Love -- you're doing it wrong | Yann Dall'Aglio

TL;DR

In this insightful talk, the speaker explores the concept of love in the context of modernity and proposes the use of tenderness and self-mockery to sustain relationships.

Transcript

Translator: Naíma Perrella Milani Reviewer: Elisabeth Buffard What is love? It's a hard term to define in so far as it has a very wide application. I can love jogging. I can love a book, a movie. I can love escalopes. I can love my wife. (Laughter) But there's a great difference between an escalope and my wife, for instance. That is, if I value the... Read More

Key Insights

• 🤔 Love can be defined as the desire to be desired, creating the eternal problem of how to become and remain desirable in modern society.
• 💔 Modernity and the freedom it brings have caused an identity crisis for individuals, who now have to constantly negotiate their value in the market of desires.
• 💼 Our consumer society is not materialistic, but rather driven by the accumulation of objects for the purpose of communicating and seduction.
• 💏 In the future, the intensification of narcissistic capitalization may lead to dating websites based on seduction capital points and chemical treatments for breakups.
• 😢 The pursuit of seduction and narcissistic satisfaction can create disparities, loneliness, and frustration, potentially calling modernity itself into question.
• ♂️ Instead of the hysterical need to be valued, becoming aware of our own uselessness and accepting the weaknesses of our loved ones can lead to more enduring relationships.
• ❤️ Tenderness, accepting and embracing the weaknesses of the loved one, along with self-mockery, can bring charm, happiness, and endurance to relationships in the absence of traditional constraints.

Questions & Answers

Q: How can love be defined in a more accurate way?

Love can be defined as the desire of being desired. It is the longing to be valued and cherished by another person. This desire for reciprocation is what sets love apart from simple preferences or affections for objects or activities.

Q: How did traditional authorities ensure an individual's value in love?

In traditional societies, an individual's value in love was ensured by submitting to community rules and fulfilling their prescribed roles based on factors such as sex, age, and social status. By adhering to these rules, individuals were valued and loved by the whole community.

Q: What has caused the biggest identity crisis in human history?

The phenomenon of modernity, which emerged primarily in the Renaissance, caused the biggest identity crisis in human history. Modernity brought about a process of rationalization in scientific research, political democratization, and economic production, leading to the erosion of traditional societal norms and bearings.

Q: How does contemporary man respond to the anxiety of being desirable?

Contemporary man responds to the anxiety of being desirable by collecting symbols of desirability. This act of collecting, known as seduction capital, is driven by the obsession of being valued and loved by others. Consumerism is heavily based on seduction capital, as individuals accumulate objects to communicate their desirability to others.

Summary & Key Takeaways

• Love can be defined as the desire of being desired, and the modern individual constantly seeks validation and desire from others.

• Consumerism is driven by the need to accumulate objects to communicate and seduce others, rather than materialistic desire.

• There are two possible futures for love: a narcissistic capitalization intensification, leading to disparities and loneliness, or a path of renouncing the need for validation and embracing tenderness and self-mockery in relationships.