Perfectionism: Why and How to Beat It

Perfectionism: Why and How to Beat It

In the behavioral psychology community, there are two types of rule following: tracking and pliance. Tracking refers to finding a rule that has been reinforced by positive outcomes when followed in the past. Pliance, on the other hand, is following a rule because of the expectation of others. When we apply this concept to ourselves, we often view it as doing a great job. However, when others exhibit the same behavior, it is labeled as perfectionism. The issue with perfectionism lies in the rigid adherence to excessively high standards, causing individuals to hyperfocus on achieving impossible goals and ultimately leading to burnout, neglect of other responsibilities, avoidance of goals, and constant feelings of misery.

To overcome perfectionism, it is not about abandoning all rules but rather understanding the purpose behind them. Recognizing when rules are helpful versus when they are detrimental is crucial. This ability to be flexible allows for following rules when they serve a purpose and disregarding them when they do not. Sometimes, we become so attached to a rule that we fail to acknowledge situations where it no longer applies. Psychologists refer to this as rule-governed behavior. Instead, what we should aim for is contingency-shaped behavior, where we allow our experiences to teach us and guide our actions.

To start implementing this approach, it is essential to understand our values. Values represent the directions we want our lives to take and the qualities we seek in our journey. These values act as guideposts during challenging times when perfectionism takes hold. Unlike goals, which have an end date and can leave us feeling lost once achieved, values provide intrinsic motivation and remain accessible at all times. Research shows that individuals are more likely to confront difficult or painful circumstances if they align with their personal values. Therefore, identifying and embracing our values can help us navigate perfectionism.

The thoughts and ideas that drive us mad with perfectionism can actually be a gift. They reveal what truly matters to us. However, it is crucial to differentiate between rules followed to conform to societal expectations and rules followed because we genuinely desire the outcomes associated with them. Developing awareness allows us to make this distinction consistently and grants us the freedom to detach from our thoughts and emotions. This psychological concept is known as defusion. By defusing from our thoughts, we can regain the ability to choose our behavior and reconnect with our values.

Following our values promotes variability in behavior, which is beneficial. It allows us to learn new things and grow. Perfectionism often stifles creativity and prevents individuals from exploring different approaches. By embracing variability, we open ourselves up to new experiences and opportunities for growth.

In conclusion, perfectionism can be a hindrance to our well-being and success. By understanding the purpose behind our rules, identifying our values, and practicing awareness and defusion, we can overcome the rigid standards that perfectionism imposes. Embracing variability in behavior and staying true to our values allows us to lead fulfilling lives while pursuing excellence. Here are three actionable pieces of advice to help you beat perfectionism:

1. Reflect on your rules: Take the time to evaluate the rules you follow and determine whether they align with your intrinsic desires or if they are driven by societal expectations. Let go of rules that do not serve your personal growth or well-being.

2. Identify your values: Explore what truly matters to you and define your values. Use these values as guideposts during challenging times and make decisions that align with them. Embrace the idea that following your values can lead to greater fulfillment and success.

3. Practice awareness and defusion: Develop the ability to observe your thoughts and emotions without becoming overly attached to them. This allows you to regain the freedom to choose how you behave and reconnect with your values. With consistent practice, you can defuse from perfectionistic thoughts and embrace variability in behavior.