"The trap that has ensnared Esther and her manager is a common one: They are defining emotional intelligence much too narrowly. Because they’re focusing only on Esther’s sociability, sensitivity, and likability, they’re missing critical elements of emotional intelligence that could make her a stronger, more effective leader."

"A recent HBR article highlights the skills that a kind, positive manager like Esther might lack: the ability to deliver difficult feedback to employees, the courage to ruffle feathers and drive change, the creativity to think outside the box. But these gaps aren’t a result of Esther’s emotional intelligence; they’re simply evidence that her EI skills are uneven."

"For example, if Esther had strength in conflict management, she would be skilled in giving people unpleasant feedback."

"And if she were more inclined to influence, she would want to provide that difficult feedback as a way to lead her direct reports and help them grow."

"How can you tell where your EI needs improvement — especially if you feel that it’s strong in some areas?"

"Simply reviewing the 12 competencies in your mind can give you a sense of where you might need some development. There are a number of formal models of EI, and many of them come with their own assessment tools."

"We recommend comprehensive 360-degree assessments, which collect both self-ratings and the views of others who know you well."

"Formal 360-degree assessments, which incorporate systematic, anonymous observations of your behavior by people who work with you, have been found to not correlate well with IQ or personality, but they are the best predictors of a leader’s effectiveness, actual business performance, engagement, and job (and life) satisfaction."