In our modern society, it's no secret that humans have a fear of being left out. This fear stems from our biological survival technique, which is deeply ingrained in our DNA. Our ancestors, who lived in small communities, relied on the safety and support of others to survive. If they were left out, they were vulnerable to the dangers of the world, and their chances of survival decreased significantly.

Kazuki Nakayashiki

Hatched by Kazuki Nakayashiki

Sep 27, 2023

4 min read

0

In our modern society, it's no secret that humans have a fear of being left out. This fear stems from our biological survival technique, which is deeply ingrained in our DNA. Our ancestors, who lived in small communities, relied on the safety and support of others to survive. If they were left out, they were vulnerable to the dangers of the world, and their chances of survival decreased significantly.

This fear of being left out, or FOBLO as it is commonly referred to, is still present in our lives today. However, we no longer face the same life-threatening dangers that our ancestors did. Instead, we seek safety in numbers by maintaining social relationships. Research suggests that humans are biologically designed to maintain only 150 relationships at a time, with only 50 of those being considered close.

But how does FOBLO affect our happiness and well-being? It turns out that our happiness, positivity, and contentment play a significant role in the quality of our social interactions. When we are happy and positive, we become more fun to be around, and as a result, we see an increase in positive interactions flowing into our social bank account. This social capital is essential for our overall well-being and can greatly impact our mental and physical health.

In fact, in 1970, the World Health Organization announced that social wellness is just as important to our health as physical and mental well-being. This means that our social relationships directly affect our overall well-being. So, it's crucial to prioritize and invest in the relationships that bring us meaning, purpose, and fulfillment.

In today's digital age, it's easy to fall into the trap of chasing multiple social networking sites in an attempt to combat FOBLO. However, this is not the answer. Building real-life relationships is key to addressing our inherent need for social connection. While social media can provide a sense of connection, it cannot replace the depth and quality of real-life interactions.

To combat FOBLO and enhance our social well-being, it's important to be intentional about the relationships we cultivate. This means participating in social (and social media) groups that truly fit our interests, lifestyle, and personality. It's about finding our tribe and investing our time and energy into relationships that align with who we are.

Becoming a regular in a particular community or group can also be beneficial. Whether it's finding a favorite coffee house to visit regularly or joining a meet-up group, showing up routinely allows us to build familiarity and deeper connections with others. By consistently engaging with a community, we foster a sense of belonging and create opportunities for meaningful interactions.

Now, let's shift gears and explore the self-destructive nature of humans. It's no secret that even smart people can do stupid things. We all make mistakes and engage in behaviors that are not in our best interest. But why does this happen?

One explanation is that we often succumb to the comfort of our routines and avoid discomfort. We prefer to stay within our comfort zones because it feels safe and familiar. However, this avoidance of discomfort can lead to stagnation and prevent personal growth. It's important to recognize that discomfort is a part of life and that embracing it can lead to greater resilience and personal development.

Tim Ferris, a renowned self-help author, once said, "The more you schedule and practice discomfort deliberately, the less unplanned discomfort will throw off your life and control your life." This quote highlights the importance of deliberately seeking out discomfort and challenging ourselves. By intentionally exposing ourselves to new experiences and pushing our boundaries, we can build resilience and adaptability.

So, how can we apply this concept to our daily lives? Here are three actionable pieces of advice:

  1. Embrace discomfort: Instead of avoiding discomfort, actively seek out opportunities to challenge yourself. This could be trying a new hobby, taking on a challenging project at work, or engaging in conversations that make you uncomfortable. By embracing discomfort, you open yourself up to new possibilities and personal growth.

  2. Step out of your comfort zone: Break free from the routines and patterns that keep you stuck. Push yourself to try new things, explore unfamiliar territories, and take calculated risks. Stepping out of your comfort zone can be scary, but it's where the magic happens and where you'll discover your true potential.

  3. Cultivate a growth mindset: Adopting a growth mindset means embracing challenges and seeing them as opportunities for learning and growth. Instead of viewing failure as a setback, see it as a stepping stone towards success. By cultivating a growth mindset, you'll be more resilient in the face of adversity and more willing to take risks.

In conclusion, both the fear of being left out and the self-destructive nature of humans are deeply rooted in our biology. However, by understanding these mechanisms and taking intentional actions, we can enhance our social well-being and personal growth. Remember to prioritize and invest in meaningful relationships, embrace discomfort, step out of your comfort zone, and cultivate a growth mindset. By doing so, you'll not only thrive in your social interactions but also unlock your full potential as a human being.

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