3 ways to practice civility | Steven Petrow

TL;DR

In this talk, the speaker discusses the importance of civility and manners, and how it has become a dirty word in today's society, while offering three new ways to be civil.

Transcript

I want to start by telling you two things about myself before I get into the full talk. And the first is that I've been writing about manners and civility for more than 20 years, as a book author and as a magazine columnist. The second is, my friends know to be very wary of inviting me over for dinner because any faux pas that happens at the table ... Read More

Key Insights

• 🥂 The importance of using correct names and pronouns to respect others' identities and erasing someone's identity by refusing to do so.
• 🧐 The word "civility" has become obsolete and a dirty word in the US, being equated with mere decorum and formal politeness rather than true citizenship.
• 🤔 The right associates civility with political correctness, seeing it as an attempt to control language, while the left struggles with civility when it comes to contentious issues such as the border wall.
• 🗣️ Civil discourse requires respectful engagement and listening to each other's differences while avoiding personal attacks.
• 😲 Hate speech can lead to violence, as seen in the threatening messages received by the speaker and the shooting at a Maryland newspaper.
• 😐 Trigger words like "homophobe," "racist," and "sexist" hinder finding common ground and should be avoided in civil discourse.
• 🌍 The issue of civility is not limited to the US, as countries like the Netherlands and the UK also experience a decline in good manners and bullying.
• 🤝 Acts of kindness and connection can lead to unexpected friendships, highlighting the joy of civility and the potential good that is lost when we choose to be uncivil. A "Geneva Convention of civility" is needed to set rules for discourse and promote better citizenship.

Questions & Answers

Q: How long has the speaker been writing about manners and civility?

The speaker has been writing about manners and civility for more than 20 years.

Q: Why did the speaker's host at a dinner party disagree with the speaker's views on Caitlyn Jenner?

The host believed it was disrespectful for Caitlyn Jenner to force others to use a new name and pronouns.

Q: How does the right-leaning side of the political spectrum view civility?

The right-leaning side often equates civility with political correctness and sees it as a form of censorship.

Q: How does the left-leaning side of the political spectrum view civility?

The left-leaning side sometimes struggles with civility, as seen in instances of harassment and protests against politically unpopular figures or policies.

Q: What is the speaker's first rule for maintaining civility?

The speaker's first rule is to deescalate language by avoiding trigger words and refraining from making personal attacks.

Q: How did the speaker respond when someone became aggressive over a scone in a bakery?

The speaker offered to share the scone or buy another pastry to share, which led to a conversation and the development of a friendship.

Q: What does the speaker believe is the good that is lost when people choose to be uncivil?

The speaker believes that choosing to be uncivil results in missed opportunities for friendship, connection, and the sharing of experiences and ideas.

Summary & Key Takeaways

• The speaker introduces themselves as an expert on manners and civility, sharing a story about a dinner party where they argued with their host about using the correct pronouns for Caitlyn Jenner.

• The speaker discusses the current state of civility in the United States, with both the political left and right having issues with it.

• The speaker proposes three rules for promoting civility: deescalating language, not making personal attacks, and not mistaking decorum for civility. They also suggest the need for a "Geneva Convention of civility."