"Clear Is Kind. Unclear Is Unkind." - Creating Braver Leaders and Cultures of Courage

"Clear Is Kind. Unclear Is Unkind." - Creating Braver Leaders and Cultures of Courage

In today's fast-paced and ever-changing world, effective leadership is more crucial than ever. Leaders are faced with numerous challenges, but one issue stands out among the rest: the avoidance of tough conversations. This includes the act of giving honest and productive feedback, which is essential for personal and professional growth.

It is often tempting to sugarcoat the truth or feed people half-truths to make them feel better. However, this approach is unkind in the long run. By not being clear and transparent with others, we are doing them a disservice. It may momentarily make us feel more comfortable, but it hinders their progress and development.

Similarly, not setting clear expectations with our colleagues and then holding them accountable or blaming them for not meeting them is also unkind. Instead of avoiding these difficult conversations, we need to embrace them and lean into vulnerability. This is what psychologist Harriet Lerner refers to as a "rumble."

A rumble is a discussion, conversation, or meeting that is characterized by a commitment to being open and vulnerable. It involves staying curious and generous, even in the face of conflict or disagreement. It means being willing to tackle the messy middle of problem identification and solving, and being fearless in owning our own contributions to the situation.

In order to engage in these rumble conversations effectively, we must let go of our egos and the need to protect ourselves. Armoring up and getting defensive will only hinder the progress of the conversation. Instead, we should strive to listen with the same passion that we want to be heard. This creates a space where everyone feels respected and valued, enabling more productive and kind conversations.

To cultivate a culture of courageous communication, leaders can take several actionable steps. Firstly, they can lead by example and model vulnerability and open communication themselves. When leaders are willing to be vulnerable, it creates a safe space for others to do the same. Secondly, leaders can establish structures for regular "sparring sessions" with their teams or colleagues.

These sparring sessions should have a clear structure and purpose, ensuring that everyone knows what to expect and what outcomes to strive for. They can be scheduled on a fixed weekly or monthly cadence, allowing for consistency and regularity. By engaging in active, grounded discussions and debates, leaders can strengthen the quality of their reasoning and decision-making.

When seeking intellectual sparring partners, it is important to consider three key factors: background, competency, and personality. An ideal sparring partner should have a fundamentally different "map of reality" from your own. This diversity of perspectives can lead to richer discussions and insights.

In terms of competency, a sparring partner should exhibit clarity and depth of thinking. They should possess an analytical mind that can deconstruct problems into component parts. This ability to think critically and analytically enhances the quality of the discussion and decision-making process.

Lastly, a sparring partner should be kind but direct. It is crucial to feel safe with the person and know that their kindness does not interfere with their willingness to be honest and straightforward. This balance ensures that the discussions remain productive and respectful.

In conclusion, clear communication is an act of kindness, while being unclear or avoiding tough conversations is unkind. To create braver leaders and cultures of courage, we must embrace vulnerability and engage in rumble conversations. By letting go of our egos and actively listening, we can foster an environment of respect and growth.

Three actionable steps to implement in order to cultivate courageous communication are:

1. Lead by example and model vulnerability and open communication.
2. Establish regular "sparring sessions" with clear structures and desired outcomes.
3. Seek intellectual sparring partners who have different backgrounds, exhibit clarity of thinking, and possess a kind but direct personality.

By following these steps, leaders can create a culture where tough conversations are welcomed, and growth and development thrive. So let us stay awkward, brave, and kind as we navigate the challenges of leadership and communication in the modern world.