The Story of You: An Enneagram Journey to Becoming Your True Self – The Psychotherapist's Guide to Inner Transformation and Authentic Freedom

As long as your old shell remains in place, you will never become who you were intended to be—an oak tree. Your old story has to crack open so the seed of your authentic self can grow.

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The first step of transformation with the Enneagram is to see where your old story began—to exhume the hurtful events; the unchallenged, taken-for-granted beliefs; and the unhelpful internalized messages from your childhood that still rule your life today. I call this your origin story.

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What supports us in childhood thwarts us in adulthood. Our old stories continue to operate autonomously in the shadows of the heart and become the enemy of our growth.

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Your Passion is the source of your suffering. Its false promise is the enemy of your growth.

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The “See” step will help you uncover all the false, self-limiting stories and mistaken beliefs about what you have to do and who you have to be in order to find love, safety, and a sense of control in a frightening world.

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Mindfulness involves paying attention to what’s happening in the present moment as we catch ourselves in the act of falling into our old story. The Enneagram teaches that, when we can stand back and “catch ourselves in the act,” the grip of our Passion begins to dissolve. In the “Awaken” step, we develop increased awareness and learn how to resist the old gravitational pull of our Passion.

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Who was I before the world told me who I was supposed to be? Who would I be and what could I achieve if I pushed back against the false story about who I think am and the nature of the world? What decisions can I make today to inhabit the new story that will help me become the highest and truest expression of myself?

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So, the first order of business when changing your story is simple: Don’t do what you usually do. Remember the Ignatian idea of agere contra, or acting against. It’s the spiritual discipline of not doing what you would usually do. Agere contra means not going through the motions of your usual default behaviors.

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Growing up, Nines formulate a story that goes like this: The world threatens my inner harmony. The important people in my life react to circumstances and to each other in ways that frighten and unsettle me. In order to survive, I’d better not rock the boat. I have to avoid conflicts and keep the peace. Better to become invisible than to voice my needs, feelings, and preferences.

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A few of the unconscious, taken-for-granted beliefs that keep Nines trapped in their old story include: What I want doesn’t really matter. Attention from others is okay as long as it’s not focused on me for too long. Everything is okay if there is no conflict. I can get my needs met by others through forgetting myself, my ideas, and my agenda. It’s best not to be too affected by life. I’m a nice person who doesn’t get angry. I’m okay as long as everyone else is okay. I need to make people happy, even if it means sacrificing my own priorities.

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