Perfectionism and the Self-Destructive Nature of Humans: How to Overcome and Thrive

Perfectionism and the Self-Destructive Nature of Humans: How to Overcome and Thrive

Perfectionism is a trait that many individuals strive for, believing that it will lead them to success and recognition. However, in the world of behavioral psychology, it is seen as a form of rigidity and excessive adherence to high standards. The problem lies not in the desire to do great work, but rather in the inflexibility and unrealistic expectations that perfectionists impose upon themselves. This article aims to explore the reasons behind perfectionism and provide actionable advice on how to overcome it.

At its core, perfectionism is a combination of excessively high standards and rigid adherence to those standards. The rigidity creates a dichotomy of all or nothing, causing individuals to hyperfocus on achieving their impossible goals. This can lead to burnout, neglect of other responsibilities, avoidance of goals altogether, and a constant feeling of dissatisfaction even when objectively doing well. To combat perfectionism, it is crucial to understand that the antidote is not to eliminate rules but to recognize when they are helpful or detrimental.

Understanding the purpose of one's rules and being flexible enough to follow them when appropriate is key. Often, individuals become so attached to rules that have been reinforced by positive outcomes or social pressure that they fail to see when they no longer serve them. Psychologists refer to this as rule-governed behavior. Instead, adopting a mindset of contingency-shaped behavior, which allows experiences to teach and guide oneself, is a more effective approach to navigating life.

To begin this journey, it is essential to identify one's values. Values are the directions and qualities individuals desire their lives to embody. They act as guideposts during challenging circumstances and counteract the aimlessness that can follow the achievement of goals. Unlike goals, which have an end date, values provide intrinsic motivation and remain relevant throughout one's life. Research has shown that individuals are more likely to face difficult or painful circumstances when they align with their personal values.

Perfectionistic thoughts and ideas that often plague individuals can actually serve as indicators of what is truly important to them. However, it is crucial to differentiate between rules followed to conform to societal expectations and rules followed because they align with personal desires. Being aware of this distinction empowers individuals to develop the skill of defusion, which allows them to detach from their thoughts and emotions. Once defused, individuals can choose their behavior and refocus on their values.