Wellness Wisdom vol.31: A Mental Model for Habits & Self-Actualization

Wellness Wisdom vol.31: A Mental Model for Habits & Self-Actualization

Introduction:
Setting new year resolutions is a common practice for many of us. However, statistics show that only 9% of people are able to stick with their resolutions. This raises the question of why some individuals are successful in achieving their goals while others struggle. In this article, we will explore the concept of motivation versus discipline, the importance of pushing through the "Valley of Pain," the need for discipline to feel good, and how habits shape our identity in our journey of self-actualization.

Motivation vs. Discipline:
Motivation is often seen as the driving force behind our actions. It can come and go, making it unreliable when it comes to achieving long-term goals. Discipline, on the other hand, is a choice we make to stick with our actions, regardless of how motivated we feel. Newton's third law of physics states that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. In the context of habits, this means that motivation can inspire us, but it should not be solely relied upon. Instead, we should focus on building disciplined habits. To do so, it is important to get specific about what discipline will look like for our specific goals. Scheduling our actions in our calendar can also help solidify the habit. Research suggests that it takes approximately 21 days for a new habit to form, highlighting the importance of consistency and perseverance.

The Valley of Pain:
As we embark on the journey of forming new habits, we are likely to encounter what is known as the "Valley of Pain." This is the stage where fear and resistance creep in, making it challenging to continue our efforts. However, it is during this stage that we must push through and overcome our fears. The more scared we are of a particular task or goal, the more important it is for our personal growth. We owe it to ourselves and those who have left us prematurely to make the best use of our time. Sharing our goals with others can sometimes trick our ego into thinking that we have already achieved them. Before deceiving anyone else, we must first be honest with ourselves. It is not the critic who counts, but the person who is in the arena, striving valiantly, even if they stumble and fail. These are the individuals who experience the triumph of high achievement or the lessons learned from defeat.

Discipline is Not Enough, It Has to Feel Good:
While discipline is crucial for traversing the Valley of Pain, it is not enough on its own. Discipline must be accompanied by a sense of enjoyment and fulfillment. If we find ourselves consistently unhappy or suffering while pursuing a habit, it may be time to reevaluate and make a change. Life is too short to engage in activities that we dislike. It is essential to find joy in the process and allow that feeling to solidify into a habit. As the saying goes, "The ultimate word is I Like." Philosophy and external expectations should not dictate our actions. Instead, we should focus on what brings us genuine happiness and fulfillment.

Habit Fuels Identity:
As we continue to practice disciplined actions, they gradually transform into habits. These habits, fueled by the release of dopamine, become an integral part of our identity. They shape our journey of self-actualization, allowing us to discover who we truly are and become it. Falling in love with the process rather than fixating on the end result gives us permission to be happy in the present moment. The key is to embrace the journey and find fulfillment in the daily grind. As we consistently show up and put in the work, something mysterious starts to happen. The universe aligns in our favor, and success becomes inevitable.

Actionable Advice:

1. Focus on building disciplined habits rather than relying solely on motivation. Be specific about what discipline will look like for your goals and schedule it in your calendar.
2. Embrace and push through the "Valley of Pain." Remember that the more scared you are, the more important the task is for your personal growth.
3. Ensure that your disciplined actions bring you joy and fulfillment. If a habit consistently makes you unhappy, it may be time to reevaluate and make a change.

Conclusion:
In our quest for self-actualization, it is essential to understand the interplay between motivation and discipline. While motivation may inspire us initially, discipline is the key to long-term success. Pushing through the "Valley of Pain" and finding joy in our disciplined actions allows habits to form and shape our identity. By embracing the process and focusing on the journey rather than fixating on the end result, we give ourselves permission to be happy and find fulfillment along the way. Remember, success is not just about reaching a destination but also about the growth and transformation that occurs throughout the journey.