Compersion–the Opposite of Jealousy | Joli Hamilton | TEDxEasthamptonWomen

TL;DR

Jealousy is a normal emotion that arises from fear of losing a loved one, and polyamorous individuals embrace compersion as a way to move towards joy and deeper intimacy.

Transcript

as kids we're taught to share share our toys share our friends share our parents attention when siblings come along and with all that sharing jealousies bound to come up well what are we taught about jealousy itself not very much at all really when a little kid throws a jealous tantrum it's typical that they're simply told to settle down and what d... Read More

Key Insights

• 😨 Jealousy is a complex emotion composed of primal emotions such as anger, sadness, shame, and fear. It can manifest even without a real rival.
• 😃 Polyamorous relationships invite jealousy through multiple intimate partnerships, but polyamorous individuals embrace compersion as a way to move towards joy and deeper intimacy.
• ❓ Polyamorous relationships offer benefits such as increased support, diversity, and the freedom to have friendships with unlimited intimacy.
• 💨 Cultural influences, such as music, literature, and myths, often depict jealousy in negative ways, perpetuating shame and avoidance of this emotion.
• ❓ Recognizing and acknowledging jealousy is the first step in managing it effectively.
• 🤗 Personal values and open communication play a crucial role in navigating jealousy in polyamorous relationships.
• 😃 Compersion, the feeling of joy for another's joy, is a conscious choice to embrace alongside jealousy, leading to deeper intimacy and personal growth.

Questions & Answers

Q: Why is jealousy considered a normal emotion?

Jealousy is considered normal because it stems from our primal fear of losing a loved one to a rival. It can arise even without a real threat and is a natural part of protecting our DNA lineage and resources.

Q: How do polyamorous individuals handle jealousy?

Polyamorous individuals recognize jealousy as a valuable teacher and a sign of their deep care for their partners. They practice compersion, which involves feeling joy for another's joy, even if it doesn't directly include them. They also communicate openly, set boundaries, and prioritize their own happiness.

Q: What are the benefits of polyamorous relationships?

Polyamorous relationships offer increased support, diversity, and intimacy. Having multiple partners allows for more resources and emotional support, and friendships can have unlimited depth and intimacy without constraints.

Q: How does cultural baggage affect our perception of jealousy?

Cultural influences, such as music, literature, and mythology, often portray jealousy in negative ways, associating it with possessiveness and violence. This cultural conditioning makes it difficult for individuals to embrace jealousy as a normal emotion and leads to shame and avoidance.

Key Insights:

• Jealousy is a complex emotion composed of primal emotions such as anger, sadness, shame, and fear. It can manifest even without a real rival.
• Polyamorous relationships invite jealousy through multiple intimate partnerships, but polyamorous individuals embrace compersion as a way to move towards joy and deeper intimacy.
• Polyamorous relationships offer benefits such as increased support, diversity, and the freedom to have friendships with unlimited intimacy.
• Cultural influences, such as music, literature, and myths, often depict jealousy in negative ways, perpetuating shame and avoidance of this emotion.
• Recognizing and acknowledging jealousy is the first step in managing it effectively.
• Personal values and open communication play a crucial role in navigating jealousy in polyamorous relationships.
• Compersion, the feeling of joy for another's joy, is a conscious choice to embrace alongside jealousy, leading to deeper intimacy and personal growth.
• Jealousy is a normal emotion that everyone experiences to varying degrees; it is not a moral failing to feel jealous.

Summary & Key Takeaways

• Jealousy is a normal and complex emotion made up of primal emotions such as anger, sadness, shame, and fear. It can manifest even without a real rival and can attack through the imagination.

• Polyamorous individuals willingly experience and address jealousy in their relationships, recognizing it as a valuable teacher and indicator of deep care for their partners. They strive to move away from the fear of losing their beloved and towards compersion, which is a feeling of joy for another's joy.

• Polyamory offers benefits such as increased support and diversity in relationships, as well as the opportunity to have friendships with unlimited intimacy. However, navigating jealousy requires open communication, setting boundaries, and recognizing the cultural baggage associated with jealousy.