The Impact of Social Media Addiction and the Power of Friendship in Changing Minds

The Impact of Social Media Addiction and the Power of Friendship in Changing Minds

"“User Engagement” Is Code for “Addiction” - Oasis | KrASIA". As a facsimile of genuine humanity, it plunges into something resembling The Uncanny Valley for social interactions. Not because we wanted to be, or would be under other circumstances, but because we are all being conditioned to be introverted and consumption-obsessed egomaniacs. Forcing people indoors and abstracting their social interactions, forcing human contact into a communication channel that is both easily monetized and easily monitored harms our brains in a way that we don’t yet fully understand, in addition to giving untold amounts of power to private tech companies.

The strangest part is that, while social media is extremely habit-forming, it also seems to consist of mostly negativity. Relative timestamps (“3 hours ago” instead of “6:56 PM”). This creates IMMEDIACY. (note: Interesting. I've never thought it.) Without relative timestamps, social media would feel just a bit more like an old-style internet forum or BBS, and less like an instant messaging service. This minuscule feature change has a massive impact: it subconsciously increases FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out), which encourages longer and more frequent use patterns at the direct mental expense of the user. Infinite scrolling with no “more” button or link. This creates PERPETUATION. Fake internet points (clickable, often animated icons with incrementing numbers. Likes, reactions, upvotes, retweets, etc.). This creates ADDICTION.

Reddit, for example, has always obfuscated the true Karma score (“to prevent vote brigading”), and the position of a piece of content within the feed can be purposely decided by the Reddit home office, not by the community. This is incredibly, deeply sinister. It adds value to the interaction, and it makes the user feel empowered. Likewise, if you get a lot of reactions to your content, you get rewarded by your own brain. This leads to, quite literally, a chemically addictive component to social media. It fosters a feeling of being an outsider in anyone who dares to disagree with what “everyone” purportedly already believes. This makes it incredibly easy to fall into irrational rage fits over “the other,” or what one imagines them to be, and to allow one’s political and social views to slip ever more deeply toward extremism, destructiveness, and the worst of the mob mentality. They tell you that your friends all think a certain way already, and that leads you to believe that you are the odd one out for having your own opinions. Facebook invented the monetization of peer-pressure.

"Why Facts Don’t Change Our Minds". The Harvard psychologist Steven Pinker put it this way, “People are embraced or condemned according to their beliefs, so one function of the mind may be to hold beliefs that bring the belief-holder the greatest number of allies, protectors, or disciples, rather than beliefs that are most likely to be true.” “Faced with a choice between changing one’s mind and proving there is no need to do so, almost everyone gets busy with the proof.” “The most difficult subjects can be explained to the most slow-witted man if he has not formed any idea of them already; but the simplest thing cannot be made clear to the most intelligent man if he is firmly persuaded that he knows already, without a shadow of doubt, what is laid before him.” Humans need a reasonably accurate view of the world in order to survive. Truth and accuracy are not the only things that matter to the human mind. Humans also seem to have a deep desire to belong. “Humans are herd animals. We want to fit in, to bond with others, and to earn the respect and approval of our peers. Such inclinations are essential to our survival. For most of our evolutionary history, our ancestors lived in tribes. Becoming separated from the tribe—or worse, being cast out—was a death sentence.”

Sometimes we believe things because they make us look good to the people we care about. When we have to choose between the two, people often select friends and family over facts. (note: This might be true.) Convincing someone to change their mind is really the process of convincing them to change their tribe. If they abandon their beliefs, they run the risk of losing social ties. You have to give them somewhere to go. Nobody wants their worldview torn apart if loneliness is the outcome.

For all the large-scale political solutions which have been proposed to salve ethnic conflict, there are few more effective ways to promote tolerance between suspicious neighbors than to force them to eat supper together. Facts don't change our minds. Friendship does. The most frequent learning occurs from people who are nearby. The closer you are to someone, the more likely it becomes that the one or two beliefs you don't share will bleed over into your own mind and shape your thinking. The best place to ponder a threatening idea is in a non-threatening environment. As a result, books are often a better vehicle for transforming beliefs than conversations or debates. With a book, the conversation takes place inside someone's head and without the risk of being judged by others. It's easier to be open-minded when you aren't feeling defensive. (note: We need a psychologically safe place to be open-minded and creative to fully unlock one's potential.)

Silence is death for any idea. An idea that is never spoken or written down dies with the person who conceived it. Ideas can only be remembered when they are repeated. They can only be believed when they are repeated. Clear's Law of Recurrence: The number of people who believe an idea is directly proportional to the number of times it has been repeated during the last year—even if the idea is false. Your time is better spent championing good ideas than tearing down bad ones. Don't waste time explaining why bad ideas are bad. You are simply fanning the flame of ignorance and stupidity. The best thing that can happen to a bad idea is that it is forgotten. The best thing that can happen to a good idea is that it is shared. (note: Sharing is caring.)

Tyler Cowen's quote, “Spend as little time as possible talking about how other people are wrong.” Most people argue to win, not to learn. “Are you willing to not win in order to keep the conversation going?” Haruki Murakami once wrote, “Always remember that to argue, and win, is to break down the reality of the person you are arguing against. It is painful to lose your reality, so be kind, even if you are right.” The word “kind” originated from the word “kin.” When you are kind to someone it means you are treating them like family. This, I think, is a good method for actually changing someone's mind. Develop a friendship. Share a meal. Gift a book. (note: Really love this.)

In conclusion, the addictive nature of social media and the difficulty of changing someone's mind can have detrimental effects on society. However, the power of friendship and creating a psychologically safe environment can be instrumental in overcoming these challenges. Here are three actionable pieces of advice:

1. Limit your social media use: Recognize the addictive nature of social media and set boundaries for yourself. Take breaks from scrolling and engage in activities that foster real-life connections.

2. Seek diverse perspectives: Surround yourself with people who have different beliefs and opinions. Engage in respectful conversations and be open to challenging your own beliefs.

3. Share good ideas: Instead of focusing on tearing down bad ideas, champion good ideas and share them with others. Create an environment where ideas can be discussed and debated without fear of judgment or ridicule.

By understanding the impact of social media addiction and the power of friendship in changing minds, we can work towards building a more empathetic and open-minded society.