Should you care what your parents think? | Summary and Q&A

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October 4, 2022
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Should you care what your parents think?

TL;DR

Reactance theory explains why people are motivated to do things they're told not to, but the approval or disapproval of friends and family has a greater impact on the long-term success of romantic relationships.

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Key Insights

  • πŸ€” Reactance theory explains why people are motivated to do something when they are told not to, as it restores their sense of freedom.
  • πŸ’” Couples facing parental disapproval in romantic relationships often experience an increase in love for each other, known as the Romeo and Juliet Effect.
  • πŸ‘₯ The Social Network Effect suggests that the long-term success of a romantic relationship is influenced by the approval or disapproval of friends and family.
  • πŸ‘¦ Disapproved relationships are more likely to fail, as the disapproval of friends and family negatively impacts the relationship.
  • πŸ’ͺ There are two types of reactance: defiant reactance, where people impulsively do the opposite of what they're told, and independent reactance, where people make their own choices.
  • 🀝 Support from close companions can help buffer against disapproval from others and improve the outcome of relationships.
  • 🌍 Balancing the desires for independence and inclusion varies across individuals and cultures.
  • πŸ’š Romantic relationships benefit from finding supportive social networks, even if it may not be as romantic as a forbidden love affair like Romeo and Juliet.

Transcript

If I told you not to press this big red button, what would you do? For many people, there’s no greater motivation to do something than being told they can’t. So, what is it about being told β€œno” that triggers this response? One of the most enduring explanations for this behavior is what psychologists call reactance theory. Reactance is a motivatio... Read More

Questions & Answers

Q: Why do people often feel motivated to do the opposite of what they're told not to do?

According to reactance theory, this motivation arises when people feel that their freedom is being threatened. They see doing the forbidden thing as a way to restore that freedom and assert their independence. While this behavior may vary from person to person, it is a common response to being told "no."

Q: What is the difference between defiant reactance and independent reactance?

Defiant reactance involves impulsively doing the opposite of what we're told. For example, if someone is told to lower their voice, a person with high defiant reactance might start shouting. On the other hand, independent reactance reflects a deeper desire to make our own choices. Someone with high independent reactance is more likely to simply ignore a request and do what they believe is appropriate.

Q: What role do friends and family play in romantic relationships?

The approval or disapproval of friends and family has a significant impact on the long-term success of romantic relationships. Studies have shown that relationships fare better when there is supportive social network surrounding the couple. Disapproval from friends and family can negatively impact a relationship, while support from close companions can help buffer against this disapproval.

Q: Why do disapproved relationships tend to fail?

Disapproved relationships are more likely to fail because the negative opinions and lack of support from friends and family can strain the relationship. The disapproval can create tension and conflict, making it harder for the relationship to thrive. On the other hand, relationships that have the approval and support of friends and family tend to have better chances of success as they face less external pressure.

Q: How do cultures influence the balance between reactance and the need for inclusion?

The balance between reactance and the need for inclusion can vary across individuals and cultures. Cultures that prioritize individualism may place more emphasis on personal choices and independence, while cultures that prioritize collectivism may prioritize societal norms and the opinions of the group. The cultural context plays a role in shaping how individuals navigate their desire for both independence and inclusion in their relationships.

Summary & Key Takeaways

  • Reactance theory suggests that when people feel their freedom is being threatened, they are motivated to take actions to restore that freedom, often by doing the forbidden thing.

  • The Romeo and Juliet Effect initially supported reactance theory by showing that perceived parental opposition could strengthen a romantic relationship, but later studies have shown that the approval or disapproval of friends and family is a better predictor of relationship success.

  • There are two types of reactance: defiant reactance (doing the opposite of what we're told) and independent reactance (making our own choices). How people respond to relationship disapproval depends on their reactance type.

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