The Secrets About People: Understanding Mimetic Desire and Conflict

The Secrets About People: Understanding Mimetic Desire and Conflict

In the world of psychology and sociology, the concept of mimetic desire plays a significant role in shaping our behaviors and desires. René Girard, a renowned theorist, introduced this idea, suggesting that our desires are not solely based on personal preferences but are heavily influenced by the models or mediators we observe.

According to Girard, when we watch others, we don't just acquire a desire for the objects they possess; instead, we strive to become like them. Advertisers have long understood this principle and use it to their advantage. Rather than convincing us to want a specific product, they focus on associating that product with a desired peer group. It's why Abercrombie can advertise clothes without actually showing them being worn. The clothes themselves are not the point; it's the desire to be part of a certain group.

Marcel Proust's novel, A La Recherche du Temps Perdu, explores this phenomenon further. Proust's character embarks on a quest to rediscover his initial impressions of experiences before they became colored by the opinions of others. Mimetic desire often leads to self-deception as we reshape our perceptions, experiences, and identities to align with our desired models. Rediscovering our true selves requires humility and the acceptance that we may not actually be like our role models.

Narcissists, on the other hand, have themselves as their role models. They strive to be an idealistic version of themselves, which often leads to unhappiness. The harder they try, the less they succeed. Status, as with many things, is zero-sum in nature. Models and their admirers eventually become rivals due to mutual desire. We admire them for inspiring us, but we also resent them for becoming obstacles to our desires.

Girard emphasizes the importance of distance between the subject and the model. External mediators, such as heroic figures or historical figures, are too far away to become obstacles. They can serve as positive role models without triggering intense competition. Internal mediators, however, are closer to us, such as coworkers, neighbors, or family members. As we strive to become like them, our relationship changes, and they become our competitors and rivals.

This close proximity to our models intensifies our feelings of admiration and jealousy. We desperately hide our admiration and gradually develop envy. In our attempts to disguise our feelings, we may even go to great lengths to attack or sabotage our models. This dynamic often leads to symmetric hostility, where both parties experience similar emotions towards each other.

To prevent mimetic conflict, Girard suggests maintaining distance and differentiation between the subject and the model. Differentiated relationships based on rank or other factors are safer than undifferentiated relationships with peers. The more homogenous a group is, the more likely mimetic conflict becomes. However, homogeneity also brings advantages in terms of group cohesion and accomplishment.

In situations where mimetic conflict escalates and de-escalation is not an option, communities often resort to scapegoating. By collectively blaming a scapegoat for the violence and conflict, communities can temporarily resolve the issue. This process, although cruel, allows them to come together and end the fighting.

Interestingly, Girard's theories align with the experiences of Todd Combs, an investor. Combs emphasizes the importance of both quantitative and qualitative analysis in investing. While valuing a security can be relatively easy, the qualitative aspect is where the unique insights and "secret sauce" lie. Like a chef, each investor brings their own approach and perspective to the analysis.

Combs also highlights the significance of starting with facts rather than narratives. Anchoring oneself to preconceived notions can hinder objective analysis. By valuing an entire business without prior knowledge of its market value, Combs avoids the anchoring effect and allows for a more unbiased evaluation.

Furthermore, Combs expresses gratitude for the individuals who have supported and mentored him throughout his career. He acknowledges that his success is not solely due to his efforts but also the contributions of others. This sentiment aligns with Girard's belief that we are standing on the shoulders of those who have guided and influenced us.

In conclusion, understanding mimetic desire and conflict provides valuable insights into human behavior and relationships. By recognizing the influence of models in shaping our desires, we can navigate these dynamics more consciously. Maintaining distance and differentiation between ourselves and our models can help prevent intense competition and conflict. Additionally, embracing humility and authenticity allows us to rediscover our true selves and enjoy things as they are.

Three actionable advice based on these insights are:

1. Reflect on the models or mediators that influence your desires and consider whether their influence aligns with your authentic self.
2. Be mindful of envy and jealousy towards others, especially those close to you. Practice gratitude and celebrate their achievements instead of succumbing to negative emotions.
3. Foster differentiated relationships by seeking out diverse perspectives and engaging with individuals outside of your immediate peer group. This can help mitigate mimetic conflict and create a more harmonious environment.

By incorporating these ideas into our lives, we can navigate the complexities of mimetic desire and conflict with greater understanding and consciousness.