Where are all the dumb 'narcissists'? The answer to this question lies in understanding the main strategies that narcissistic individuals employ to distance themselves from emotional vulnerability and shame. Two of these strategies are the desire to be admired and the need for self-sufficiency. By appearing intelligent through reading or showcasing their knowledge, narcissists can achieve both admiration and a sense of self-sufficiency.

Where are all the dumb 'narcissists'? The answer to this question lies in understanding the main strategies that narcissistic individuals employ to distance themselves from emotional vulnerability and shame. Two of these strategies are the desire to be admired and the need for self-sufficiency. By appearing intelligent through reading or showcasing their knowledge, narcissists can achieve both admiration and a sense of self-sufficiency.

A prime example of this is the iconic actor and director Charles Chaplin, who grew up in poverty but managed to create a life filled with performances and worldwide admiration. Chaplin also had a deep hunger for knowledge, which he later described as a defense mechanism against the world's contempt for the ignorant. This hunger for knowledge can be seen as a strategy to maintain distance from the feeling of shame.

Psychologists often describe narcissism as a way for individuals to distance themselves from vulnerable feelings within themselves. This lack of empathy for others is a consequence of this emotional distancing. The core of narcissism lies in the experience of emotional vulnerability during infancy and childhood, which is perceived as unsafe and unmanageable. In order to cope with this, the adaptable human child must find a strategy to avoid connecting with their vulnerability and expressing it, as it only leads to more discomfort.

Feelings of helplessness, fear, sadness, and shame become unmanageable and are therefore experiences to be avoided, similar to a phobia. This is why narcissism often manifests as coldness, as its primary goal is to stay away from feeling. Psychiatrist Alexander Lowen states that the absence of feeling is the fundamental disturbance in the narcissistic personality. In order to distance themselves from vulnerable feelings, narcissistic individuals may seek power, admiration, or a role in relation to others who are defined as vulnerable.

One way narcissists achieve distance from their emotional mind is by pouring all their mental resources into their intellectual mind. These two "minds" exist in different places within the brain. The emotional amygdala, which is responsible for emotions, is evolutionarily older and closer to the brain stem. On the other hand, the intellect resides mostly in the frontal lobes of the brain. While it is possible to think and feel simultaneously, there is a use of intellect that serves as a form of dissociation or disconnection from directly experienced emotion. By focusing on their intellectual mind, narcissists can effectively stay away from their feelings.

In conclusion, narcissistic individuals employ various strategies to distance themselves from emotional vulnerability and shame. These strategies include seeking admiration, displaying self-sufficiency, and pouring all mental resources into their intellectual mind. Understanding these mechanisms can help shed light on the behavior of narcissistic individuals and provide insights into their motivations.

Actionable Advice:

1. Develop self-awareness: Take time to reflect on your own emotional vulnerabilities and explore healthy ways of addressing them. By becoming more self-aware, you can avoid falling into patterns of narcissistic behavior.
2. Foster empathy: Practice putting yourself in others' shoes and genuinely try to understand their emotions and experiences. Empathy is a key antidote to narcissism and can help promote healthier relationships.
3. Seek therapy if needed: If you recognize narcissistic tendencies within yourself or struggle with emotional distancing, consider seeking therapy. A trained professional can help you delve deeper into the underlying causes and provide guidance on how to develop healthier coping mechanisms.