some distance from the thoughts and feelings that contribute to perfectionistic tendencies. This process, known as defusion, frees you to choose how to behave and provides the opportunity to return to your values. Embracing variability in behavior is beneficial as it allows for growth and learning. By being open to new experiences and approaches, you expand your horizons and gain valuable insights.

In conclusion, perfectionism can be overcome by understanding the purpose of your rules, recognizing when they are helpful or harmful, and being flexible in their application. Values play a crucial role in guiding your actions and providing ongoing motivation. Developing awareness and defusing from perfectionistic thoughts allows for greater freedom in choosing how to behave. Embracing variability in behavior fosters growth and learning. By implementing these actionable steps, you can beat perfectionism and lead a more fulfilling and balanced life.