Perfectionism: Why and How to Beat It and Build Personal Moats

Perfectionism: Why and How to Beat It and Build Personal Moats

In the world of behavioral psychology, there are two types of rule following: tracking and pliance. Tracking refers to finding a rule and following it based on positive outcomes. Pliance, on the other hand, involves following a rule because of societal expectations. When it comes to ourselves, we often view our pursuit of perfection as simply doing a great job. However, when others exhibit the same behavior, it is labeled as perfectionism. The issue lies in the rigid adherence to high standards and the inflexibility surrounding them. Perfectionism occurs when excessively high standards intersect with rigid adherence to those standards. The problem is not the desire to achieve greatness, but rather the rigidity that comes with it. This rigidity leads to hyperfocus on unattainable goals, burnout, neglect of other responsibilities, avoidance of goals, and a constant feeling of dissatisfaction, even when objectively doing well. The key to overcoming perfectionism is not to eliminate rules, but rather to understand their purpose, recognize when they are helpful or harmful, and be flexible enough to follow or disregard them accordingly. It is important to identify situations where a rule is actually effective and when it is not. This is called contingency-shaped behavior, which allows us to learn from experience and make informed decisions about our actions. By understanding our values, we can establish the direction we want our lives to take and the qualities we want to embody along the way. Values serve as guideposts in challenging circumstances, helping us navigate through the grip of perfectionism. Unlike goals, which have an end date and often leave us feeling lost afterward, values provide intrinsic motivation and remain accessible at all times. Research has shown that individuals are more likely to tackle difficult situations if they align with their personal values. Perfectionistic thoughts and ideas that drive us mad can actually be a gift, as they point to what truly matters to us. However, it is important to differentiate between rules we follow because we think we "should" and rules we follow because we genuinely desire the outcomes they yield. Awareness is a powerful tool that allows us to gain distance from our thoughts and emotions, a concept known as defusion. Once we have defused from our thoughts, we can make conscious choices based on our values. Following our values leads to variability in behavior, which is beneficial for learning and growth.

Moving on to the concept of building personal moats, the question of whether to specialize or generalize arises. While both approaches can be effective, it is crucial to excel in something. Personal moats are unique and accumulating competitive advantages in the context of our careers. They change over time as conditions evolve. To determine our personal moats, we can ask others what comes easy to us but is challenging for them. Additionally, we should identify what is difficult to reverse engineer and relies on rare and valuable skills. Our personal moats should be based on our talents and interests, easily describable and shareable, and evoke a desire in others to engage with us. Ikigai, the intersection of what we love, what we're good at, and what the world needs, offers a litmus test for identifying our personal moats. If there are step-by-step instructions readily available or if many people have already achieved something, it is unlikely to be a durable or unique personal moat. We can build our moats by focusing on emerging fields, leveraging exclusive relationships, or pursuing areas that are impressive and valuable but lack a standardized approach. It is essential to have expertise in at least one area and apply that lens or skill to other domains.

In conclusion, to overcome perfectionism, we must understand and adapt our rules based on their effectiveness, while aligning our actions with our values. Building personal moats involves identifying our unique strengths, excelling in one area, and leveraging that expertise to accumulate social and financial capital. By following these steps, we can overcome perfectionism and create a competitive advantage in our careers.

Actionable Advice:

1. Reflect on your rules and determine whether they are helping or hindering your progress. Be flexible and willing to adapt when necessary.
2. Identify your core values and let them guide your decision-making process. This will provide intrinsic motivation and a sense of purpose.
3. Discover what comes naturally to you but is challenging for others. Cultivate and refine those skills to build a personal moat that sets you apart in your career.