"How to Know What You Really Want: Unveiling the Influence of Desires and the Power of Mimetic Desire"

"How to Know What You Really Want: Unveiling the Influence of Desires and the Power of Mimetic Desire"

Desires are a fascinating aspect of human nature. They go beyond our basic needs and represent an intellectual appetite for things that we perceive as good, even if there is no physical or instinctual basis for wanting them. Thomas Aquinas, a philosopher and theologian from the 13th century, referred to these intellectual appetites as the 'will'. When we desire something and strive towards it, we experience pleasure, primarily on an intellectual level. However, desire itself does not bring us long-lasting joy because it is always for something we feel we lack.

What makes desire even more intriguing is that it is a social process. René Girard, a French philosopher, observed that desire is not entirely within our control. It is heavily influenced by the models we encounter in our lives. We are drawn to want what others want because desire is mimetic. We perceive something as good because someone else has modeled it in such a way that it appears desirable. This process of mimetic desire can lead to unnecessary competition and rivalry among individuals, as we constantly compare ourselves to others and strive for what they have.

To better understand the influence of models on our desires, it is essential to recognize the two main types of models: internal and external. Internal models are the people we come into contact with in our daily lives, such as friends, family, and coworkers. They have a significant impact on shaping our desires. External models, on the other hand, are individuals we have no possibility of interacting with, such as celebrities or historical figures. Our exposure to external models often comes through the media, which plays into our mimetic nature by showing us other people wanting the things we desire.

It is crucial to be aware of how internal models can lead to volatility in our desires. The reflexive nature of internal models means that we can influence each other's desires, creating a constant state of restlessness as we try to keep up with what others want. This can lead to a hijacking of our desires, causing us to focus obsessively on what our neighbors have or want, rather than on our own responsibilities and relationships.

To gain more control over our desires, we need to identify the system of desire we are enmeshed in. Just like a Michelin rating kept a chef stuck in a specific system, we often find ourselves trapped by other people's expectations or approval. By mapping out the system of desire that influences us, we can distance ourselves from it and regain agency over our own wants and needs. It is essential to understand the origins of our desires by diving deep into our past and recognizing which desires have been with us for a long time and which ones are fleeting.

One common trap we fall into is the fear of missing out, which is a form of mimetic desire. Whether it is wanting to write a book or embarking on a career change, these desires often arise from social interactions. However, we must remember that desires are not fixed. They can move along the spectrum of mimetic desire, becoming more or less influenced by others. By bringing intentionality to our desires, we can become the authors of our own creations.

Amidst the complexity of desire, there are certain perennial human values and desires worth pursuing. These values have stood the test of time and have proven to bring lasting joy. It is essential to ask ourselves where our desires find rest and what brings us longer-lasting joy without the constant need for more. Developing an anti-mimetic attitude and embracing wonder can lead us to discover genuine sources of happiness that are not dependent on external validation.

In today's world, social media plays a significant role in shaping desires. It is important to be mindful of the mimetic nature of social media platforms and the desires they mediate to us. We should evaluate whether the people we follow on these platforms are leading us to develop positive desires or causing us more anxiety. Additionally, we must recognize that everything we say and do becomes a model of desire for someone else, influencing their own wants and needs.

Understanding our core motivations is crucial in navigating the world of desires. By identifying what truly drives us, we can apply our core motivational drive across different areas of our lives. It is also important to recognize the significance we place on things merely because of someone else's relationship to them. By freeing ourselves from the hold of external validation, we can find greater contentment and focus on what truly matters.

Ultimately, desires are not about possessions or material things. They are about a deeper desire for being. If we constantly seek happiness in external circumstances and possessions, we will never find true contentment. Happiness should not be something we strive for in the future; it should be something we cultivate in the present moment. Lifestyle emerges from our values and discipline, not from external factors like our zip code or possessions.

In conclusion, understanding our desires and their origins is an essential step towards finding true fulfillment. By recognizing the influence of models and the power of mimetic desire, we can gain more control over our wants and needs. Here are three actionable pieces of advice to guide you on this journey:

1. Reflect on the things that irritate you about others. These irritations can provide valuable insights into your own desires and preferences.

2. Take a critical look at the system of desire you are enmeshed in. Identify the models that influence you and evaluate whether they align with your own values and aspirations.

3. Cultivate an anti-mimetic attitude by embracing wonder and being open to the unexpected. Focus on what brings you lasting joy and contentment, rather than constantly seeking external validation.

By following these steps, you can gain a better understanding of what you truly want and embark on a path towards authentic fulfillment. Remember, your desires have a history, and by knowing yourself, you can navigate the world of desires with greater clarity and purpose.