Mattering is Key to Believing in Yourself: Insights from Fantasy Books and TV Series

Mattering is Key to Believing in Yourself: Insights from Fantasy Books and TV Series

Mattering is a core, universal human need that plays a crucial role in our overall well-being. It goes beyond simply belonging to a group; it involves being missed and valued by others in that group. This concept of mattering is often confused with self-esteem and social connection, but it is a distinct and essential component for personal growth and happiness.

When it comes to self-esteem, it is possible to have a positive view of oneself and feel capable. However, to truly matter, individuals need to feel valued, heard, appreciated, and cared for. They must also believe that they add value in ways that make them feel important, capable, and trusted. This sense of mattering has been found to have numerous positive consequences, such as increased self-compassion, relationship satisfaction, and belief in one's ability to achieve goals.

On the other hand, the absence of mattering is associated with negative outcomes like burnout, self-criticism, anxiety, depression, aggression, and even an increased risk of suicide. It is crucial to recognize the importance of mattering in our lives and take steps to ensure that we feel valued and that we add value in various areas.

To determine where you stand on the mattering scale, ask yourself a few questions: Do you feel valued in your relationships, at work, and in your community? Do you believe that you matter regardless of your accomplishments or appearance? Additionally, assess whether you add value in these areas. Do you feel like a good partner or friend? Do you consider yourself competent at work? Are you relied upon by those outside your immediate circle? Is self-care a priority for you?

Once you have evaluated your level of mattering, there are steps you can take to enhance your sense of value and importance. Start by identifying areas where you are already adding value and think about how you can amplify your impact. For example, if you feel a sense of significance at work, it can lead to lower absenteeism, increased idea sharing, and better relationships with colleagues and managers.

Expressing appreciation is another powerful way to add value in relationships. Take the time to genuinely tell people why and how much you appreciate them. Be specific in your praise, acknowledging the small acts of kindness and thoughtfulness. This not only makes the other person feel valued but also strengthens the bond between you.

Furthermore, actively engaging in conversations with loved ones is a way to show that you value them and their experiences. Make it a habit to ask at least one open-ended question every time you interact with them. This demonstrates your genuine interest in their perspectives and deepens your connection.

Engaging in causes and fighting for something you believe in can also contribute to a sense of mattering. By dedicating yourself to a cause, you are actively making a difference and showing that you care about the well-being of others. This can give you a greater sense of purpose and significance in the world.

However, it is important to acknowledge that there are aspects of mattering that cannot be changed without institutional and structural overhauls. In situations where you are treated unfairly, it is crucial to recognize this and not internalize it as a reflection of your worth. Remind yourself that you are not alone in experiencing unfair treatment and challenge the idea that you don't matter. Instead of ruminating on negative thoughts, focus on taking action and advocating for change.

In conclusion, mattering is a fundamental human need that influences our well-being and self-belief. By recognizing the importance of mattering in our lives and taking actionable steps to enhance our sense of value and importance, we can cultivate a stronger belief in ourselves. Through expressions of appreciation, active engagement in relationships, and fighting for causes, we can make a meaningful impact and truly matter in the world. Remember, you are worthy, and you have the power to make a difference.