Matthew Hussey ON: How to Get Over Your Ex & Find True Love in Your Relationships | Summary and Q&A

Summary

In this video, Matthew Hussey, a dating expert, shares his insights on love and relationships. He discusses the importance of valuing genuine relationship skills and reevaluating what is truly important in a partner. He emphasizes the significance of timing and intentionally approaching love, as well as the need to be open, curious, and constantly learning in relationships. Hussey also talks about the common mistake of building fantasies and expectations based on limited information and early stages of dating. He suggests looking out for key signs such as compassion, curiosity, and the ability to apologize and rebuild after arguments.

Questions & Answers

Q: How has Matthew Hussey's view of love changed over the last 15 years of working with people?

Matthew Hussey believes that his view of love has changed as he has gotten older and realized the importance of reevaluating what is actually important in a partner. He emphasizes the value of relationship competence and genuine relationship skills over superficial qualities. He now believes in the significance of timing and intentionally entering love with a different intentionality, rather than viewing it as something that just happens to us.

Q: How can someone build relationship competence?

Building relationship competence requires being willing to self-reflect and learn from experiences. It involves being open to discovering and understanding someone else, as well as being open to learning new ways of relating and handling different situations. It may also involve seeking outside help, such as therapy or coaching, to gain different perspectives and insights. It is essential to have a constant student mindset and be curious about how others handle different aspects of relationships.

Q: How can individuals shift their mindset and focus on valuing the right things in a relationship?

To shift mindset and focus on valuing the right things in a relationship, it is important to recognize that being attracted to someone's looks, status, or other superficial qualities does not necessarily translate to a successful and fulfilling relationship. Instead, it is crucial to value relationship skills and how someone shows up in a relationship. It involves being mindful and present on a date, not getting caught up in fantasies, and paying attention to how the person reacts to vulnerability, conflict, and specific challenges that may arise in the future.

Q: What can people look out for in early relationships or when just starting to date someone?

In early relationships or when just starting to date someone, it is important to pay attention to how the person reacts to vulnerability and how they handle conflict. Do they show compassion and curiosity when you reveal something about yourself? Are they interested in truly getting to know you? Additionally, observing how they apologize and rebuild after arguments is significant. Are they willing to take responsibility and make amends, or do they resort to toxic behavior and lashing out? It is also important to look for signs of teamwork and support, as well as how they handle challenges and goals in their own lives.

Q: How can individuals avoid falling into the trap of constructing fantasies about the potential of a relationship?

To avoid constructing fantasies about the potential of a relationship, one needs to be mindful and present in the current reality. It is important to acknowledge that knowing only a small percentage of someone does not justify building up the rest through extrapolation and imagination. Instead, focus on observing the person's actions, how they show up consistently, and how they treat you in various situations. Avoid making assumptions or projecting future possibilities based on limited information. Remember that a relationship is built on the actual experiences and efforts put into building a connection, not on fantasies.