"What we need to do is get a handle on those feelings so we can think straight."

"And that’s what Emotional Regulation does: allows us to flexibly manage our emotions so we can make smart decisions. ER is so powerful it was one of the techniques that increased Navy SEAL passing rates."

"The first is to slow down and make some space between your negative emotions and your behaviors. Impulsivity is the enemy."

"So notice and name your emotions. Identify them and see them as “other”. Not you."

"Naming emotions and focusing on the body should slow the onslaught of abuse coming from your gray matter."

"And that leads us to the second step: reappraise. This is a tool from CBT, the most proven psychological therapy out there."

"Sometimes that’s all it takes. Logic comes in and tells you you’re overreacting."

"We think some situations are “bad” and others “not so bad” but what we often forget is those categories are subjective."

"As Seligman says, “How tolerable a situation feels grows out of our belief about whether we can do anything to escape it.” The key word there is “belief.”"

"The proven intervention that helps here is called “Best Possible Self.” Pick a future time frame, maybe 15 years from now."

"Imagine everything in your life has gone right. You’ve got the career you want, success, good relationships – basically, everything you’ve dreamed of. Write about this for 10 minutes."

"Explore what you’d do in this scenario. How would you spend your time? What does it feel like?"

"What’s the big baddy that best predicts poor resilience? Catastrophizing. This is immediately jumping to the worst-case scenario in times of uncertainty."

"We need “Cognitive Agility.” This is the ability to consider many possibilities before focusing and acting on one. Cognitive Agility gives you options – and focuses on the most realistic one, not the scariest one."

"By using an exercise called “Putting It In Perspective.” Next time something bad happens and your mind screams, “My spouse is caught in a wreck of twisted steel and flames!”, take a second to generate more options."

"You forgive them. Well, that’s the fix here. University of Texas at Austin professor Kristin Neff says self-compassion is when we take the compassion we show to others when they screw up and apply it to ourselves."

"So how do we increase self-compassion? It’s easy. Imagine what you’re dealing with is happening to someone you care about."

"Self-Efficacy is the belief in your ability to exercise control over what you do and the things that affect your life."

"Levels of Self-Efficacy predict everything from how well you perform on the job to whether or not you achieve diet and exercise goals."

"Rather than just attempting to convince yourself with affirmations, you actually go achieve goals and by seeing yourself achieve goals, over time, you can’t help but start to identify as “a person who achieves their goals.”"

"When you read the testimony of political dissidents who have been tortured, they describe a consistent pattern: before the process began, they were made to stare at the implements that would be used to harm them."

"The pain in your arm isn’t in your arm. All pain is in the brain. (If it wasn’t, there would be no phantom limb pain.)"

"Your nervous system has two ways of dialing back the pain signal: endorphins and “gating.”"

"Endorphins are the body’s natural opiates. They’re what allow athletes and soldiers to keep going when injured. Great for acute, severe pain, but pretty ineffective against chronic pain."

"Gating is about logistics. Tons of sensations are constantly flying up your nervous system and your brain is like “Hey! One at a time. You’re flooding my inbox.” So sensations get prioritized. If one is first in line, the others get gated. Blocked. This is why you rub your leg when it’s cramped, and why ice packs and heating pads help."

"Why did the pain of the torture victims get worse after seeing the weapons? Because your emotions, beliefs, expectations, and thoughts all influence what you feel."

"What’s all this mean? If we reduce stress and anxiety, improve mood and shift attention, we can reduce pain perception. It’s far from a magic “off” switch, but it can definitely help."

"Luckily, the reverse is also true. When we redirect attention – when we’re distracted – pain can be dramatically reduced."

"Something grabs your attention and you briefly forget you’re supposed to be miserable."

"Ouchie!: Pain definitely gets a one-star review — but it’s important to realize psychology is a big part of it."

"Thoughts: The lacerating ones pain brings can make you feel worse. Dispute them to get realistic and reduce the sting."

"Research shows it helps to broaden your perspective. To think about what you like best about yourself. Your hobbies and passions. What you’re curious about. Your favorite things. What you’re good at."

"But most important was getting some mental distance from the workplace gossip scene."

"They talked about getting focused a lot – not because they were good at it, but because it was huge problem for them."

"Abba Poemen, a leader at the monastic community of Scetis, said, “the chief of all wickednesses is the wandering of the thoughts.”"

"Simple tasks take on new life when you tell yourself: MUST. BATTLE. DEMONS!"

"They could empathize with others’ problems and trade new techniques for improvement."

"Even within a monastery, monks knew a balance was necessary. Occasionally they needed time alone and this was a good thing."

"Work by Stanford business professor Bob Sutton shows getting away from everyone can boost productivity and creativity."

"Not getting caught up in gossip, bickering, and debates over the latest news. Even they knew this overloaded our attention and took time away from what was important."

"Find a routine. And defend that structure against all encroachment."

"And so monks did physical labor to foster mental stability. Gotta be strong to fight those demons."

"Medieval monks didn’t struggle with internet distractions but they did spend a lot of time trying to control what ideas got into their heads."

"Think about the format and mediums by which you take in information and customize it. Build new technological habits aligned with the results you want to achieve."

"Monks didn’t always practice meditation but numerous groups ended up arriving at some of the most fundamental tools of mindfulness."

"The primary one was what we now call “meta-cognition” — learning to notice and evaluate one’s thoughts."

"The next step was “discernment.” Monks had to know if the thoughts in their mind came from themselves, from God, or from demons."

"Ask yourself, “Is this thought useful? Is it worth my time?”"

"Well, give that guy an honorary degree in neuroscience because we now know that recognizing and labeling your thoughts can help you dismiss them when they’re not helpful."

"Mindfulness tells us not to judge our thoughts, to distance ourselves from them."

"So remind yourself of why what you do is important and who it helps."

"Have a group at work with the same goals and values you do. They can support you emotionally and offer help."

"Most importantly, get mental distance from the drama of the workplace and the internet."

"Make things automatic and it’s a lot easier to stay on task."

"Find the best ways to leverage digital devices to reach your goals."

"Monks read a lot, always attempting to shape their minds for the better. They felt if they read the right kind of books, it became part of their heart."

"When students forgive themselves for procrastination, they’re better able to study, to learn and to perform better on exams."

"Yeah, it makes us happier, but its effects are much, much more profound than you might guess."

"People who use humor to cope with stress have better immune systems, reduced risk of heart attack and stroke, experience less pain during dental work and live longer."

"Surgery patients who watched comedies needed 60% less pain medication."

"Humor improves your relationships. Surveys say it’s the second most desirable trait in a partner. When both people in a couple have a good sense of humor they have 67% less conflict."

"In fact, if you’re not going for laughs at the office, you may be hurting your career. Humor increases perceptions of power and status. It boosts creativity. It signals intelligence."

"Making people laugh increases persuasion and made buyers willing to pay higher prices"

"Humor is our brain’s way of rewarding us for correcting errors in our thinking."

"It takes brainpower to decode the joke and having to think kills bad feelings. When you’re in a bad mood humor cheers you up by literally forcing a change in your perspective."

"All humor contains surprise."

"You want the listener’s expectations to be violated with a kind of chiropractic snap."

"Yes, the old saying “it’s funny because it’s true” is true."

"This bonds the joke teller and listener over the shared experience."

"So a good place to start is by noticing the odd, less-than-obvious, but universal absurdities we all experience."

"Good humor often has a perspective. It doesn’t just convey facts; it has a judgment beneath it."

"Good humor often points out what’s wrong or inconsistent with the world."

"Something that’s absurd or unfair. Things are not how they should be."

"4) Incongruous Juxtaposition This is one of the most common forms that jokes take: contrasting two things that aren’t the same but also, in another way, are:"

"So think of juxtapositions that seem odd on the surface but also contain an element of truth."

"5) Exaggeration And Specificity"

"Two simple things that add punch to any joke. Making things more extreme and going overboard increases impact."

"This is a powerful type of humor you’ve heard comedians use many times. They tell a joke and then later make another one that calls back to the original, often escalating the humor."

"7) The Listener Has To Decode The Joke Themselves"

"Just something important to keep in mind to avoid many common humor fails."

"If they are unable to decode what happened and “don’t get it” then it’s not a joke, it’s a Christopher Nolan film."

"Think of what’s strange, what doesn’t make sense in life. And think of what kinda makes sense — but doesn’t. What’s wrong or unfair or inconsistent?"

"What is surprising, true, specific, and makes sense in one way but in another way doesn’t?"

"Humor may be a “benign violation” but people’s definition of “benign” can vary – a lot."

"Yes, some things should not be joked about, but the problem is everyone has a different list."

"There is always a bit of risk-reward in joking. There is rarely a totally safe “index fund” for humor."

"So always know your audience. Always consider the context."

"A study from Harvard and Wharton that looked at humor in professional settings found that as long as the humor wasn’t inappropriate, just making the joke boosted perceptions of confidence, status and competence."

"You’re not supposed to laugh at your boss because it conveys you don’t take them seriously. But that’s the best reason to laugh at the hard times in life, to tell it: I do not take you seriously."

"You know the benefits: you think clearly, you don’t make rash decisions, you don’t get scared."

"What did so many of history’s greatest warriors stress as key to success and optimal performance? “Being calm.”"

"We’re talking about some of the greatest samurai who ever lived writing about it over and over for five hundred years:"

"When you manage to overcome your own mind, you overcome myriad concerns, rise above all things, and are free. When you are overcome by your own mind, you are burdened by myriad concerns, subordinate to things, unable to rise above."

"“Mind your mind; guard it resolutely. Since it is the mind that confuses the mind, don’t let your mind give in to your mind.”"

"Both in fighting and in everyday life you should be determined though calm. Meet the situation without tenseness yet not recklessly, your spirit settled yet unbiased."

"Really, they thought about death a lot."

"One who is supposed to be a warrior considers it his foremost concern to keep death in mind at all times, every day and every night, from the morning of New Year’s Day through the night of New Year’s Eve."

"According to Johnson and Leach, the sort of people who survive are the sort of people who prepare for the worst and practice ahead of time"

"It’s what the Stoics call, “the premeditation” – that there’s actually a lot of peace of mind to be gained in thinking carefully and in detail and consciously about how badly things could go."

"Research shows the most powerful way to combat stress or anxiety — to stay calm — is to have a feeling of control."

"“The loss of prefrontal function only occurs when we feel out of control. It’s the prefrontal cortex itself that is determining if we are in control or not. Even if we have the illusion that we are in control, our cognitive functions are preserved.”"

"Even a good luck charm can help — because good luck charms really do work."

"…people with a lucky charm performed significantly better than did the people who had none. That’s right, having a lucky charm will make you a better golfer, should you care about such things, and improve your cognitive performance on tasks such as memory games."

"Sneaky. These are the kind of smart ideas that come from a cool head."

"Today is victory over yourself of yesterday; tomorrow is your victory over lesser men."

"Author Oliver Burkeman wrote: “Few things feel more basic to my experience of adulthood than this vague sense that I’m falling behind.”"

"Time to stage an epiphany: Do something that brings you pure unadulterated pleasure. All you have to do is enjoy it and feel good. You have my permission."

"Take a second and say to yourself, “I do not need to accomplish everything or improve everything. Life is about pleasure and good god I am just going to relax and enjoy myself.”"

"Epicurus felt life was about pleasure. It should be our North Star. He felt life should not be drudgery and boredom."

"What’s the endgame to all the nonsense in life if we’re not enjoying ourselves?"

"He wasn’t overly indulgent (some even accused him of being an ascetic). But one thing is certain: he felt we do pleasure all wrong."

"Epicurus did not recommend turning your life into an endless, crazed rumspringa. His goal was “ataraxia”, which best translates as “tranquility.”"

"Epicurus felt people acted unethically because of anxieties lurking beneath the surface. They did bad things to quell those anxieties much like an alcoholic does."

"He agreed that pleasure competes with duty, but he felt we often overlook the pleasure in duty."

"The key to tranquility is choosing pleasure wisely. We need a firewall of common sense between total responsibility and total hedonism."

"Often we opt for disastrous “direct” hedonism (fun now, work later) when “indirect” hedonism would be the net positive choice (work now, fun after). And he said we were too lazy about pleasure — choosing subpar, easy pleasures now when we could be smarter and get a bigger payoff with modest effort."

"We’ll call them Necessary, Extravagant and Corrosive:"

"These are, in general, pretty easy to come by and don’t require intense effort."

"These are often Necessary pleasures taken to the limit (fancy meals, expensive clothes, etc.). Think luxury. Epicurus was okay with Extravagant desires as long as: 1) they didn’t cause harm, 2) they didn’t become the goal of life, and 3) didn’t get in the way of Necessary pleasures."

"Corrosive desires are things that have no limit: wealth, power, fame, beauty, etc."

"They’re awful because you can never win. You’re forever on the treadmill."

"Simply put: corrosive desires make you a slave."

"Our problem is we often don’t have our priorities straight."

"We need to focus on Necessary pleasures."

"Extravagant pleasures are okay if they don’t become the focus of life, but often they aren’t worth the hassle."

"And we need to ditch Corrosive pleasures because they can consume your life entirely."

"So do a “Pleasure Audit.” Decide what should really be in your personal Garden of Earthly Delights."

"Next, what are your Extravagant desires? Which ones are okay and which ones are cannibalizing Necessary desires?"

"The great thing about tranquility is that it’s an “enough” state."

"We want to be tranquil so we drive ourselves crazy chasing success to try and be tranquil but just end up more crazy."

"Epicurus felt we should aim for satisfaction over success. Satisfaction can be reached; success is forever a moving target. Satisfaction is “enough”."

"The people we call “successful” are often just those panting and straining on the Corrosive desire treadmill."

"But this “simple life” raises an issue: what the heck are you supposed to do with your time?"

"Epicurus felt friends were the single biggest contributor to happiness, bar none. And modern research backs him up."

"What we should look for in friends is trust and a shared idea of what matters in life."

"Oh, and Epicurus would not approve of social media. Most of our time on Instagram isn’t good. It’s often about pride and status seeking."

"The Stoics emphasized steeling ourselves against pain by imagining worst case scenarios."

"But Epicurus felt life is tough enough without imagining worst case scenarios that will likely never occur."

"We secure ourselves against misfortune by surrounding ourselves with those who love us and will provide emotional and material support when life gets lousy."

"We should reflect on past pleasures, savor current ones and anticipate future pleasure. And be grateful for everything you have."

"Seek “Enough”: Satisfaction beats success. What we call “success” is often just slavery to Corrosive desires. And you don’t need quintuplets to be a happy parent."