Perfectionism: Why and How to Beat It

Perfectionism: Why and How to Beat It

Perfectionism is a common trait that many individuals possess. It is characterized by excessively high standards and a rigid adherence to those standards. People who suffer from perfectionism often find themselves hyperfocused on achieving impossible goals, leading to burnout, neglect of other responsibilities, and constant feelings of dissatisfaction. The problem lies in the rigidity around these standards, not the desire to do great work.

In the behavioral psychology community, there are two types of rule following: tracking and pliance. Tracking refers to finding a rule that has been reinforced by positive outcomes, while pliance refers to following a rule because of social pressure. Perfectionism can be seen as rule-governed behavior, where individuals hold onto rules so tightly that they become blind to situations where they don't work. The antidote to perfectionism lies in understanding the purpose of these rules and being flexible enough to follow them when they are helpful and disregard them when they are not.

To break free from the grip of perfectionism, it is essential to identify your values. Values are the directions you want your life to go in and the qualities you want to embrace along the journey. They serve as guideposts when faced with challenging circumstances. By focusing on your values, you can find intrinsic motivation and avoid the feeling of being lost once you accomplish a goal.

Research has shown that individuals are more likely to approach difficult or painful circumstances if they align with their personal values. This highlights the importance of having values that are deeply meaningful to you. Perfectionistic thoughts and ideas can actually be a gift as they point towards what is most important in your life. However, it is crucial to differentiate between rules you follow because you think you "should" and rules you follow because you genuinely desire the results they bring.

Developing awareness is a powerful tool in combating perfectionism. By consistently practicing awareness, you gain the freedom to distance yourself from the thoughts and feelings that contribute to perfectionistic tendencies. This ability, known as defusion, allows you to choose how to behave rather than being controlled by your thoughts. The next step is to remember what you want and return to your values. Following your values promotes variability in behavior, which is beneficial for personal growth and learning.

Now, let's explore the concept of the mere exposure effect in psychology. The mere exposure effect refers to the finding that the more often people have been exposed to something, the more they like it. This effect occurs even if individuals do not consciously remember having seen the object before. Research conducted by social psychologist Robert Zajonc in 1968 showed that exposure alone was enough to increase people's liking for an object, without the need for a reward or positive outcome.

The mere exposure effect has been observed in studies with both human participants and non-human animals. Interestingly, it works even when individuals are subliminally shown a set of images. However, it doesn't seem to apply to sounds. This suggests that familiarity plays a significant role in our preferences. When we've seen something before, it becomes easier for us to understand and interpret it, leading to a preference for familiar things.

Uncertainty reduction also plays a role in the mere exposure effect. We are naturally cautious around new things because they could potentially be dangerous. However, repeated exposure to the same thing without any negative consequences reduces our uncertainty and diminishes our fear. Perceptual fluency, or the ease with which we can process information, also contributes to our preference for familiar objects. When something is familiar, it is easier for us to understand and interpret it, leading to a sense of comfort and preference.

In conclusion, perfectionism can be detrimental to our well-being and productivity. By understanding the purpose of our rules and being flexible in their application, we can overcome the rigidity that characterizes perfectionism. Identifying our values and aligning our actions with them provides a sense of direction and motivation. Additionally, developing awareness and practicing defusion allow us to distance ourselves from perfectionistic thoughts and return to our values.

Three actionable pieces of advice to beat perfectionism:

1. Reflect on your rules and identify whether they are driven by intrinsic desire or societal expectations. Let go of rules that do not align with your values.
2. Cultivate self-awareness through mindfulness practices. Notice when perfectionistic thoughts arise and choose to respond in a way that aligns with your values.
3. Embrace variability in behavior and view mistakes as opportunities for growth. Challenge the all-or-nothing mindset and be open to learning new things.

Ultimately, by understanding the nature of perfectionism and embracing a more flexible and value-driven approach to life, we can overcome its negative effects and find fulfillment in our pursuits.