"I’m no model lady. A model’s just an imitation of the real thing."

"Women like a man with a past, but they prefer a man with a present."

"A hard man is good to find."

"What’s the good of resisting temptation? There’ll always be more."

"I’ll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure."

"Sex is an emotion in motion."

"Don’t marry a man to reform him that’s what reform schools are for."

"You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough."

"Personality is the most important thing to an actress’s success."

"Every man I meet wants to protect me. I can’t figure out what from."

"When in doubt, take a bath…"

"JUDGE: Are you trying to show contempt for this court? MAE WEST: I was doin’ my best to hide it."

"Ten men waiting for me at the door? Send one of them home, I’m tired."

"A man’s kiss is his signature."

"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond."

"You can do what you want, but saving love doesn’t bring any interest."

"I’ve been things and seen places."

"One and one is two, and two and two is four, and five will get you ten if you know how to work it."

"He who hesitates is a damned fool."

"Love is like a booger, you pick and pick at it. Then when you get it you wonder how to get rid of it."

"Ladies who play with fire must remember that smoke gets in their eyes."

"It takes two to get one in trouble."

"You may admire a girl’s curves on the first introduction, but the second meeting shows up new angles."

"No one can have everything, so you have to try for what you want most."

"I’ve been in more laps than a napkin."

"All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else."

"Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution."

"To err is human, but it feels divine."

"Wit & Wisdom of Mae West Love thy neighbor and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier."

"Opportunity knocks for every man, but you have to give a woman a ring."

"Brains are an asset, if you hide them."

"Woman: You certainly know the way to a man’s heart. Mae West: Funny, too, ’cause I don’t know how to cook."

"Whenever I’m caught between two evils, I take the one I’ve never tried."

"I’m single because I was born that way."

"Marriage is a fine institution, but I’m not ready for an institution."

"Cultivate your curves they may be dangerous but they won’t be avoided."

"I used to be Snow White, but I drifted."

"The 2,548 Best Things Anybody Ever Said Everyone has the right to run his own life- even if you’re heading for a crash. What I’m against is blind flying."

"She’s the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong."

"Too much of a good thing can be taxing."

"It isn’t what I do, but how I do it. It isn’t what I say, but how I say it, and how I look when I do it and say it."

"Save a boyfriend for a rainy day and another, in case it doesn’t rain."

"You are never too old to become younger!"

"Good women are no fun… The only good woman I can recall in history was Betsy Ross. And all she ever made was a flag."

"Any time you got nothing to do and lots of time to do it come on up."

"Keep a diary and one day it’ll keep you."

"I’ve no time for broads who want to rule the world alone. Without men, who’d do up the zipper on the back of your dress?"

"Don’t cry for a man who’s left you the next one may fall for your smile."

"Look your best who said love is blind?"

"Personality is the glitter that sends your little gleam across the footlights and the orchestra pit into that big black space where the audience is."

"Goodness, what beautiful diamonds!’ ‘Goodness had nothing to do with it’."

"I speak two languages, Body and English."

"Right now I think censorship is necessary; the things they’re doing and saying in films right now just shouldn’t be allowed. There’s no dignity anymore and I think that’s very important."

"A woman in love can’t be reasonable or she probably wouldn’t be in love."

"The curve is more powerful than the sword."

"I saw what a mess a lot of people could make of their lives when they’re smitten. Some of them go temporarily insane. They find a person who they think holds the key to their happiness-the only key to their happiness… My work has always been my greatest happiness"

"I believe that it’s better to be looked over than it is to be overlooked."

"One more drink and I’ll be under the host."

"Virtue has its own reward, but no sale at the box office."

"Say what you want about long dresses, but they cover a multitude of shins."

"Too much of a good thing can be wonderful."

"Those who are easily shocked should be shocked more often."

"Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere."

"Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly."

"When I’m good, I’m very good. But when I’m bad I’m better."

"‘Wit & Wisdom of Mae West’ Women with pasts interest men because they hope history will repeat itself."

"The best way to hold a man is in your arms."

"If I can’t a man with a million dollars, I’ll a million men with one dollar."

"Personally, I like two types of men domestic and foreign."

"If I asked for a cup of coffee, someone would search for the double meaning."

"I like restraint, if it doesn’t go too far."

"There are no good girls gone wrong just bad girls found out."

"A me piacciono solo due tipi di uomini: gli stranieri e quelli del mio Paese."

"When women go wrong, men go right after them."

"Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before."

"The score never interested me, only the game."

"Men are all alike except the one you’ve met who’s different."

"I enjoyed the courtroom as just another stage but not so amusing as Broadway."

"A man in the house is worth two in the street."

"Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

"I see you’re a man with ideals. I better be going before you’ve still got them."

"It is better to be looked over than overlooked."

"Don’t keep a man guessing too long he’s sure to find the answer somewhere else"

"I didn’t discover curves; I only uncovered them."

"Men are my hobby, if I ever got married I’d have to give it up."

"It’s all right for a perfect stranger to kiss your hand as long as he’s perfect."

"It’s hard to be funny when you have to be clean."

"He’s the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of."

"Getting married is like trading in the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one."

"I’m a woman of very few words, but lots of action."

"I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it."

"If a little is great, and a lot is better, then way too much is just about right!"

"Love isn’t an emotion or an instinct it’s an art."

"Gentlemen prefer blondes, but who says blondes prefer gentlemen?"

"Don’t keep a man guessing too long he’s sure to find the answer somewhere else."

"I only like two kinds of men, domestic and imported."

"It’s not the men in my life that count, it’s the life in my men."

"A man in the house is worth two on the street."

"I never loved another person the way I loved myself."

"When I’m good I’m very, very good, but when I’m bad, I’m better."

"‘Goodness Had Nothing To Do With It’ I have found men who didn’t know how to kiss. I’ve always found time to teach them."

"An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises."

"Goodness had nothing to do with it."

"I only read biographies, metaphysics and psychology. I can dream up my own fiction."

"I believe in censorship. I made a fortune out of it."

"She Done Him Wrong A dame that knows the ropes isn’t likely to get tied up."

"It’s not what I do, but the way I do it. It’s not what I say, but the way I say it."

"I only have ‘yes’ men around me. Who needs ‘no’ men?"

"His mother should have thrown him out and kept the stork."

"A man has one hundred dollars and you leave him with two dollars, that’s subtraction."

"Give a man a free hand and he’ll run it all over you."

"It ain’t no sin if you crack a few laws now and then, just so long as you don’t break any."

"When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I’ve never tried before."

"I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it."

"Sex with love is the greatest thing in life. But sex without love — that’s not so bad either."

"A man can be short and dumpy and getting bald but if he has fire, women will like him."

"I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor, and rich is better."

"Good sex is like good bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand."

"If I had known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself."

"Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache."

"I like a man who’s good, but not too good for the good die young, and I hate a dead one."

"I wrote the story myself. It’s about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it."