Why the Best Things in Life Are All Backwards: The Paradox of Effort and Reward

Why the Best Things in Life Are All Backwards: The Paradox of Effort and Reward

In our quest for success and achievement, we often find ourselves caught in a paradoxical situation. We believe that the more effort we put into something, the greater the reward will be. However, life has a way of defying our expectations and turning things upside down. This is especially true when it comes to activities that require complex thinking and emotional adaptation.

Take, for example, the concept of drown-proofing. The first lesson of drown-proofing is counterintuitive - the more you struggle to keep your head above water, the more likely you are to sink. To truly survive, you must let yourself sink to the bottom of the pool. From there, you can lightly push yourself off the pool floor and let your momentum carry you back to the surface. The second lesson of drown-proofing is equally paradoxical - the more you panic, the more likely you are to burn oxygen and fall unconscious.

Drown-proofing is not just a test of physical strength, but also a test of emotional self-control in the face of extreme danger. It requires the ability to let go of control when it is most desired. This skill is not only crucial for survival in the water but also holds valuable lessons for navigating the complexities of life.

Most activities in life do not follow a linear effort/reward curve. They are not simple or mindless tasks. Instead, they require mental and emotional exertion and the ability to adapt. Studies on work productivity have shown that we are only truly productive for a limited number of hours each day. After that, our effectiveness declines. This inverted curve, where effort and reward have a negative correlation, challenges our conventional understanding of success.

When we delve into the realm of the psychological, the relationship between effort and reward becomes even more inverted. Aldous Huxley once wrote, "The harder we try with the conscious will to do something, the less we shall succeed. Proficiency and results come only to those who have learned the paradoxical art of doing and not doing, or combining relaxation with activity." Our psychology, at its core, is paradoxical. When we consciously strive to achieve a particular state of mind, our desire for it often creates the opposite state of mind.

In our pursuit of meaning, freedom, and happiness, we often find ourselves chasing after elusive goals. We travel the world, seeking to find ourselves or the meaning of life. But perhaps, the answer lies in letting go. To achieve what we desire, we must give up our desires. Like in drown-proofing, we must let ourselves sink to the depths before we can rise to the surface.

Now, let's shift our focus to the realm of notes and ideas. We have a tendency to hoard information, saving notes, links, and thoughts as insurance for the future. We believe that by writing them down, we can ensure that they won't be forgotten. However, notes apps and other tools are not meant to help us remember; they are designed to help us forget.

When we write things down, we are not doing it with the intention of revisiting those thoughts later. We write them down to let go of them, to release them from the burden of our memory. Notes apps serve as insurance for our ideas, allowing us to forget them without fear of loss. They provide us with a sense of security, even if we never look back at the notes we have saved.

The truth is, not all of our thoughts and discoveries hold value. We write them down, but we rarely give them a second thought. We ascribe value to our ideas because they took time to think up and find. We fear losing them and strive to remember everything. But this misplaced loss aversion only burdens our minds with a million open mental tabs, eroding our ability to remember what truly matters.

We need to forget, but we must first feel safe forgetting. We need to know that our memories were not in vain and that they will be there if we ever want to retrieve them. Only then can we let go and truly embrace the present moment.

It's easy to blame the tools and techniques we use to organize our thoughts. We believe that a new app or a different approach will solve our forgetfulness. However, the cycle repeats itself. We keep seeking the next best thing, dumping our newest thoughts into it, until we're back to safely forgetting again.

In the end, the value of our notes and ideas lies not in their individual worth but in their ability to provide us with mental safety. They serve as reminders of when we first encountered an idea or discovery. We keep them, even if they hold little value, because the illusion of worth gives us the comfort we need to forget.

So, what can we do to navigate the paradox of effort and reward, and the illusion of value in our notes and ideas? Here are three actionable pieces of advice:

1. Embrace the paradox: Recognize that in certain situations, the more you strive for something, the further it seems to slip away. Learn to let go of control and trust the process. Sometimes, the best way to achieve a goal is to release your attachment to it.

2. Prioritize what truly matters: Understand that not everything you think or discover holds equal value. Focus on identifying and remembering the important things, rather than striving to remember everything. Embrace the art of forgetting and free up mental space for what truly matters.

3. Find meaning in the present: Instead of constantly seeking meaning and progress in your past notes and ideas, shift your focus to the present moment. Be fully present in your experiences and embrace the uncertainty and fear that comes with it. Lean into the discomfort, and you may find that true meaning and growth lie in the here and now.

In conclusion, the best things in life often defy our expectations and operate in paradoxical ways. The relationship between effort and reward is not always linear, and our pursuit of meaning and progress can sometimes lead us astray. By embracing the paradox, prioritizing what truly matters, and finding meaning in the present, we can navigate these complexities and find fulfillment in the most unexpected places. So, let go, embrace the unknown, and let yourself sink before you rise to the surface.