Perfectionism: Why and How to Beat It

Perfectionism: Why and How to Beat It
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Perfectionism is a common trait that many individuals possess. It is the desire to do great work and achieve high standards. However, perfectionism becomes problematic when it is accompanied by rigidity and an unrealistic pursuit of impossible goals. This article aims to explore the concept of perfectionism, its negative effects, and provide actionable advice on how to beat it.

In the behavioral psychology community, there are two types of rule following: tracking and pliance. Tracking refers to following a rule that has been reinforced by positive outcomes in the past. Pliance, on the other hand, involves following a rule because of the expectation of others. Perfectionism, when applied to oneself, is often seen as simply doing a great job. However, when it is observed in others, it is labeled as perfectionism. The issue lies in the rigidity that accompanies perfectionism, where individuals become inflexible about what constitutes good work and how it should be accomplished.

The antidote to perfectionism does not involve getting rid of rules altogether. Instead, it requires understanding the purpose of these rules, recognizing situations where they are helpful versus harmful, and having the flexibility to follow them when necessary and disregard them when they are not. Many times, we become so attached to the rules that have been reinforced in the past that we fail to see when they no longer serve us. This is known as rule-governed behavior. Instead, we should strive for contingency-shaped behavior, where we let our experiences teach us and guide our actions.

To overcome perfectionism, it is crucial to first understand what we truly want. Values play a vital role in this process as they represent the directions we want our lives to go in and the qualities we want to embody along the way. Unlike goals, which have an end date and can leave us feeling lost and rudderless once achieved, values provide a guiding force that remains constant. Research has shown that individuals are more likely to approach difficult or painful circumstances if they relate directly to personal values. Therefore, identifying and aligning with our values can help combat perfectionism.

Perfectionistic thoughts and ideas can actually be seen as a gift, as they point us towards what truly matters to us. However, it is important to differentiate between rules that we follow because we think we "should" in order to conform to societal expectations, and rules that we follow because we genuinely desire the outcomes they bring. Awareness is a powerful tool in this process as it allows us to gain distance from our thoughts and feelings. This is known as defusion, and it gives us the freedom to choose how to behave.