Failing Repeatedly at Life? Avoid this Cognitive Trap. | Mini-Lecture Series | Summary and Q&A

TL;DR

Moving goalposts is a self-destructive behavior that turns small successes into failures and sets unrealistic expectations, leading to a cycle of failure.

Key Insights

• 🤳 Moving goalposts is a self-destructive behavior that turns small successes into failures.
• 😃 The need to achieve a big success to balance feelings of failure creates unrealistic expectations.
• 😫 Constantly moving the goalposts sets individuals up for failure and perpetuates a cycle of disappointment and shame.
• 🤨 Breaking the cycle involves acknowledging and celebrating small successes without constantly raising the bar.
• 😫 Setting realistic and achievable goals allows for gradual progress and a shift in perception from failure to success.
• 🥺 This shift in perspective can lead to positive changes in mental health and motivation.
• 🍳 Recognizing the tendency to move goalposts is essential in order to break the cycle.

Transcript

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Questions & Answers

Q: What is moving goalposts and how does it affect our success?

Moving goalposts is a self-sabotaging behavior where we turn small successes into failures by setting unrealistic expectations. Instead of celebrating our progress, we constantly raise the bar and never feel satisfied.

Q: Why do we beat ourselves up for not achieving goals sooner?

We beat ourselves up because we have a negative perception of ourselves as failures. To balance this perception, we feel the need to achieve a big success that surpasses our previous failures.

Q: How does moving the goalposts lead to a cycle of failure?

When we continuously raise the bar for success, we set ourselves up for failure. The more we fail, the more shame and disappointment we feel, leading to a larger gap that requires an even bigger success. This pattern perpetuates the cycle.

Q: How can we break the cycle of failure and stop moving the goalposts?

We can break the cycle by acknowledging and celebrating our small successes without constantly raising the bar. Setting realistic and achievable goals allows for gradual progress and helps shift our perspective from failure to success.

Summary & Key Takeaways

• Dr. K explains the concept of moving goalposts, where people turn their successes into failures by setting unrealistic expectations for themselves.

• This behavior leads to constant feelings of failure and disappointment, affecting mental health and motivation.

• To break the cycle, individuals should acknowledge and celebrate their small successes without constantly raising the bar, allowing for gradual progress.