Perfectionism: Why and How to Beat It

Perfectionism: Why and How to Beat It

Perfectionism is a trait that many individuals strive for. It is often associated with doing a great job and achieving high standards of work. However, perfectionism becomes problematic when it becomes excessively rigid, leading to burnout, neglect of other responsibilities, and a constant feeling of misery. So, how do we overcome this tendency towards perfectionism and find a healthier balance?

The first step in overcoming perfectionism is understanding the nature of rules and their impact on our behavior. In the behavioral psychology community, there are two types of rule following: tracking and pliance. Tracking refers to following a rule because it has been reinforced by positive outcomes in the past. Pliance, on the other hand, involves following a rule because we believe it is expected by others.

When it comes to perfectionism, the problem lies in the rigidity around our standards. We become hyperfocused on achieving our impossible goals, often at the expense of our well-being and other important aspects of our lives. To combat this, we need to recognize that it's not about getting rid of our rules, but rather understanding their purpose and being flexible in their application.

Psychologists refer to this as contingency-shaped behavior. It involves recognizing when a rule is helpful versus when it is detrimental. By letting our experiences teach us, we can find a more effective way to navigate our lives. This requires a shift from rigid rule-following to a more adaptable mindset.

To facilitate this shift, it is crucial to identify our values. Values represent the directions we want our lives to take and the qualities we want to embody along the way. They serve as guideposts when we encounter challenging situations and find ourselves caught in the grip of perfectionism. By aligning our actions with our values, we can maintain intrinsic motivation and a sense of purpose.

Goals, while important, can sometimes leave us feeling lost and rudderless once accomplished. Values, on the other hand, provide a continuous source of motivation and meaning. Research has shown that individuals who approach difficult or painful circumstances in alignment with their values are more likely to persevere and overcome obstacles.

In the midst of our perfectionistic thoughts and ideas, it is important to differentiate between rules we follow because we feel we "should" and rules we follow because we genuinely desire the outcomes they bring. Socially expected standards of behavior may impose unnecessary pressure and contribute to the rigidity of perfectionism. By being aware of this distinction, we can focus on the rules that truly matter to us.

Awareness is a powerful tool in combating perfectionism. It allows us to create space between our thoughts and emotions, giving us the freedom to choose how we behave. This concept, known as defusion in psychology, enables us to break free from the grip of perfectionistic tendencies and return to our values.

Following our values promotes variability in behavior, which is a positive attribute. It allows us to learn new things, explore different approaches, and adapt to changing circumstances. Embracing variability breaks the cycle of rigid perfectionism and opens up opportunities for growth.

In conclusion, perfectionism can be both a blessing and a curse. While the desire to do great work is commendable, the rigidity and excessive standards associated with perfectionism can hinder our well-being and overall success. By understanding the purpose of our rules, identifying our values, practicing awareness and defusion, and embracing variability in behavior, we can overcome perfectionistic tendencies and find a healthier balance in our lives. Remember, it's not about perfection, but rather progress and fulfillment.