Be Your Future Self Now: The Science of Intentional Transformation

Research now shows that a person’s past does not drive or dictate their actions and behaviors. Rather, we are pulled forward by our future.25

Highlighted by 5 people

All goals or motivations fit within two categories: approach or avoid.29,30 The reason for doing anything is either to approach something you want to happen, or to avoid something you don’t want to happen. As a rule, 80 percent of people are primarily driven by fear or avoidance, while 20 percent of people are driven by approach and courage.

Highlighted by 4 people

According to renowned trauma expert Dr. Peter Levine, “Trauma is not what happens to us, but what we hold inside in the absence of an empathetic witness.”17

Highlighted by 4 people

Decisions and actions are best when reverse-engineered from a desired outcome. Start with what you want and work backward. Think and act from your goal, rather than toward your goal.

Highlighted by 4 people

Psychologists call this unique human ability prospection; as people, everything we do is driven by our prospects of the future.27 Prospection is based on a teleological view of the world, which views all human action and behavior as driven by goals—whether short term or long term.28 From this view, every human action has a purpose. Another word for purpose is goal. All human-action is goal-driven, even if the goal of the behavior isn’t consciously considered by the individual. Take for example, walking to the refrigerator to get food. That behavior is driven by the goal of satisfying hunger, a distraction, or indulgence. Whatever the goal, that purpose is the driver behind walking to the fridge.

Highlighted by 3 people

To be a high-hope person, you commit to the goal, not the process. You don’t get stuck in your current way of doing and thinking. Patiently, persistently you adapt and find new and better ways to get where you want to go. As Frankl knew, hope is rooted in a clear purpose for your future. A high-hope person, like Frankl himself, remains committed 100 percent to a pursuit, and 100 percent flexible around the path to achieve their goal. In the absence of a clear purpose for your life, your critical thinking to find ways deteriorates into finding excuses. After all, without hope, nothing really matters anyway. The first and most fundamental threat to your Future Self is not having hope in your future. Without hope, the present loses meaning. Without hope, you don’t have clear goals or a sense of purpose for your life. Without hope, there is no way. Without hope, you decay.

Highlighted by 3 people

How we handle pain and confusion largely dictates who our Future Self becomes. If you allow the pain of life to swallow you, then your primary goals become to numb yourself through addictions and distractions because you’re unwilling to face and transform those emotions.

Highlighted by 3 people

The gain happens when you transform every experience into personal growth. No matter what occurs, frame the experience as a gain. Proactively and consciously learn from your experiences, and become better, not bitter, as a result. When you go through something terrible, and you frame the experience in the gain, then life is happening for you. Rather than being the byproduct of your experiences, your experiences are the byproduct of your conscious choosing. You determine what your experiences mean. You own your experiences; they don’t own you. Rather than devaluing your experiences because they were painful, you increase their value by learning more and more from them. You also have gratitude for your experiences. In the gain about your past, your Future Self continually grows bigger and better as a result of every experience you have. When you’re in the gain, you are more informed than your former self. You have greater perspective, purpose, and empathy. Your Future Self is better equipped because of your past.

Highlighted by 3 people · 1 left notes

We don’t like to admit this, but our performance and results are often based on the expectations of those around us. Psychologists call this the Pygmalion effect.25 If you’re around people who have low expectations for you, you’ll fall to those standards. If you’re around people with high expectations, you’ll rise to those standards. We are all driven by our goals. But how often are goals unconsciously fed to us by our environment? Is it any wonder that my brother-in-law, with seven dentists on his mother’s side, became a dentist? Can we fault the woman surrounded by drugs as a child, who turns to drugs for respite from her pain? The more mature you become, the more proactive and conscious are the goals you choose for yourself. The less mature you remain, the more reactive and unconscious are the goals you pursue.

Highlighted by 3 people

Performance psychologist Dr. Marshall Goldsmith explained in his book Triggers, “If we do not create and control our environment, our environment creates and controls us.”32

Highlighted by 3 people