"How to Know What You Really Want: Understanding the Power of Desire and the Influence of Others"

"How to Know What You Really Want: Understanding the Power of Desire and the Influence of Others"

Desire is a complex phenomenon that goes beyond our basic needs. Unlike needs, desires are driven by our intellectual appetites for things that we perceive as good, even if we have no physical or instinctual basis for wanting them. The pleasure we derive from desire is primarily intellectual. According to philosopher Thomas Aquinas, our desires are part of our will, and when we strive towards something we desire, we experience joy upon achieving it.

However, desire is a social process, heavily influenced by others. French philosopher René Girard introduced the concept of mimetic desire, which suggests that we often desire things because others desire them. We are drawn to what others want, and this mimetic nature of desire can lead to unnecessary competition and rivalry. It's crucial to recognize the models that influence our desires, whether they are internal (people we interact with) or external (celebrities, historical figures, media).

Internal models of desire, such as friends, family, and co-workers, have a more significant impact on our desires because we can directly affect each other's desires. On the other hand, external models, like celebrities, shape our desires through media and advertising. Advertisers play into our mimetic nature by showing us not the thing itself, but other people wanting the thing. It's essential to be aware of this influence and not allow our desires to become hijacked by what others want.

To gain control over our desires, we must understand the system of desire we are enmeshed in. This involves recognizing our internal and external models of desire and identifying the expectations or approval we seek from others. By mapping out this system, we can distance ourselves from it and make conscious choices about our desires.

Understanding the history of our desires is also crucial. Our desires have evolved over time, and knowing where they came from helps us distinguish between true, authentic desires and fleeting ones. Dive deep into your past to understand how you have evolved and which desires have remained constant. This self-awareness allows you to align your desires with your values and pursue what brings you lasting joy.

One common trap that many people fall into is the fear of missing out, driven by mimetic desire. We often desire things or pursue certain paths because they are socially desirable, not because they align with our true aspirations. It's important to question whether your desires are authentically yours or influenced by others. Find your core motivation and apply it to various aspects of your life, freeing yourself from the hold of mimetic desire.

Another aspect of desire to consider is the significance we place on material possessions. Mimetic desire can make us value things based on others' relationships to them. However, it's important to remember that people hold more significance than things. By recognizing this, we can free ourselves from the hold of material desires and focus on what truly brings us happiness.

In today's digital age, social media plays a significant role in shaping desires. It acts as a mimetic machine, constantly modeling desires to us through people we barely know. It's crucial to be mindful of the content we consume on social media and whether it fosters positive desires or causes anxiety. Additionally, remember that everything you say or do on social media becomes a model of desire for someone else.

Finally, embrace an anti-mimetic attitude by remaining open to wonder and allowing reality to surprise you. Mimetic desire often leads to a narrow focus on what others have or want, distracting us from our immediate responsibilities and relationships. By cultivating a sense of wonder and being present in the moment, you can find happiness right where you are, rather than constantly seeking it elsewhere.

In conclusion, understanding the power of desire and the influence of others is essential for knowing what you truly want. By recognizing the social nature of desire and the models that shape our desires, we can gain control over them. Take action by mapping out your system of desire, understanding the history of your desires, and questioning the authenticity of your aspirations. Remember that happiness lies within you and that material possessions and external validation are secondary to meaningful relationships and personal growth. Embrace an anti-mimetic attitude and remain open to wonder, allowing reality to surprise you.