The Power of Belonging: How Community and Connection Shape Our Minds and Keep Customers Coming Back to Restaurants


Hatched by Glasp

Aug 27, 2023

4 min read


The Power of Belonging: How Community and Connection Shape Our Minds and Keep Customers Coming Back to Restaurants


In our quest for truth and accuracy, it is often surprising how facts alone fail to change our minds. As Harvard psychologist Steven Pinker suggests, our beliefs are not solely driven by the pursuit of truth, but also by our desire to belong and gain social approval. This innate need to fit in and bond with others has deep evolutionary roots, as our ancestors relied on tribes for survival. In this article, we will explore the connection between our desire to belong, the resistance to changing our beliefs, and how this phenomenon manifests in both our personal lives and the world of restaurants.

The Power of Belonging:

When it comes to changing someone's mind, it is not enough to present them with facts. Convincing someone to alter their beliefs often requires convincing them to change their tribe. This is because abandoning one's beliefs can risk losing social ties, which can be perceived as a form of social death. As social creatures, we naturally seek acceptance and approval from our peers, and this desire influences our decision-making process. Therefore, to foster a change in belief, it is essential to provide individuals with an alternative tribe or community that aligns with their evolving perspectives.

Creating a Safe Space for Open-Mindedness:

To challenge deeply ingrained beliefs, it is crucial to provide a psychologically safe environment that encourages open-mindedness. Books, for instance, offer a non-threatening platform for transformative conversations to occur within one's own mind. By engaging with different ideas in a solitary setting, individuals can explore alternative perspectives without fear of judgment or defensive responses. This underscores the importance of fostering an atmosphere that values diverse opinions and allows for the free exchange of ideas.

The Power of Sharing:

Silence is the enemy of progress. Ideas that remain unspoken or unshared are destined to fade away. Sharing ideas not only helps them gain traction but also ensures their survival. Clear's Law of Recurrence highlights that the more an idea is repeated, the more people will believe in it—even if it is false. Therefore, instead of wasting time dismantling bad ideas, it is more productive to champion good ideas and actively share them. By focusing on the promotion of positive concepts, we can foster an environment of growth and continuous learning.

The Role of Kindness in Changing Minds:

When attempting to change someone's mind, it is crucial to approach the conversation with kindness. Arguing solely to win often hinders the possibility of true understanding and growth. By treating others with kindness, we create a familial bond, fostering a sense of trust and openness. This paves the way for genuine conversations that can challenge preconceived notions without causing the other person to feel attacked or defensive. Developing friendships, sharing meals, and gifting books are all gestures that can help bridge divides and promote empathy.

Restaurant Regulars and the Power of Community:

The desire to belong extends beyond belief systems; it also influences our behavior as consumers. Restaurant regulars exemplify the power of community, routine, and personalization in fostering loyalty. Studies have shown that improving customer loyalty by just 5% can significantly boost profits. Regular customers often value routine, seeking familiarity and consistency in their dining experiences. They appreciate being recognized and remembered, which enhances their sense of belonging within the restaurant community.

Types of Restaurant Regulars:

Restaurant regulars can be categorized into two main groups: everyday regulars and special occasion patrons. Everyday regulars prioritize routine, often frequenting the same establishment, ordering the same dishes, and enjoying their preferred spot. On the other hand, special occasion patrons visit less frequently but are willing to spend more and bring along friends for celebratory events.

Why People Become Restaurant Regulars:

People become restaurant regulars because these establishments offer more than just food. Restaurants become a part of their community, providing a sense of place and connection. By cultivating an environment where patrons feel welcomed and valued, restaurants can foster a loyal customer base that continues to support their business.

Actionable Advice:

  • 1. Foster a sense of community: Create an atmosphere that encourages customers to feel like part of a larger community. Engage with them on a personal level, remember their preferences, and make them feel valued.
  • 2. Embrace routine and personalization: Regulars often seek consistency and familiarity. By offering personalized experiences and acknowledging their preferences, restaurants can cultivate loyalty among their customers.
  • 3. Celebrate special occasions: While everyday regulars are essential, special occasion patrons can also bring significant revenue. Cater to their needs by offering special menus or hosting events that make their celebrations memorable.


Our beliefs and behaviors are deeply influenced by our innate desire to belong. This need for social acceptance often trumps the pursuit of truth, making it challenging to change someone's mind through facts alone. By recognizing the power of community, routine, and personalization, both in our personal lives and within the context of restaurants, we can foster belonging, loyalty, and open-mindedness. By creating safe spaces for transformative conversations, valuing the power of sharing, and approaching discussions with kindness, we can bridge divides and promote growth, both individually and as a society.

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