What it's like to be a transgender dad | LB Hannahs

TL;DR

This content explores the experiences of a transgender parent and their journey towards authenticity and acceptance.

Transcript

So the other morning I went to the grocery store and an employee greeted me with a "Good morning, sir, can I help you with anything?" I said, "No, thanks, I'm good." The person smiled and we went our separate ways. I grabbed Cheerios and I left the grocery store. And I went through the drive-through of a local coffee shop. After I placed my order, ... Read More

Key Insights

• 👶: The speaker identifies as transgender and genderqueer, and being a parent has challenged them to rethink their own identity and navigate uncomfortable interactions.
• ⚧️: The speaker's child's understanding of their parent's gender identity will develop as they grow older, and the speaker wants to model authenticity and agency by confronting discomfort and standing up for their identity.
• 👫: The speaker and their partner have chosen gender-neutral parenting by celebrating both femininity and masculinity, aiming to create a balanced environment for their child to explore and understand gender in their own way.
• 🎀: The speaker acknowledges their own discomfort with femininity and feminine aspects of their body. They strive to be more comfortable in their body and to challenge societal expectations of what a dad's body should be like.
• ⚕️: The speaker's experiences with healthcare providers have varied, but they highlight the importance of healthcare professionals advocating for the existence and authenticity of transgender individuals, even when it may involve risk.
• 🌈: The speaker acknowledges the challenges and risks involved in being a genderqueer dad, but they express that every day is worth it. They commit to loving their child and themselves with forgiveness, compassion, tough love, and generosity.
• 💙💗: The speaker reflects on their journey as a parent and acknowledges that there will be hard and uncomfortable days ahead. However, they believe that embracing discomfort and authenticity will lead to a more meaningful and fulfilling life.
• 🌍: The speaker emphasizes the need for society to acknowledge and respect the diversity of transgender individuals and the importance of individuals standing up for others, even when it involves risk.

Questions & Answers

Q: How does the speaker identify themselves?

The speaker identifies as transgender and as a parent, making them a "transparent" - a term they coined for themselves.

Q: How does the speaker describe their gender identity?

The speaker identifies as genderqueer, meaning they do not identify strictly as a man or a woman and feel in between or outside of the gender binary.

Q: How does the speaker feel about being referred to as both a "sir" and a "ma'am"?

The speaker explains that while neither of these labels are completely wrong, they are also not completely right. They feel most comfortable in the space between, where they can be both a sir and a ma'am.

Q: How does the speaker navigate the discomfort of being misgendered?

The speaker shares two options they have when faced with being misgendered as a mom instead of a dad. The first option is to ignore the assumption, but this often leads to discomfort. The second option is to correct the person, which is the more authentic choice but can also lead to confused or negative reactions.

Q: How does the speaker approach gender neutrality in parenting?

The speaker initially realized they were inadvertently reinforcing sexism by rejecting femininity for their child. They now celebrate both femininity and masculinity in their child's life, making a conscious effort to provide a balanced environment for gender exploration and avoid associating words with specific genders.

Q: How does the speaker confront their discomfort with their own body?

The speaker acknowledges feeling uncomfortable with certain aspects of their body that are deemed feminine by society. They choose to engage with the discomfort and work towards being more comfortable in their own body, even in areas that don't conform to societal standards of masculinity.

Q: How does the speaker handle being referred to as "mom" by others?

The speaker discusses two options they have when people misgender them as "mom." They can either ignore it, which leads to feeling awkward, or correct the assumption, which can lead to confusion or uncomfortable conversations. They explain that although it can be challenging, choosing the authentic option is important for their own and their child's growth.

Q: What impact did an interaction between two nurses have on the speaker?

The speaker recalls an awkward interaction between two nurses regarding their identity as a dad. One nurse, Sarah, chose to affirm the speaker's existence as a dad, while another nurse, Becky, disagreed. This interaction highlighted the importance of advocating for others, even when it involves risk, and the hope that more people will take action like Sarah did.

Summary & Key Takeaways

• The speaker identifies as transgender and genderqueer, feeling neither fully male nor female.

• They discuss the discomfort and confusion they experience when being addressed as both "sir" and "ma'am" in public.

• The speaker reflects on their journey as a parent and their efforts to model authenticity and empower their child in embracing their own voice and identity.