DEVELOP SELF-CONFIDENCE

you don’t get to be confident just because. It has to be earned

So, you have to go out and do the things that are going to make you confident, you have to go out and earn that.

if you feel fear towards any conversation, any engagement, any action activity, any hobby, then that’s probably a pretty good indicator that you could develop a sense of confidence, by tackling that thing, by facing that activity head on and getting it done

What you need is to be courageous, and any one of us in the right set of circumstances with the right mindset can exhibit courage.

when we’re confident we can be more dangerous. We have more capability to face what needs to be faced and to do what needs to be done in the face of the fear that we might be experiencing.

Too many men cower, they tuck tail and they run because they don’t have any level of confidence and when they’re faced with a difficult circumstance. They can’t be dangerous or capable men because they haven’t developed that confidence.

DEVELOP ASSERTIVENESS

These next four points will certainly help you develop more confidence in your life. There are four communication styles that I want to point out. 

Passive Communication: The passive communicator is weak. He doesn’t share his ideas and when he does share an idea, he makes excuses or apologizes for those ideas. Very rarely is he taken seriously. 

They give underhanded comments and compliments, this is the passive aggressive communicator. And while they may be funny, for a short period of time, it becomes extremely, extremely exhausting dealing with these individuals because they don’t know how to deal with difficult or awkward or uncomfortable conversations. And so they make light of everything, and they mock everything. It’s ridiculous, that’s a passive-aggressive communicator.

Aggressive Communication: An aggressive communicator wants to railroad everybody. It’s a type A dominant red personality, who’s a driver, who doesn’t take no for an answer, who isn’t willing to communicate with other individuals or take other things into consideration. And he just dominates and bulldozes everybody in every circumstance, obviously, we don’t have good success with this individual and people don’t like these types of individuals. So, they don’t make great leaders.

Now, you might look at and think, “Well, this is a great leader.” A dictator is not necessarily a great leader. They may be able to produce results for a short period of time until people catch on and realize that they don’t want to be led by this individual. And so they stop following voluntarily. An aggressive communicator might be able to get things done but can’t do it long term.

Assertive Communication: What we should all be working towards is being assertive in our communication. In other words, you’re willing to take on new ideas and new perspectives, and you’re taking other people’s thoughts and ideas and feelings into consideration. And yet you have a very clear idea of what you want. You’re willing to and capable of sharing your ideas with other individuals. When you see that there’s a problem, you don’t push that off. You’re not passive about it. You’re not aggressive by bulldozing it, but you’re taking all of the stimuli into consideration to figure out the best way forward. The most assertive individual is going to get the job done, the majority of the time over the longest period of time.

Don’t put the blindfold on. Don’t pretend like threats don’t exist when a conversation needs to be had. Don’t bury your head in the sand and think that if you just keep it there long enough that somehow this thread or this conversation or this circumstance will go away. It won’t. In fact, it’ll get worse and so a dangerous and capable man is able to recognize conversations and situations. And then he addresses those as quickly as possible, as efficiently and effectively as possible to a) neutralize the threat or b) to get a further to advance the cause whatever that may look like.

Try to be assertive in all of your dealings and interactions. A couple of resources I’d give you is a book titled No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover. It’s a great book that addresses “nice guy syndrome” which is what he’s dubbed it and how to be more assertive.

The second book is The Assertiveness Workbook which will actually walk you through how to address scenarios and situations in a more assertive manner without feeling like you’re being too aggressive or being too weak. It’s the balance that somewhere in the middle. 

KNOW WHAT YOU WANT

Knowing what the ultimate objective is.

I think that if you’re not specific enough, that you’re probably not going to accomplish that thing. And you’re not going to know how to get there and you’re not going to be able to smash through the barriers that will inevitably present themselves.

if you’re crystal clear, if you are hyper-focused very, very specific on what you want to accomplish. I don’t want to get healthy, I want to be to 10% body fat. I don’t want to be strong, I want to be able to bench 300 pounds or deadlift 450 pounds. I don’t want to have a good marriage. Instead, define a good marriage. I don’t want to be wealthy. Rather, I want to have $10 million in my bank account. This is a huge distinction and difference.

BE AN EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATOR

If you become a better communicator, you are naturally going to develop more confidence because when you say something, it’s going to be followed through, and then you’ll realize you’re capable of doing that.

Assertiveness requires your ability to communicate and vice versa.

You’ll see compounding returns when you start to take some of these things into consideration and then incorporate them in your life and get better and these soft skill sets. So again, number 4 is learning to communicate effectively

I would say the best way to do this is to put yourself in situations where you need to communicate.

EDUCATE YOURSELF

you got to educate yourself. Knowledge alone is not enough. You can’t read a book and assume that because you read it that somehow you’ll be able to apply this effectively in your life. You’ve got to be knowledgeable.

You’ve got to know some of the harder skills like martial arts, like firearms training, like situational awareness and these tactical situations. You’ve got to know how to be assertive, you’ve got to know the information that you’re going to be communicating to other individuals, you’ve got to gain new credentials

This is how you make yourself knowledgeable, which will, in turn, make you more capable. It will help you become a more effective leader. And ultimately, it will put you in a position where you are dangerous, where you can actually move the needle when you say something people listen when you do something people are inspired.