How to Change and the Science Behind it | Katy Milkman

TL;DR

In a conversation with author and professor Katie Milkman, she discusses how coaching and asking for help can be more effective in driving change and increasing confidence compared to giving advice.

Transcript

we spend a lot of our time when we talk to someone who's struggling coaching them on how to be better and saying like here let me put my arm around you and give you some advice um and that's actually pretty demoralizing because if you've ever been on the receiving end it's like you think i'm such a doofus that i've never thought of this before you'... Read More

Key Insights

• 😷 Offering advice without being asked can be demoralizing and overlooks the individual's own problem-solving abilities.
• 😷 By asking people to be coaches instead of giving advice, their confidence can be boosted, and they might gain insights they wouldn't have otherwise.
• 🫥 Finding one's passion and career path doesn't always follow a straight line, and exploration and experimentation are crucial for discovering what truly resonates.
• 🌍 Academia can offer a platform for pursuing practical solutions to real-world problems, which can be applied across different organizations and settings.
• 😀 Change is not a one-size-fits-all solution, and the approach should be tailored to the specific obstacles or challenges faced by individuals.
• 💱 The book "How to Change" explores different obstacles to change and suggests scientifically-backed strategies to tackle each one.
• 🤔 Coaching others can provide a sense of responsibility, boost confidence, and encourage deeper thinking about effective strategies.

Questions & Answers

Q: Why can offering unsolicited advice be demoralizing?

Offering unsolicited advice can be demoralizing because it assumes that the person struggling hasn't already considered possible solutions and suggests that their problem is simple and easily solved. It can undermine their confidence and make them feel like they are not capable of finding their own solutions.

Q: How can coaching someone else boost confidence and lead to insights?

Coaching someone else can boost confidence because it shows that someone values their expertise and believes in their abilities. It gives them a sense of responsibility and encourages them to think deeply about effective strategies and solutions. This introspection can lead to insights they may not have gained otherwise.

Q: Why is it hypocritical to tell someone else to do something and not do it yourself?

Telling someone else to do something and not doing it oneself can be seen as hypocritical because it goes against the idea of leading by example. It questions the genuineness of the advice and undermines the credibility of the person giving it. It is important to practice what is preached to maintain integrity.

Q: How did Katie Milkman discover her passion for research and academia?

Katie Milkman initially considered a career in investment banking but discovered her love for research during her junior year in college when she analyzed a decade of New Yorker short stories for her senior thesis. The process of crunching data, finding answers to questions, and sharing findings with others sparked her passion for research and led her to pursue a PhD.

Summary & Key Takeaways

• Katie Milkman suggests flipping the traditional approach of giving advice and instead asking people who are trying to achieve more to coach someone else, as it can boost their confidence and lead to introspection and insights.

• She highlights that offering advice can sometimes be demoralizing and assumes the person struggling hasn't considered possible solutions.

• Katie Milkman discusses her journey from considering a career in investment banking to finding a passion for research and academia.