We think that moderation is a good strategy—expressing feelings but in a measured, moderate way. And we think that expressing a wide range of emotions is a healthy way to confront conflict in a relationship. It’s helpful, when you’re dealing with conflict, to include both negative and positive emotions. In our research, we’ve shown that what we call “emotion regulation,” being able to cool down after powerful negative emotions, is a strong predictor of marital satisfaction.

We’ve also found that these patterns of expressing and regulating emotion get set early in the relationship. Certainly after a decade of marriage, the patterns are well-established. For young couples, I’d say, it’s especially important to practice moderation when dealing with the inevitable disagreements that arise in a marriage.